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The Deep-Rooted Origins Of People-Pleasing

Throughout history, societal and cultural norms have instilled in us the notion that we must behave certain ways to be liked, loved and accepted. From medieval ideals of chivalry to modern gender roles, the quest for approval has profoundly shaped our self-perception.

These “cultural scripts” pushing us to prioritize harmony over authenticity permeate cultures worldwide – the filial son in Asia, the stoic provider in the West. While seeming noble, they breed an unhealthy fear of simply being ourselves.

Influences Reinforcing People-Pleasing Patterns

  1. Media portrayals often depict heroes triumphing through relentless kindness and self-sacrifice rather than assertion. This subliminally suggests constant agreeableness is key to success. 
  2. Peer pressure in our social circles can compel us to adopt people-pleasing just to fit in. An overly-accommodating persona may be seen as a virtue.
  3. Upbringing plays a pivotal role too. If our self-worth was tied to making others happy as children, we may struggle with assertiveness as adults. Some parents unwittingly set kids up for lifelong external validation-seeking.
  4. Even online communities meant for connection can become echo chambers normalizing and glorifying people-pleasing, obscuring its costs.

Reclaiming Your Authenticity 

With all these forces converging, it’s crucial to reflect: How have cultural scripts shaped your self-perception and behavior? Have you contorted yourself for approval?

Recognizing these pressures is step one to reclaiming your true self. Pause, identify the people-pleasing patterns you’ve inherited, then consciously break free.  

The journey ahead is one of profound self-understanding and unshakable self-confidence. Remember, you are enough exactly as you are. It’s time to fully embrace your authenticity.

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Embark on a transformative journey with our unique course, designed to shift you from self-doubt to secure assertiveness, replacing patterns of people-pleasing with the confidence to attract what you truly want in life.


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Youtube video transcript


hey everyone Mercedes Terell here and today we’re diving deep into a very sensitive yet crucial topic understanding the origins of people pleasing Behavior this discussion is all about exploring how societal norms and cultural expectations have shaped our Tendencies to prioritize others approval over our own needs and desires throughout history so from chivalrous nights of medieval Tales to Modern depictions of the perfect gentleman so societal ideas about how we should behave to be liked loved and accepted


have deeply influenced our self-perception and actions whether it’s the filial son in Asian cultures or the stoic provider in others these cultural scripts on suppressing one’s desires for societal approval are prevalent worldwide and although these ideals may seem Noble they often come with a hidden cost feeling trapped constantly seeking external validation and fearing rejection for simply being ourselves understanding these patterns offers us Clarity empowering us to make informed choices moving forward and


reshape our Behavior so let’s explore how these cultural scripts have influenced us personally as I discuss various sources from media betrayals to social norms and parental expectations think about how these might have played a role in shaping your people pleasing Tendencies so media often portrays the people pleaser as the hero who wins through kindness this archetype celebrated in countless films TV shows and novels typically emerges triumphant not through assertiveness or confrontation but through Relentless


kindness and self-sacrifice these portrayals can Sly suggest that constant agreeableness is the key to success in relationships and life cultures across the globe also play a significant role in reinforcing the people pleaser Persona in many societies traits like politeness deference and conflict avoidance are not just valued they are expected especially in men and this cultural script dictates that maintaining Harmony and appeasing others are more important than voicing true feelings or disagreements peer pressure


is another potent force that shapes Behavior so growing up if your friends or Social Circle valued the people pleaser apprach where being overly accommodating is seen as a virtue you might have felt compelled to emulate this Behavior to fit in or be accepted this can lead to a pattern of suppressing your true self in exchange for approval familial upbringing it cannot be overlooked either if you were raised in a family where being a people pleaser was not only encouraged but expected you might struggle with assertiveness as an adult parents who


teach their children that they their worth is tied to how much they please others can unintentionally set them up for a lifetime of seeking external validation and let’s not forget the impact of online communities forums social media platforms and discussion groups can amplify and reinforce people pleaser narratives these spaces can become Echo Chambers where this type of behavior is normalized and even exalted making it harder for individuals to recognize the cost of these patterns on their personal authenticity with all of


these influences converging it’s crucial to ask yourself how have these cultural scripts shaped your interactions and self-perception have you ever felt pressured to conform to these ideas at the cost of your own authenticity you’re like most humans including me then that’s a hard yes it’s essential to recognize these pressures to begin reclaiming our true self let’s take a moment for some personal reflection here identify any people pleaser patterns or expectations that have come through your


upbringing whether from family or cultural influences I want you to really sit with this take your time pause the video if you need this type of self-awareness is the first step toward Breaking Free from these limiting molds and embracing a more balanced and authentic way of being so take this seriously the thing is that understanding your past is crucial in reshaping your future especially when it comes to Breaking Free free from being a people pleaser this isn’t just about overcoming a stereotype it’s about


embracing a journey towards profound self- understanding and true confidence so take your time with that today and I want to thank you for taking the time to join me in this video exploring these deep-seated cultural influences remember you’re not just learning about social norms and societal Norms you’re learning how to become truly confident and at peace with who you are all right I will see you in the next video and remember you already are