(00:00) i’m hitting record on audacity okay i have to test my audacity testing one two testing one two [Music] try and speak more into my microphone this time so i can not have the issue i had last time i met tom’s mom and she said i love yells podcast i love your little

(01:05) outfits and your big perspectives [Music] that’s amazing how to write it in a review please i was like thank you thank you i didn’t know what to say is the first very first thing she said to me so i was like thank you that’s [ __ ] awesome like so let’s have a chat about your son but your little outfits and your big perspectives it’s amazing it’s amazing if any guy would say that to me i would be excited we have my mom and then she said you know who y’all remind me of the lady in that alien

(01:39) movie that has the tall aliens and then it ends with the alien with the one big eye and it’s all blue and i was like she was completely serious what i don’t i know uh you’re like i’ll take that as a compliment tom looks super annoyed really yeah or embarrassed did you like her though yeah i liked her a lot that’s good uh oh let’s clap that’s what i was gonna say ready one two three all right and we are recording on all spots i like that i don’t have to do i know much of anything until i have to

(02:32) do everything oh john used that as our blooper at the end that’s funny all right ready wait what are you recording on zoom oh yeah okay because you said you didn’t have to do anything it made me nervous yeah like wait what does she have to do okay welcome boys and babes to our little life-giving podcast we so gratefully live our bliss through it’s the magic hour a place where we navigate through life’s peaks and valleys with all the shamelessness this is mercedes line [Laughter] you’re doing great jade with all the

(03:11) vulnerability and you’re not supposed to be here oh we uncover new truths and valuable tools for manifesting our highest potential you might be wondering why i’m butchering my co-host lines for the intro to the show and it’s because she is our beloved guest today it’s our one year anniversary of the show so we’ve got two back-to-back episodes where we interview each other and i’ve learned so much this last year in our late night skype sessions while rehearsing and prior to jumping on with

(03:41) the guests so but you guys don’t get to hear the behind the scenes of course so i’m so excited to be able to interview her and let you guys get to know her even more because she has one of the brightest and boldest lights in my life so without further ado this bio is very long you guys without further ado let me introduce a woman who constantly reminds those who listen to the show as well as those who follow her the beauty of you already are as an experienced and professional model she started the movement hashtag keep it

(04:13) realish asking people to take responsibility for what they post and the effect it has to be rigorously rigorously authentic changing the culture to believe being healthy in mind body spirit is the goal instead of looking a certain way she’s been a bellator ring girl for a decade you guys and that says a lot in itself but moreover she’s spent the better part of her life being a truth seeker constantly leaning into the gray and looking for the deeper meaning in order to navigate through her own struggles

(04:45) she truly does the work to better herself and become more conscious even being sort of a human guinea pig to just try anything to see if it can in some way benefit her health spiritually mentally or physically while we reap all the benefits she views others as an opportunity to experience another angle of the universe with an ability to tune into them with pure curiosity giving them what we all need and crave to be seen this also makes her one of the most excellent listeners i’ve ever known on top of being able to analyze

(05:17) effortlessly she courageously lives in abundance in a way that constantly sheds light to where i may be living in lac and she is the living walking version of my favorite poem the invitation now as the host of a top-ranked podcast she has answered her calling to be a world-renowned sacred space holder and prolific healer by sharing her logic wisdom and mysticism as her way to be a light to others the way she’s always been to me like me she’s both a lover and a magician but she’s also my travel buddy as we

(05:48) journey into the grade together on the soul quest please welcome the yentama yang the grace to my frankie one of my safe places touchstones and armrests to my soul when it’s weary she’s my sister who has never not been there in my time of need which has saved me more times than i can count my partner and shine mercedes thrill to the magic hour so so long and breathe i loved that that was super sweet i had i got chilled a couple times i’ve almost dropped a tear which is weird for me it’s also my application to

(06:23) hallmark it’s also the application of hallmark perfect i want that card everything every holiday uh what is the i don’t i know you’ve mentioned the invitation about a million times so what’s the actual words to that poem no i mean i have it framed right here but uh it would take probably five whole minutes to read but it’s awesome yeah it’s a long one but it’s like basically um i don’t care what you do for a living i don’t care how much money you have or who you know i want to know like what

(06:53) lights your soul on fire i want to know like what keeps you up at night and if you can lean into your own pain instead of run from it and if you can sit with my pain instead of running from it it’s really freaking good everyone uh magic trick to start the show don’t read the poem go read the invitation but that does remind me uh we just took that um 16 personalities 16 personalities yes yeah it’s like the myers-briggs test or some spin-off of it and i like it better than the enneagram for sure i totally like it better than the

(07:25) enneagram the enneagram’s just a trend i think i thought it was spot on the 16th the enneagram i keep switching numbers all the time i think it’s just like it’s like trendy right now to say like i’m a seven yeah i rather say my 16 personality yeah i think the enneagram is it’s they try to keep it so short and concise that it’s not it’s not human because that’s not what humans yeah whereas the 16 personalities it goes on for a really long time for sure um i love it but yeah read the invitation if

(07:55) you really want to knock the girl’s socks off read it to her on your first date uh i’m gonna read that but what you already described there does sound very much like me so i’m glad that you’re seeing that in me thank you for that i did i did look at your 16 personalities to pull some info nice if you’re like wait and she’s a gemini so now i have to do double the work what is this a gemini is two two personalities right yeah yeah two two to the twins yeah yeah people like to call it bipolar and

(08:30) i’m only bipolar sometimes but that doesn’t have to do with me being gemini um so um we do have a lot of fan questions that we’ll get to but first off i wanted to talk about how your relationship with your mother usually ends up shaping your relationship with yourself and your relationship with your father usually ends up shaping your relationship with those around you or how you see the world so i wanted to ask what was your relationship with each parent and what was that relationship like but also

(09:00) how did that statement play out to be true for you yeah okay so it’s a big big big question yeah um and i was gonna say that i’ll try not to give you my whole life story but let’s be real that worked for me in the past [Music] well this interview is yours so um my relationship with my mother and how it relates to my relationship with myself okay so my mother susan i don’t know if we should name names on here but i love her dearly i love you susan and she loves you jade um we’re very close now we went through not

(09:44) so much turbulence in my younger years but definitely took a journey to get to where we are now um we went to just we went to one of our first counseling sessions together but just like last week wow yeah that was pretty cool me and my mom are not at that point but yeah we i mean we’ve done a lot of spending time in quiet together you know we do a lot of that type of thing like long road trips together that type of thing so you get to you really have to dig through some stuff at that point wow um but i also

(10:15) might just mention that we resent our parents for all the things that we think they should do and then we take for granted all the things that uh they do they did do so i just think it’s important to um remember that we’re all doing our best something i truly believe a lot of people when i say this out loud they go i don’t i don’t think that’s true but i believe we’re all doing our best um considering the domestications that make us us uh we’re all individual we have all different backgrounds and so from that

(10:48) place we’re doing the very best we can and that includes my parents um that’s something i wish i would have prefaced my interview with and i’ve been thinking about that all day today so i’m glad you said that no you totally did say something like that yeah but like you said yeah i feel like they’re all across though and you’re in but yeah all of our parents they’re also hurting children just like we are hurting children and we’re all doing the best we can but um yeah i think that that’s important

(11:17) always when telling our story yeah so my mom um she was definitely an example of independence for me uh my primary example of what independence look like um she just always was like okay on her own she would just head out to the desert when she needed to just be alone for a minute on a whim um my parents split when i was five so we had been living on my grandparents farm in like the mother-in-law casita for pretty much i think my whole life up until five um my grandparents just to give you a little history on that they they like

(12:02) created the first trash company in orange county uh when orange county was just orange groves literally um and my grandpa like owned some of the land that disney ended up buying from them and building disneyland on so a lot of history in orange county and because they owned the first trash company my parents um down the line purchased it from them actually my aunt and uncle purchased it from them first and then my parents purchased it from them but anyway it ended up in in my parents hands and um they did pretty well with that business

(12:33) and it was pretty lucrative and so they took that money and they began building their dream home and um this is in yorba linda california where they put like tons of time and effort building this home into something that they thought was um you know to par with whatever they had always hoped and i remember it even at that age being like i love this house there was like a pool with um it was like a huge pool with these big lionhead fountain things that would spit water into the pool like on the sides i don’t know just very luxurious and then

(13:12) it had like white carpets and marble floors and i had a humongous play room that where all the walls were like padded with carpet now everything for me i was like four or five years old you know what i mean yeah so it was like a play room just for us kids like all my cousins would come over and we’d have a blast we couldn’t hurt ourselves because the walls like had carpet up halfway um and we had like these really cool rooms where the beds were like custom built into the top like above the closet so you’d have to crawl up this these

(13:43) ladders that are built into the wall to get into your bed and stuff that’s so cool and i never i uh i was so young that they wouldn’t let me sleep in that because they didn’t want me falling out of it or something so i i never uh got to do that but um i just remember this house was like rad you know like i was excited to be living in this house yeah and then literally six months or so like very shortly into our time finally moved into that house after years of it being built and years of us living in this little

(14:12) tiny one bedroom house on my grandparents farm um my mom decided she wanted to split and so of course you know our lives get uprooted and suddenly i i wasn’t safe and i remember from that point on that’s like the last time i remember feeling safe before my parents split and then it it uprooted my life at that age you know you’re you’re five years old you’re just trying to figure out how to be an individual in the first place and then suddenly everything that you’ve gotten used to is like oh just kidding it’s gonna all

(14:46) change we’re gonna live separately we’re gonna do all these different uh things than you’re used to and so yeah i just didn’t feel safe and i really resisted the change i resented my mother i don’t think i ever like voiced that even even to this day i don’t think i’ve really voiced it um to the point but when i was little i mean i was pissed that they weren’t together and i wasn’t really blaming it on one or the other i was just kind of pissed they yeah just decided to do that

(15:12) um and neither of them really blamed it blatantly on each other um they were pretty good about not making that you know part of what the kids what me and my sister were witnessing so anyway after the separation um my mom she wasn’t around like probably for a year or two she kind of i just remember she wasn’t around much like she would check in and stuff but i don’t remember her like really having a place like that we would go visit her she would come to my dad’s we had got a different house um you know they had to sell the big house

(15:46) that we were living in and we got into this other place and she would visit from time to time and then so you know like my bond to my dad was really building because he was there and he was like the closest thing that i had to to safety i guess at that time um and my mom she’s she’s still to this day like she’s the same person you know she’s like wildly independent she’s curious and um daring and adventurous and like for sure whimsical playful she’s like super playful even with like my sister’s kids she’s a very

(16:24) playful person so she’s super fun to be around and in business she’s like thorough and always shows up so um i think i found ways to step into my mom’s entrepreneurial shoes you know like when she even at that young age i remember my dad has this story about i was around age five and this was during the time that my mom wasn’t um you know around much she was out traveling and she had like a boyfriend or something i don’t know she was doing her thing she was maybe like sewing her wild oats you know

(17:00) um so i was five-ish and i had decided to to make a little business uh i didn’t tell anyone about that i took a bunch of like white printer paper construction paper and uh i took my crayons and i colored um all the papers into like american flags and then i sandwiched two pieces of those american flag papers onto like a stick that i found in the backyard i did that a bunch of times you know so i made a bunch of flags with like sticks from the backyard and these like papers that i’d colored into flags so they look like

(17:36) little flags on a little tiny pole you know and then i took my sister who was four at the time and didn’t tell anyone and we just i said we’re gonna go sell these things here and so we went from uh you know neighbor to neighbor knocking on doors alone by the way and uh trying to sell these things for free i did the same thing but offering to paint people’s nails 50 cents i love it it was just for so i could buy airheads from the ice cream man amazing uh well what happened when the guy answered the door

(18:14) there was usually some kid in there and he’d let me paint their nails i was making like 250 a day not bad not bad so i i’m knocking door-to-door i sold i actually ended up you know like a few people obviously we’re like a five and a four-year-old they’re like where are your parents but yes we’ll buy one of these cubes seriously yeah they’d be like 50 cents that’s a lot of money i’d be like 35 cents let’s make a deal i was haggling at that age um and i’d so i did pretty well i saw

(18:46) something i needed to do i think i was already trying to you know put my uh i had to bring some income to the household or something so um i i wasn’t super close to my mom when i was young uh because of all that turbulence and maybe a story that relates to that is when i started my period i i was at my dad’s house uh my dad wasn’t home but i was at my dad’s house and i thought like who should i call like you know when you start your period as a girl like that’s like a really important moment yeah and uh yeah and you kind of

(19:22) need to like let your parents know because you don’t really know exactly what to do you know and so i called my dad and my dad’s like uh why are you calling me like why aren’t you calling your mom or at this point we i had uh he had a girlfriend who uh we lived in her house at this point and and he’s calling me yeah he’s like uh well he didn’t say that he didn’t shame me or anything about it you just said you know oh lady yeah i call it like well i can’t really he said okay well thanks for

(19:53) letting me know but um i i’m not sure i have a lot of advice for you on this so maybe you can call you know his girlfriend or my mom or whatever mine was the exact opposite i started mine on a roller coaster which was traumatic and then and it was heavy oh my god and then i tried to tell my mom and she passed me off to her boyfriend oh my god literally the opposite it’s the opposite the end of the game she couldn’t handle it oh my god that’s amazing uh what did he do for you honestly i don’t remember i think i

(20:30) blacked it out you’re like never mind i’m going next door to the neighbors where somebody can help me with a tampon i probably did i wore the tampon with the extra cardboard piece oh for like two years were so bad exactly i would cry every time because i was like these hurt so bad and then one time i went to like a water park and i was crying because it was hurting me and my friend was like um i told her something about like the cardboard part is the part that’s hurting me and she was like you’re supposed to take that off

(21:06) that is amazing two years i did that that is amazing firstly ow and i also it took me uh i read directions thoroughly on everything let me tell you never me thoroughly like i i i am like the directions reader you know what i mean so like on the tampon box it has like visual photos yeah about this this is how we balance each other out oh my god i might get this you know like this could be an issue i need to know about this and i had horror stories like i didn’t read one first of all it took me like i don’t even know probably three

(21:41) hours to insert my first tampon which is like an ultra slender one the ultra splendor and it was my mom bought me these damn um uh the first time you know you use a pad or something at first or whatever you use but then my mom bought me these damn uh tam packs you know tampax uh the originals you know so they have like the cotton exposed on the top let me tell you when you have not had anything go up in that area that can be painful as well yeah especially if you’re not taking the cardboard off yes god i think it’s why i don’t use them now i

(22:22) think i’m traumatized you know what it’s a good good thing we didn’t know each other at that age because we were giving each other the worst advices with this situation oh god one of my friends i remember my mom telling me my best friend at the time actually uh later you know she told us this horror story about when she had her first tampon she inserted it back upside down i don’t know how that was even possible so the string went up in the inside so i’m gonna get it out she called the fire

(22:50) the fire department what how old are you what fire department’s going to help you with getting a tampon i want to know what they said when she called the fire department oh my god oh we’re getting off track okay so anyways the reason i didn’t to call my mom about this also i think is likely because like we did not talk about periods farts poops anything around this you know yeah let’s see there’s a lot of shame around this and it’s it’s um well you know it’s caused a lot of long-term damage for me not so much on

(23:25) the period side of things although just like our culture generally is shaming us about that but um just for me it was like anything coming out of my body like special poops or farts that was like an issue for me like i i did i was too just pretend that girls do not do that we don’t talk about it we don’t act like that ever even happens um it sounds like a cat they hide their poop right away litter literally my spirit animal since day one so i spent a lot of time in physical pain because i had such severe

(24:02) like issues with my gut and i didn’t think i could discuss it with anyone because that was kind of like what was said like don’t this isn’t stuff we talk about you know um and i suffered with severe chronic constipation um and then like bouts of extreme diarrhea for like 15 years before uh finding any solutions and um i didn’t even know that i was supposed to like find a solution literally i thought everyone had the same feelings i thought everyone was in pain the way i was in pain and i thought everyone pooped every

(24:35) three days and that’s it like that’s [ __ ] crazy it’s so that’s because of a lot of what we were eating putting in our bodies oh for sure so like what i was eating uh you know my hormonal cycles getting turned on and that because i remember this becoming a real problem when i was like in high school so that’s when i had started my period by then my hormones were getting going and doing their thing and or apparently not doing enough of whatever their thing was supposed to be because it was hindering me um

(25:03) my gut and i was eating terribly when i say terribly i mean i thought i was totally normal i had no idea that i was eating terribly until later my favorite meal was the 99 cent tacos at jack in the box oh yeah oh yeah i was with that all day long that’s easy i mean whatever arby’s uh uh carl jr all the fast foods that was like a normal diet in my house me too me too and even in uh like my dad’s house where i’m not gonna say i don’t miss it i crave it still sometimes but i have not had it since high school wow well

(25:42) good for you i live behind an in and out i make them do it protein style at least and no cheese anyway um no but i definitely had no idea that i was damaging myself to that degree and but the thing is that because i got so desperate in all that it caused me it was a major part of why i began like seeking for some answers and um so my gut being a disaster and always being in pain always being embarrassed because i didn’t know i was gonna when i was gonna need to like go to the bathroom next um became like one of the pressures that

(26:20) caused me to find answers and um i started seeing western doctors saw gastroenterologists um of course they just like tell you oh yeah just take this laxative or this pill or whatever and you’re gonna be fine and then they’ll send you out of the office in like literally three minutes i mean like seriously guys they won’t even listen really no they don’t listen to anything they just push on your stomach oh does this hurt and you’re like no and then you’re like okay take a laxative if you’re if we find you yeah when i was 15

(26:52) i went in for shortness of breath and they were gonna prescribe to me um xanax at 15 years old can you imagine if i started taking xanax at 15 years old for shortness of breath too it wasn’t like shortness be about a bazillion things but also how it i don’t know okay don’t get us started on that we know we know how obviously we started this podcast because of these reasons um so yeah i started seeing doctors first i started obviously with western doctors that’s all i knew at the time um i started going to a nutritionist

(27:24) then because i it wasn’t working with the western doctor so i just started like looking in yelp and in the phone book you know like oh there wasn’t a phone book but you know what i’m saying like finding other options with keywords like here’s what i need help with and i type it in and see what comes up in my area and so saw nutritionists homeopathic doctors um all kinds of people in eastern medicine and they all helped little by little like each thing was like okay it was a win you know i’d be like okay that helped a

(27:55) little that helped a little i definitely was not near getting completely healed but i could see that i was going in the right direction my body was responding i think even just because i was finally paying attention to it it was like yes let’s do this um and it wasn’t really until i looked at my hormonal functioning um which by the way i had tested by western doctors and they had told me oh no all your panels are fine you’re within the normal ranges um there’s no issues there but if this is really a problem we can

(28:28) prescribe you seroto you know a serotonin reuptake inhibitor or some sort of prozac some sort of ssri i was like huh like how is that gonna help all these issues what they want to give us yeah yeah and so and at the same time i was beginning to have all kinds of issues with panic anxiety depression because i was so toxic you know from all this stuff stuck in my body um but yeah like i said so it wasn’t until i started looking at my hormonal function um i’m really starting to get educated on that uh my microbiome and like figuring

(29:00) out what that meant i heard that that term from time to time when i was like trying to do research and i started diving deeper into that figuring out how to colonize the type of bacteria i want in my gut and that would help my system work better and then specifically figuring out and educating myself on how the digestive system works so from literally like when you even look at food that you’re going to eat and your brain knows that okay i’m going to eat that so your saliva and the enzymes that your knees start being processed

(29:32) and then you begin eating it the saliva starts the breakdown process you swallow it it goes into your stomach you have to have enough acid and the right kind of acid to you know the right ph in your stomach in order to break down um whatever you’re eating and what you’re eating is very important too because you need different amounts of these things in order to break down the specifics whether it’s fat or carbohydrates or whatever and then and then from there when it gets into your intestine and your

(30:00) your gut bugs are you know either helping it along or not and your liver and pancreas are releasing enzymes that are going to either help you break down that stuff or be non-existent and you’re just passing your foods passing through you without you absorbing any nutrients and then a really major one for me was figuring out if i had adequate bile production from my gallbladder you know and i i definitely didn’t i did all those things my stomach acid my enzyme production and my um bile was all screwed up and so i started loading

(30:43) different supplements to start healing that and i had all kinds of trials and tribulations that go with that on its own but that i think was like the last critical piece for me and it helped me dramatically heal my gut dramatically um and then having my gut better like i know it just seems like oh it’s just a problem with your gut no that’s like literally everything started there yeah yeah so because i eat junkie for a weekend i fall into depression totally literally i feel depressed yeah because that’s how much it affects

(31:14) me i’m so sensitive to what i put in my body yeah your bugs are all going like what the heck we’re starving in here the ones that you want to feed and the bad ones are going yay and that’s what you’re feeling um so anyway that gave me because i was feeling better in that regard and that wasn’t my constant thing on my mind it gave me space to think about what i wanted for my life and it gave me uh motivation you know to like actively start seeking i literally became obsessed with just finding ways to heal any other

(31:48) things i had a lot of things going on you know and all kinds of things were popping up and so um that were related and some weren’t related to the gut thing but suddenly i realized there was tools all around me to figure this out on my own and and then that obsession turned into me wanting to share all this knowledge that i had like flooded myself with um and so yeah my mother you know to answer your original question my my mom definitely influenced my relationship with myself um and becoming independent and finding ways to to heal myself and

(32:22) then you know like through things like this podcast to hopefully heal the world around me so she was always proud of me too and always told me i could do anything i wanted which is i don’t think everybody got told that you know i don’t think everyone had that part feel safe so that was that’s something that i’ve always felt like i’ll figure this out you know like i’ll figure this thing out mom’s always had my back off that type of thing so that’s cool and then whoo my father um he is

(32:59) a very intelligent man who makes very stupid decisions in the name of love but who doesn’t right it’s a lot of men it’s just like generally people people make stupid decisions in the name of love uh i know i have made a lot of them [Music] and i think studying like you know on the show if you listen at all you know that i’m kind of like obsessed with studying psychology i think that has given me the ability to release the anger that i had for so long um in his choice in women you know like i felt like it was he

(33:37) making he was making some sort of conscious choice uh to put these people in my life that were going to be toxic you know um or really just person because there’s really just one person for for a very long time um and so where does that all come from so okay to take you kind of back with on my dad’s side of things i like i said my parents split up at five we ended up in my dad’s uh you know he got a girlfriend some you know sometime in that probably i don’t know a year or two or whatever after my parents

(34:12) split and we moved into her house um and all my friends you know like at the time would call her like my evil stepmother and my evil step sisters because at the time i mean that’s my childhood self of course talking like we they just weren’t nice to us or at least that’s how i remember them from and do you remember your parents like you said that you didn’t feel safe once the split happened you did feel safe before so and that you felt safe before so i’m curious like when they split up was it

(34:48) like to you because you were four it was like you were blindsided by it or did you do you remember them there being reasons for their split um like do you remember screaming and fighting yeah oh okay yeah no i remember fighting i remember there being reasons for the split um but i didn’t think that there are reasons that they couldn’t overcome from my childhood mind but because very soon after you know after like you know they split but they were kind of like back and forth or i don’t know if they were back and forth

(35:21) romantically but she my mom would come back and be around and uh so it was like whenever basically when my dad got this new girlfriend and we moved into that house it became very unsafe because now we’re in someone else’s house we were suddenly like on their terms you know what i mean it wasn’t my house it wasn’t my dad’s thing it was like very much their terms and he was not um uh what do i want to call he was not a protector yeah he wasn’t confrontational though like in in the that’s not the right word but he wasn’t

(35:56) the person he wasn’t taking the he didn’t authoritative yeah he wasn’t authoritative and he didn’t he wasn’t taking like a lead role in the household or anything like that you know so it wasn’t like the healthy masculine he was not running the households yeah that way um and not that like the man should run the household but i’m just trying to paint a picture for like it wasn’t like i felt like oh well my dad’s the one who is the boss here you know it was definitely not that it she was

(36:20) definitely the boss um so my my evil stepmother it sounds like a cinderella yes and literally my friends would call me cinderella growing up because i had the two evil steps in the anyway um we’d come my sister and i would come to my dad and tell him like hey this is how we’re being mistreated and we just don’t want to be here and we’d be in tears you know and we’re just like six seven years old whatever and crying and of course we’re kids so i mean who knows what’s we’re being overdramatic with but yeah i

(36:54) remember very clearly for years coming to him from time to time and like having a real sit-down conversation about how this does not feel safe i don’t want to be here this is all the reasons i don’t like it and i had you know there are silly reasons at the time but they meant so much to me at the time like it was you know the way things were said to me by uh my stepmom she’s not technically a stepmom but you know what i’m saying um my dad’s girlfriend and then you know the kids would steal

(37:22) my stuff and things like that that made me just feel not safe like vulnerable and like exposed and he would make a bunch of promises and never show up for them bunch of excuses um he always had a storyline of being like stuck and helpless and i know again like we said earlier like in that time he was doing the best he possibly could he i’m sure felt very much like abandoned by my mom and like i thought he had you know someone who’s gonna raise these two kids um side by side and now we’re doing this

(37:53) separate you know parenting thing where we gotta go from one house to the next and back and forth every couple weeks and they had split custody so it was like every two weeks literally it would pack a bag and go back and forth and eventually my bag became so big it was like a massive trash bag because things became so important i think that’s like how i how i felt safe was like having things or something um so yeah around i don’t know six or so i realized that it was gonna be up to me to pull myself and

(38:21) my dad out of that situation and i thought like i needed to be the one to pull him out too like it was i was gonna have to save you know save my dad or something um and i think probably being the oldest um pressured me to assume that responsibility to be the role of a guardian or protector and don’t express emotions you know like strive for control don’t express any kind of empathy because it’s it’s just the opposite of control in a sense it’s being too fluid and that really um hardened me and i brought that into my life like for

(39:02) a very long long time i’m still trying to reverse that as you know jade um i think what i did is i became the the pseudoman that i thought i needed as a father so i was you know this is like as i’m growing up obviously not not at six necessarily but little by little this is what crept into my personality i was like becoming this man that i needed as a father and i was loyal and trustworthy i always showed up and kept my promises um but i was crass and crap what’s that word crash yeah right it sounds wrong to me i know it sounds

(39:43) wrong but it’s right um yeah i was bullish i guess is another good word for it um i don’t know i was just like opinionated and stubborn and independent it was you know something that i thought was really important but was also made me like it was one of those words that made me feel oh yeah i’m doing things right but it was really just me being almost like judgmental to anyone who wasn’t doing what i was doing and i was angry i was super angry and i did not know i was angry until many eastern medical doctors uh yeah you know people

(40:28) who were reading my auras and all kinds of things would tell me i was angry at my father and specifically my liver was super angry yeah our liver carries our anger yeah so so i did i was in therapy later anyway that’s a whole nother story like my liver being angry at my father which i have expressed to my father we’ve had this we’ve talked about all this but um it’s so crazy because it it literally after i mean that was one of the first things i got told when i was on that journey to like heal my gut and stuff

(40:57) and heal my uh the all the mental issues i was having with just anxiety and panic and everything and one of the first things that i was told was your liver is angry at your father and it’s crazy that one of the things that healed me most at the very end of that journey was um figuring out the whole enzymes and bile production which is all liver based stuff and then of course like the meditation and things i did to kind of release that anger and talking to my dad about it um yeah but okay so during that time though

(41:28) when i was like stepping into this this man mode i literally could not be outmanned uh you couldn’t outman me in the office in the pocketbook in the bedroom and i was attracting men who were like seeking a father figure literally yeah like for all the way like after my teens like into my 20s all the men i attracted were basically guys who had dads that weren’t very present in their lives or seeking a father figure and because i was already trying to out everybody you know this is completely subconscious but yeah i was doing it

(42:05) they could never measure up to the man i was yeah so um i mean now i know those things because i’ve done work to dig them out out of me and i’m i’m a little more i’d hope a little more selective about the traits that um that i inherited there you know that serve me and those that definitely do not and i am i don’t know i consider myself to be intelligent and ingenuitive and literally overflowing with information highly creative and apparently not humble because i can list that off but um the counterbalance of the less positive

(42:51) traits was super necessary in order for me to even have discovered that i had any creativity in me or discover that i could use that like um part of you know that that masculine part of me to bull bulldoze through and you know whatever bulldoze through the pain or whatever it was that got me to figure out the knowledge i needed to heal i don’t know it’s weird it’s like you need both parts you need to have a lot of the shitty stuff in order to get through to the good stuff and even that goes with building your character

(43:29) especially um and i noticed too my dad he’s not like an emotional guy he’s never been um he doesn’t use emotional language or anything and so maybe that’s largely why i use my logic like over empathy um yeah i think that’s i mean oh he was really he was you know he was going to school to be like a chemist i believe and he got drafted into the navy to be a nuclear engineer so he was a super smart well not was he is a super smart dude but knowledge was always important to him and that i knew so so like in

(44:13) school it was really important for me to do good in school and school is always for whatever reason like the the physical um you know show up do the work get the test right get the a’s whatever was easy for me um he paid me for my grades so like wow the better the grades the better payment it wasn’t like it wasn’t massive you know yeah 20 dollars for a’s or whatever it was yeah um and it worked i mean i achieved a 4.

(44:40) 0 at some point so hey i would do it with my kids yeah um but yeah so i think that’s how my relationship with my father influenced my relationship with the world a lot of ways [Music] yeah you are the most wait me and jimmy said in that uh our first or i guess it was our fourth episode that we interviewed him we both said that you’re the most logical person we know i think we both said that yeah yeah that’s how my brain tends to work not me so you’re pretty logical i mean you definitely analyze and i think you have

(45:16) a lot of logic but you but i think i’m emotion based maybe emotion first but see like we just that’s why we’re good together because i need more of the empathy and you need more of the logic and then when we can just talk to each other and balance it out yeah that’s true so speaking of that it’s our one year anniversary of the show yeah what has been your biggest takeaway so far from doing this show um my biggest takeaway has definitely been strengthening strengthening my bond with you jade

(45:54) um and i knew that would you know like i knew that was going to be part of it but i didn’t know that it was going to be so important to my life in so many ways that were unexpected like i feel like we getting to do this show together and having to like always uh check in with each other whether that’s true you know it’s and we’re checking in with each other because it’s in some ways almost like therapy yeah but you know it’s work so it’s like we’re showing up for it but of course we

(46:25) text each other we can’t avoid it yeah yes exactly you can’t avoid it like i can’t become introverted and not deal with you because i you know we have to show up for it and um so buildings will be awkward i’m not coming i’m not coming out of my hole um so that yeah like just creating a true friendship with a woman so like trusting a woman i think was a super important part for me that i didn’t realize i was gonna be able to um do because even in uh wanting to start the show like when you came to me with the idea for the

(46:58) show a big thing for me was like do i want to do something with another woman because i think for me you know as you can see from yeah that i just explained i have a lot of distrust when it comes to women or hat which is weird because i have so many close long-term girlfriends but i don’t have but you may not place a lot in their hands like totally handsome exactly like i don’t give them responsibility in this friendship and i don’t take a ton of responsibility in the friendship unless they come and ask

(47:27) me then i’m always there but it’s like i’m very much a standoff friend so like when you’re with me we’re 100 like let’s talk we’re going to get through all the stuff we need to get through you’re going to feel seen and hurt hopefully and i’m going to feel safe you know like we’re going to have that whole bonding and all that’s going to go on i can pick up from like not having talked to someone in a long time but i don’t nurture my friendships and it makes me feel sometimes like i’m a

(47:52) bad friend like it’s like i can’t like your campaigner description oh yeah yeah huh in the friendships i don’t think i read that part yet said something like that yeah i gotta look into that um yeah and so and the biggest takeaways for the show would be oh it’s given me opportunity to like depend on someone else so that’s like more than the trust thing but someone who i it’s like a partnership you know so i’ve never had a partner in business you know which is opposite from what you were saying you pulled from your father

(48:32) relationship yeah so in a sense yeah i see where you’re relating that but yeah just like having someone where i can go where i can trust because you know we build this bond and then i can trust you to show up for something and then you do and it heals me in a weird way you know what i mean like it’s too much responsibility to say that i need that all the time or whatever but knowing that i have a partner someone who is just as invested that that just that alone like anything i’ve gone into in my life been

(49:08) like i don’t really want to partner with a person because i’m gonna care more i’m gonna work harder i’m gonna do all these things and that’s not the reality in this partnership like you care just as much as i do yeah you know this is so important to your life too and i know it’s gonna get edited and stuff like that yeah yeah and like if i’m having a crazy ass day where there’s no way i can get to something and i say jada i can’t do this like you will show up for me and i you know what

(49:33) i mean like i can lean on somebody that has never been something in my life like all the men i’ve dated were literally needing someone to lean on so you know like most i should say there’s been one caveat but mine have always been like i passive aggressively asked for help like there’s that meme where it’s like hey would you mind picking me up from this place um you can just run me over with a car if you want like it’s like it’s like i’m so sorry for asking you for this favor but i’d always like

(50:03) passive aggressively asked for something to be done but like midway through i’d be like i’ll just do it myself let me i gotta get it done right you know yes i totally see that i know this podcast it’s impossible to do that though we can’t neither of us can carry this whole podcast on our own so yeah so that’s been the case for me too yes i i know we’ve had that conversation even before like just how to communicate with people we’re trying to employ for something on this podcast you know like

(50:31) not like be super direct and that’s not almost like you’re talking to um alexa exactly a robot exactly that’s exactly that’s a great tip for especially you know anyone with that more i want to call it like i don’t want to call it a feminine quality what do you want to call that it’s like a softness it’s like an empathetic way yeah i don’t know we’ll have to put less abrasive anyone with like a less abrasive or direct way less direct way of coming at things one way you can communicate and know

(51:04) that you’re going to get your point across is to pretend like you’re talking to siri or alexa because yeah that’s a great tip that’s good magic tricks yeah but but yeah if you can add some empathy too because you know alexa doesn’t have feelings but people do yeah you just add the yellow heart but when that person like yeah yeah yeah that’s that’s me the yellow heart no matter what but yeah if you like if someone really triggers you or you know that you really trigger them just talking like alexa i feel like

(51:34) you you’ve you kind of gave me the idea and then another friend but um but also with this show i was curious how has your truth changed or has it for sure um i think a lot like what i was just saying i think my truth has changed by doing the show because i started with the idea that no one is as hard working as me no one cares as much as me and i’ve been you know proven wrong like you definitely have shown up as a full-blown partner um of course with the show i’ve grown mentally my truth has grown in all kinds

(52:17) of directions because of the research the amount of like studying we do for for our conversations with our guests and um my truth is grown in the in what i consider my i want to say in my competence um level like in being taken seriously as a podcast host um in you know being able to talk to these great minds and mentors of mine and realizing that i’m well we’re becoming one of these great minds ourselves just because of the exposure like that’s freaking cool man like you know like i i don’t think that i’m a master in any of these

(53:02) things but i definitely know that at some point soon i will feel like i have mastery and a lot i really um but we’ve learned a lot through these talks yeah yeah so yeah have you i mean i think we both know the answer to both of our answers to this but have you wanted to give up and if so what kept you from doing so oh yeah okay so i have wanted to give up on this podcast but just for like the day like i’ve never been like this is it i don’t want to ever do it it’s never lasted more than 24 hours no

(53:39) but i’ve been like and i mean we’re pretty vocal about that we’re like look i don’t want to see or talk to anybody about this [ __ ] podcast for at least a day i’m in ovulation or wherever you know especially after our events give me a week yeah i’m on day 28 of my cycle and i need a minute um i guess for me it’s day 18 to 21.

(54:02) that’s the days where i should probably just be m.i.a uh so yeah i have felt that way but like momentarily never i mean this is literally my greatest accomplishment like it is oh yeah it for sure is it’s i know the that’s one of the magic mob’s questions is what is your proudest accomplishment oh dynamic for life 816.

(54:26) you ask that i’ll get into that deeper but just to finish your question about if i ever wanted to give up i think that i knew you kept you from doing it yeah like i think i knew that this um was going to be one of the things i felt i mean right away we both were so excited about this thing like it felt like it was already towards our calling because we were already doing the seeking and the researching of stuff that would heal ourselves and so we kind of knew this was going to be big for us it was going to be a major project and

(54:55) so it was never going to be easy like it was that wasn’t even a question it was never going to be mundane and like just talk about silly stuff and jokes and surface level [ __ ] it was always gonna be about speaking deeply into the hearts of the world um and just hoping to open people up to this world of knowledge that was helping us so so much um it was always about adding value to people’s lives and it ended up adding so much value to my life as well so yeah i’m so proud of it i’m so proud of us

(55:27) jade yeah yeah yeah yeah i think what keeps me um i’m not asking for reviews here you guys but what keeps me from giving up is when we do get like a review that says or this makes me feel less crazier when i when i get someone in the end that’s like um like man this this is my favorite podcast it’s like literally every week it’s what helps me to continue on and i’m like over here thinking like is this is this like is anything gonna come of this you know and then when someone says that i’m like oh that’s what it’s about

(56:02) actually you know so it’s literally it’s and and we have to keep remembering too we’re always worried about numbers and we’re always worried about how many subscribers reviews and everything else but one of those people is struggling with suicide and then they will say this yeah totally and they chose to stay alive right it doesn’t even have to be as dramatic as suicide even it can be if one person goes less lonely dude exactly if one person feels not alone one person feels like huh you know

(56:30) what i can take my health into my own hands and do the research i just got told on this podcast that there’s like 20 books on this you know specific thing that’s hurting that’s making me mean in my life just like and we said that from the beginning if one person makes that change and it sounds so cliche and tacky but it’s true dude like that makes it feel worthwhile yeah um [Music] okay so what’s the toughest spot you’ve been in mentally and how did you get through that okay not podcast related

(57:06) yeah what’s the toughest spot i’ve been in mentally and how did i get through it um i what sticks out right away is the breakdowns which i like to call awakenings now and um the first one was in seventh grade that i can remember i was probably like 11 or 12. um i think i talked about it in the paul selig episode episode number two yeah if you want to hear about the details we’re having them on again soon yeah we are um but then again i had another really like just mental [ __ ] show where slowly i think this was in the end of my 20s um

(57:53) it was once i had met chris so my husband so something you know my therapist kind of brought this up to me when this was all going down and i went and seeked out a therapist um the fact that i had just kind of like found the person i knew i was going to be with for you know i decided okay this is who i want to be with so like the searching that a lot of women including myself are so consumed with like finding this other person and studying for certain yeah so like i felt certain so cool my brain was like cool we don’t have to spend all of

(58:26) our time worrying about how we’re gonna find this prince charming you know so then what do you spend your time on exactly so then what do i spend my time on and what happened was all the other things that i m you know needed to look at accumulated as anxiety and panic attacks and depression and just started like seeping in and i was literally going i am the happiest i’ve ever been in my life and suddenly i’m having these bouts of just like anxiety i can’t get and i thought i was going snatch it crazy i was like oh

(59:00) that’s it because my biggest fear is like going bat [ __ ] crazy and just being locked away in a straight jacket or something and uh so that that just stirred up the anxiety obviously even worse and made me spiral into this terrible place where um i really was just like afraid of my brain like i i literally saw my brain as this like thing that was constantly attacking me and i had no control over and it felt just [ __ ] terrifying and so i you know this was the point um like i was talking about earlier this is

(59:36) where this is the time when all the the 15 years of being 15 years of being um chronically constipated at this time all the panic anxiety depression is happening and so i turned to western medicine and then eventually eastern medicine and all the different doctors i saw literally dozens of doctors i saw i read dozens of books i tried countless therapies and alternative therapies and it was like mind-body spirit all-encompassing because i had symptoms that were all relate you know mind body spirit related like they were it was all

(1:00:13) things i was under attack so by myself by my own self i was under attack um and it took a couple years before i could manage everything that was going on for me i think like you know and this was around the time that i departed i parted ways with belgium so um so i wasn’t even i didn’t even experience this with you really right i was over here just trying to get these babies out yeah and i mean actually the last few months i think you were there i was starting to get anxiety um so bad and panic attacks like on stage

(1:00:50) at bellator you know but no one knew because i would just be in my skin with my smile plastered on my face and somehow was able to hide it but i mean my limbs would completely go numb on stage i wha i mean just every if you know every classic anxiety panic attack symptom you could think of i was dealing with but completely alone because i was like just like oh nobody knows what the hell’s going on because i’m a crazy person so how could they relate to this my family members have never talked about any having anxiety depression

(1:01:25) panicking so no again like it was just so crazy how how much we just depend on our little world that gets taught to us through our family and we have no idea what’s going you know all the possibilities and even like i i had some really bad anxiety this morning and i have i don’t get anxiety often anymore now that through plant medicine and this show and lots of other tools but this morning i had it really bad and my first instinct was to apologize to the people i was around so it’s almost like there’s also this

(1:01:55) part of you that feels like i’m sorry you have to be around me when i’m like this i’m a nuisance yeah um [Music] which gives you not only makes the anxiety worse but adds shame to it to where it makes it um you know when there’s shame on anything it makes it harder to um acknowledge and harder to heal so well yeah because especially in those situations in a fight or flight mode and so any added pressure is just that it’s pressure and it’s it’s heavier to carry in the moment and it’s just

(1:02:28) like not helpful thank god literally my saving grace was that chris had been through all of this in his younger years i mean he still deals with some of it you know time to time to but he can manage it now but he had gone he’d already gone through basically what i was going through to some degree and so he was able to see it in me first of all and i was i felt comfortable and safe enough with him to talk about it and then he would help me give me tips or hold me or whatever i needed and when going to the western doctors

(1:03:03) and you’re telling them you’re having these symptoms they’re like oh yeah you’re you’re basically they tell you you’re crazy in a sense but yeah and they say here get on this ssri and they tried to give me drugs so many times my therapist even at after many appointments and me tracking my hormonal cycles and going look it’s related to my hormones she’d be like okay well get on seraphine or whatever the one is like that’s specifically for hormone cycles i’m like but wait there’s got to

(1:03:28) be a better way it’s interesting too how um the person that you’re around um like you said chris was so helpful like there were relationships i was in where when i would have an anxiety attack they would either leave because they were afraid to like enable it be an enabler that like oh well if i reward this or like give her attention for it then she’ll have anxiety later for attention wow why would anyone want to have anxiety i’ve had multiple partners treat me that way like i was using it for attention

(1:04:01) and then they would make it worse by trying to avoid enabling it because then they i would you know yeah it would become a pattern and it made me feel so much more like you like misunderstood and so much more alone in the struggle whereas this morning the person that i was with um i instantly said i’m having some real bad anxiety right now i don’t feel like an attack is even coming on and they just like massage my neck and my upper shoulder and just that touch without even like they didn’t try to fix

(1:04:31) it they didn’t try to tell me like oh just breathe just them being there and like doing that physical touch it slowly but surely went away so yeah really as you feel safe with this person generally yeah so it’s really interesting how our loved ones responses to it yeah um trigger it or don’t yeah that’s tough i mean i can see but it’s also their filters right and their triggers it’s not their fault exactly so and i’m sure maybe they have an experience where that is true for them you know i don’t know

(1:05:07) but uh i’ll be maybe people use the word anxiety where it’s not placed but all i know is that the anxiety that i experience i would never want to be in that situation for any reason i don’t care i’d rather be alone for the rest of my life to experience any excitement yeah i don’t i don’t know if you can be the boy calls cries wolf with that but i’m sure there’s instances where there’s that happens um but so through all this it birthed my passion for um hormone and psychology education because

(1:05:41) that’s where i really like started finding some answers and started digging in deep and realizing that for me that’s you know large part of where this is all spawned it got me into nutrition and fitness and alternative therapies and just my whole healing journey really lit me up into my knowledge path i guess yeah um this is what you’ve been in mentally and how you got through that so it was kind of like um through i guess finding how it could be useful yeah how i got through it is basically because of all these this tough

(1:06:26) uh all of these tough symptoms came up for me and it pushed me and motivated me to start seeking out the answers through to education yeah i could and then that’s what i did i just started reading books and going to different doctors and learning what i could from here and there and then testing it on my body yeah and then seeing how it affected me yeah and literally it took a couple years to get it all you know get the whole regimen together but then i finally was like you know worth it [ __ ] great and i’m ready to start

(1:06:56) a podcast that i learned so damn much yeah so what about when it comes to modeling what has been your biggest lesson in that part of your career um when it comes to modeling or what is your career as a model taught you maybe okay my career as a model has taught me what i say a lot you already are i already am and um the way that that happened we spend so much time wondering what people think about us uh wondering if our mask that we’re wearing is on straight or if someone’s gonna be able to see through it you know

(1:07:49) and we become so consumed or at least i became so consumed by ego and when i say ego i mean it’s like it’s part of us that’s concerned with it’s not just it’s not just a part of us you know you think a lot of people think of ego and they think it’s at least this is how i saw it i thought ego was just this idea of when someone compliments your head gets big and it’s like this part of you that you become cocky or something like that it i didn’t really have a clear definition but what

(1:08:23) i’m talking about here is ego as this part of us that is so concerned with being seen you know like being validated in that way um and and at the root of it all ego is about surviving right like the reason that we need the ego is because it’s a thing that allows us to step out of danger’s way you know it keeps us alive literally and so being seen especially like in the sense of a model where you’re out there on the cover of a magazine or whatever and all these people are going and going to see it and that makes your

(1:09:06) ego say look i’m alive like phew it’s okay i’m safe everybody sees me that means i must exist that means i must be alive so i’m safe i’m not only closer to death today you know and i know that’s so weird and it seems so basic but that is literally like where the in my opinion ego lives is like this root place it’s just about am i alive am i alive am i alive it’s just constantly asking and it wants and if you allow it to be seen especially in just as rudimentary ways like through modeling

(1:09:38) it gives it that satisfaction um and i was seeking validation from others by being seen physically literally physically by choosing to be a model i think that’s a big part of why that job became a big part of my life you know like it’s so validating in that way and um that obviously can go to a really ugly place if it becomes not validating one day you know and then you have to reassess what’s going on here your ego has to literally feel like it’s dying i mean it’s painful when someone suddenly doesn’t notice you anymore you

(1:10:14) don’t exist to them people in the world don’t see you as quote you know beautiful and they don’t see you at all maybe because you don’t look a certain way so now i feel like i’m hopefully transitioning but i’m sure at some point i will feel the the the death of the ego that lived in this modeling world as i transition out of the modeling world one day um but now i feel like it’s more about being understood and that’s why we have this podcast like i feel like being understood is the the new scene

(1:10:48) for me you know like it’s the new place that my ego is hoping to get validation in a sense and it seems a more healthy place too because it’s maybe uh has some longevity to it and and it’s by the way it’s not bad i don’t think to to seek validation i think it’s very human yeah but um i think that it can become unhealthy and so just being aware you know of where that’s coming and going for you yeah validation can be very healing yeah and so the whole urdr statement um is just about removing all the layers

(1:11:25) of disbelief that veil that truth that you already are and so putting aside all the the the masks that i’ve worn as a model and allowing my authentic self my authentic truth to like come out and be like i said how you were inspired to do hashtag keep it relish i was inspired to do hashtag keep it realist just because it’s about uh the things that i thought i needed to see when i was literally going through my young years and moving into becoming a model and just comparing myself constantly to these images of people yeah

(1:12:09) even now even now that i know i’m able to recognize when something is face tuned and filtered i still compare myself to that 100 and there this guy um i’ve told you this story but this guy that um i was gonna see one day i noticed that he likes this picture it was on my newsfeed i wasn’t instant talking but i followed this girl and he liked this picture that was super freaking airbrushed super face tuned and i had i had worked till like 3am the night before i had bags under my eyes i wasn’t gonna do

(1:12:45) anything with myself and i was like damn now he thinks that that’s what women are supposed to look like i do not want him coming over and it put me in such a funk and i took it out on him without him even knowing like i was mad at him genuinely over this yeah yeah and it was because of me comparing myself to some a image that is not real that is not what that girl looks like right and i compared myself to it to the point where i was mad at him yeah and even if that girl is it did look like that i mean obviously there’s a whole nother

(1:13:16) thing about us comparing ourselves to other people but we’re competitive by nature so i get it um but yeah i have had the same experiences i’m sure all people have like you just stalk somebody online whether you’re stalking or not um you know and i’ve seen my husband like a picture where i’m like really like come on you do social media management for a living you [ __ ] don’t realize how and it’s not about not realizing like they’re just men they’re just sorry guys i think the other thing for women that’s

(1:13:49) different from men is that men see it as just like whereas women are like they see it and they think that’s what you must like so if if they’re liking a bunch of pictures with women that look a certain way we think that’s what they want to see yep and then we feel like we have to be that yep whereas men it’s just a double tap yeah literally there’s no thought process behind it yeah it’s true but i don’t know that’s kind of part of the keep it realistic thing too is getting guys on board like to understand

(1:14:24) that what’s healthy is what we should all be after yeah and i think that’s a really tough thing it’s a tough ask for guys um but i think a little by little they’re going to understand why that’s so necessary they’re going to have daughters and be real it’s going to be really obvious they’re going to have girlfriends women are such a critical part of men’s lives and they just forget how critical women are to their lives so if they can find ways to be supportive the sooner they figure that out the

(1:14:52) sooner they figure out being supportive of women’s health is important the better off we’ll all be because we have to do this [ __ ] together guys we have to do this all together that’s funny um all right let’s get into our questions from the magic mob okay we have a handful so at trev58 i thought this would be a good first one do’s and don’ts when going down on your woman also he asked for you to talk about the importance of giving recognition to your woman oh boy trev t rev whatever you are

(1:15:37) uh or t reeve we don’t know any who you have some curiosities of the netherlands so going down on your woman i would say let’s just let’s just clean slate here start with understanding why foreplay is so important yes because there’s so in my opinion sex isn’t good without it and okay so let’s get we’ll get into that okay first off porn culture raising our men for the most part at this point right like especially our young men but even our older men now all of the men are watching porn and porn

(1:16:22) does not have very many good examples of the time and effort that should be allocated or foreplay no porn uh encourages selfishness for sure for sure for sure because it’s about you know get it done yeah and while you’re watching it right and so when you’re asking this question trev tree rev whatever whatever your name is uh you’re asking about being with a woman a human woman you’re not asking about a robot a porn star because they’re not you know that’s all acting it’s not it’s not real

(1:16:58) guys um so i think just like let’s first bust them plus the myth plus the myth that penis and vagina sex is what we have to aim for yes that is that does not have to be the like end all be all when it comes there is so much more fun things to get into outside of penis and vagina sex and it doesn’t have to be the last thing you do you know there’s no we’ve got episodes on this now i feel amazing about it we have episodes on like uh who’s our recent girl sarah yeah sarah rose oh there’s just so much information out

(1:17:39) there at your fingertips not on the porn sites that can give you yeah please don’t use porn as a resource i can give you so much knowledge about all the experiences you can have that are incredibly intimate besides penis and vagina sex you know in v sex because envy sex is it can be good it can be great but it is not everything and it’s hard to say do’s and don’ts because every woman is different like um some women like one thing and other women don’t like another thing so the one thing i can say that is always a do

(1:18:15) is asking her what she likes because not only is that going to show her that you’re putting forth the effort to please her which is a huge turn on um but you’re going to find out for yourself what what helps her specifically because every woman is different and that could be frustrating for men so i would say the most important things i think communication you’re talking about what you’re talking about there jade is is number two for me communication is part of the foreplay yeah well in a three okay so i got a

(1:18:46) three-step program for you here to lock this down all right um most important things that have happened that have to happen in order to create mind-blowing intimacy number one safety you got to make your partner feel that is wanted you gotta make a safe place and also that like she’s desired and like nothing on her or that would come out of her is gross exactly that is exactly what i want to say yes safety so that’s that security that safe place to express sexuality comes from doing things like giving authentic um

(1:19:32) compliments that are truthful to you you know you feel literally are authentic and you do uh admire in that person and especially that don’t shame them in any way yeah about ridding shame yeah because i think sex is supposed to be like loud and wild and messy but a woman can’t get there if she feels like that’s gross to you yeah or in her head any in any way about this thing is shameful because god knows what reason she might experience shame around it because you just heard all the reasons i experienced

(1:20:06) shame you know from ridiculous things from my childhood but women bring that into the bedroom all the time and so if you as a man can be a partner who basically squelches all those things for her and says i [ __ ] adore you in all these ways um you know it can be and that you want her to come too because if the goal in her head feels like it’s just the goal it’s just for the man to come yes oh my god it changed but but when the goal is for both of y’all and that’s known and you she goes in there knowing

(1:20:41) that y’all are both going to experience that pleasure yeah that changes everything guys i mean i don’t know because it’s a given that the man’s gonna come every single time and that like but it’s not for the woman so if a woman knows that every single time she is going to also that’s transformative i completely agree and i think you know sorry if my parents are listening to this to get too graphic but guys if you you say things to your woman like again they need to be genuine i’m just going to give you some examples yes

(1:21:10) please because i think men need them um i love the smell of your skin i love the way your skin smells i love uh i love the way you smell down there that’s a huge thing that women are worried about a lot of the time again especially if you’re taking b vitamins never know what those means you smell like a b vitamin girl um uh you might say i love the way that your voice sounds when you moan or or i love i didn’t mean to moan then yeah i love the way your body shakes you know when you orgasm like ways that you can

(1:21:48) say that you adore or are completely ridding any shame that she might have around parts of her sexuality and just making her feel safe okay so we’ve covered that so the other thing step two like you were talking about i want to add to that real quick though also making sure that she knows that you’re enjoying this because if she feels like it’s a chore she’s not gonna be able to get there like i get in my head like oh i feel like it’s already been like 10 15 minutes i feel bad that he’s still having to do this

(1:22:15) if i’m like that with a guy the orgasm is very weak but there’s been guys where like after 45 minutes i’ve already had like 13 orgasms i’m having to pry them off me that’s why the orgasms were so strong and plenty full is because i’m having to pry them off me because they want to do it so much yes and that makes a huge difference like you acting like you want to be down there and that’s the guys that we gals even if we don’t end up in you know relationship forever with you we remember

(1:22:44) with any of them but yeah but i remembered you remember that yeah yeah i mean it might not have just been the right time or who is with other circumstances were there but the thing is who i remember most sexually are people who made me feel the most beautiful in bed the most like uh safe you know in that regard like nothing i could do was gross no part of me was gross to them it was instead like invigorating and amazing they couldn’t get enough no they couldn’t get enough so um communication guys step two of

(1:23:15) this three part is like jade was saying literally language and asking what she or he likes and wants you know ask literally ask i mean that’s a-s-k-g-e-t we know this you gotta ask or you’re not gonna know and if you’ve done the steps prior and that shows so much confidence and vulnerability which is super sexy yes so that’s another point i was going to say uh firstly if you’ve done the step before to make her feel safe then she’s going to be much more open and willing to say what she wants because a lot of

(1:23:50) times women feel um the need to just give only positive feedback and never say that they need or want anything that’s so true yeah so we this is important to not assign the unattainable cultural ideas and ideals that are out there about men supposed to have like innately just know how to be an intuitive lover and and women needing to not be too forward or too needy in bed these are things that like our culture yeah kind of breeds into us and it’s all [ __ ] so true do not assign to that [ __ ] ask vulnerably and authentically what your

(1:24:31) partner wants and if you’ve already laid down the safety stuff prior you’ve made her feel secure to express her sexuality then she can express it in words when you ask and then the third thing is connection so like obviously the the the eye contact oh eye contact that gives a lot of connection that’s good i don’t i didn’t i wasn’t gonna even use that but that’s good so putting together the safety and the communication stuff is obviously connecting and then eye contact like jade said but i think

(1:25:04) connection is all about using all of your senses but besides your eyes for the eye contact thing which you know we use when we can see each other but if maybe it’s a dark setting or whatever you might not have as much of that clarity for the eyes but so mainly using your ears and your touch senses to perceive how your partner is responding to what you’re doing i think is really important and that’s where you become the intuitive lover that we’re talking about um and that you’re asking about becoming

(1:25:36) trev t rev uh i and like i said before i think many women are super insecure about giving anything but positive feedback so the best advice that i’ve ever gotten um about being intimate with another person is to sync with their breathing but when you i was reading when you’re making eye contact with them that almost happens so if you feel like sinking with their breathing is awkward if you’re making eye contact with them long enough supposedly your breathing ends up sinking on its own ooh yeah i like that tip

(1:26:09) okay so and then remember to relax your tongue as london angel winters said i don’t know what episode number that was but you could find it on our library so relax your tongue it’s so good i use that we need to have her husband on yes um and then just continue to breathe guys i think that’s like really rounds out communication is like breathing breathing eye contact relax your tongue breathing i you also like that’s so much of like for a woman being able to orgasm it’s like her taking deep breaths

(1:26:40) too and it’s like if a if a man isn’t really breathing then like she’s probably gonna feed off of that energy so him remembering to breathe is gonna like it’s gonna be they’re both gonna be in that energy space you know yeah yes i think so too um yeah and i know i know you’re probably asking about like the specific techniques to do with your hands or tongue or whatever whatever but i think first of all like jade was saying um earlier you might want to give him a few of those recommendations anyways huh

(1:27:14) i was going to say that we’re women we like to we don’t always like the exact same thing we like to change day to day as you men know it’s not easy to just like tack down a specific technique so i would say that if you’re connecting on that intimate level and like using getting her to a place where she feels safe having clear communication and connecting that way then honing down the specific techniques will be pretty obvious especially if you’re being vulnerable allowing her to like guide you and she’s

(1:27:46) in a place where she feels like she can be vulnerable because that was always hard for me yeah i never wanted to say what i wanted because i felt like that was so hard for me too yeah really give direction is really hard especially like in the moment when you’re like please don’t move because it’s like i’m very close don’t move but it’s so hard to say it out loud for some reason yeah a woman safety i swear it’s about safety it’s about feeling like nothing you’re a man yeah like nothing your man

(1:28:15) wants more than for you to have an orgasm or he’s just like so involved in in pleasure just by like pleasuring you that’s really what what it is folks what it is okay mom and dad you could listen now or we got more of that type of stuff what we got oh but he asked one more thing about um did he ask another question i think you had two in there oh yes he asked for you to talk about the importance of giving recognition to your woman to your woman yes okay so i’m not sure on the context but um you know as far as like when

(1:28:55) is he thinking that the recognition is required or when he’s supposed to be giving that but i really don’t think that there’s any time that that’s not important like we all want to be seen and heard it’s a very core need for humans gosh feeling unappreciated in a relationship is one of the worst that that will break a relationship oh 100.

(1:29:15) so yeah there’s never a bad time to recognize your partner for the efforts they’re making and on the podcast here we call it speaking figure out their love language yeah oh yeah recommend the book that’s how you’ll that’s how you’ll wreck it yeah or take just take the quiz take the quiz because if if you’re speaking their love language you know you could buy her flowers to try to recognize her but if that’s not her love language you might as well speaking be speaking chinese while she’s

(1:29:45) only understands english you know so like figure out her love language and use that as how you recognize her great idea and uh it is a skill it is it does take practice you can try out some [ __ ] you know and and women still love i feel like men don’t really do this anymore but like leaving little notes um you know like i feel like that’s so rare these days but like leaving little notes on the car or on the pillow that’s that makes a woman feel seen and recognized as if you’re doing it as a little thank

(1:30:19) you if you want to recognize her you know i feel like little things like that just be creative because um you know if it’s like always the same yeah it may you know it may just be seem mundane to both of you guys but if you mix it up i feel like that that feels makes someone feel very recognized i think men are afraid to feel like they’re they’re [ __ ] or they are um yeah i think that our culture these days makes fun of almost makes fun of that romantic [ __ ] yeah like being a chef romantic no like i remember seeing

(1:30:54) actually the other day a girl made fun of a guy for bringing flowers on the first date and i was like this makes me so mad so like what happened to guys bringing flowers on the first date yeah that is so sweet i would love that yeah me too so i don’t know what kind of rubbish is going on around those millennials something out there but look guys you know what it is [Laughter] light bulb yeah i just saw it go off no but you know what it is is that we’re being told in this culture that this is everything’s instantaneous nothing’s

(1:31:34) worth taking the time to do everything should just be like automatic and easy give me and it’s just not that’s just not long long lasting that’s not what the real intimacy what real intimacy requires is definitely more perseverance so and i think also with like dating apps now it’s like on a first date it’s like people now think maybe that like there’s five or six on both ends five or six options on both ends and so it’s like you bringing flowers is like almost cheesy because it’s like what do you

(1:32:09) think this is you know and and it’s a bummer because i was i was um listening to i think matthew hussey how he was saying like you know before dating apps someone would show up with flowers and it would be a courtship and then he’d go home and he’d process like he would have time to process whereas now there’s no time to process like by the time she’s home she has 10 more matches on the app oh that really breaks my heart i know and so so i think that it’s become this thing of like when you’re too romantic up

(1:32:38) front it’s like whoa whoa whoa what do you think this is like we still have all these other options that we need to decide who we actually want instead of like it being a first date this is a courtship this is you’re the one i’m seeing if i want to pursue anything with yeah and i think it’s uh we’re so busy trying to play some game you know and trying to play this game of like oh again it’s the ego just being if i sense games yeah but i mean we’re talking about if you’re at it if

(1:33:11) you’re dating on a nap and because i know i mean i was a woman who read you know why men love [ __ ] and this was a really good this was a good read because it didn’t set well with me well let me tell you it [ __ ] works to the degree of men men will want to be around you but is it for the right reasons you know you gave me that book i think or told me to get it and i remember not wanting to read it simply because of the title and then you were like tried to explain it to me so i read it and i remember i’m on an airplane and

(1:33:48) there’s like this really hot doctor sitting next to me he had already like said he was or i don’t know how i knew he was a doctor but i knew and he saw the title and he was like dude can i read that and it was like a three-hour flight and you know i have funny flight stories but um he was like can i uh can i read some of that and i think he’s gonna take it for like five minutes i’m on this long-ass flight i want to finish the book yeah he reads it for like an over an hour and then he gives it back to me yeah he

(1:34:14) gives it back to me and he says you listen to you listen to what that book says you will get whatever man you want and i remember something about i was like 24 so 25. i remember him saying that and being like i still didn’t set well with me i was like i don’t want a man that wants the woman like that plays these games like i want to be my authentic self like london says like show all of your sides and like every flavor of you and i want them to want me for that i don’t want them to want me because i i

(1:34:44) stuck to this script right you know um but yeah i never said well about how to catch a husband it’s not how to catch a soul mate you know what i mean yes that’s the perfect way to say it it’s the first book we’re not recommending on the podcast that’s really funny it is uh but i mean it did work if you want it solely ego but you know solely based in that that surface level [ __ ] we’ve all been through enough we’ve all had our heart broken enough we do not need to be thinking about how

(1:35:14) long we should make them wait before we reply to their texts or anything like that like we’ve been through enough in life let’s cut that crap i know i wish just saying that out loud would change it but you know it ain’t gonna we try we try what else you got yes so recognize your woman yeah okay so now we’re so uh john we’re taking a pause so now we’re at we’re a little bit over an hour and a half and we have the rest of the um imagine mob questions and the magic tricks do you want to stop here

(1:35:50) and this i think this is a good stopping place for part one because steps one two and three of how to go down on your woman that is gold i think we’ll i think that would be like kyle’s episode i think that it would literally get three thousand people to listen like do you think that because we didn’t give any like specific technique tips is the problem they don’t know that i know they’re gonna have to listen all the way to the end and then what you do with your fist is you take your right thumb yeah and then

(1:36:21) your left thumb no we don’t like thumbs jade first of all you trim your nails real close to the nubbins no i think and then oh but if we could do it like i want to make this noise oh my god if we could do it like the kristen bell video that i showed you where it where it shows you saying step one and then just the first line step two and step three the first line that will get people to tune in and i honestly think that that clip that alone would be as strong as kyle’s um three-way clip do we need to do anything that’s like

(1:37:01) shock factor right now like here’s what you do step one you take your fist okay step number two this is really important guys no because i think that i think that the way we did it they’re gonna take it seriously and they’re gonna actually wanna tune in for the tips if it sounds funny it’s not going to be as powerful but if it’s like oh [ __ ] i’m going to learn how to really go down on a girl yeah um but i don’t think we should give away what you said i think it should just be maybe me asking the question but not

(1:37:37) with his name because i feel weird putting him on blast there but like maybe if i just ask the question and then it we haven’t you know we have like a minute to like fill the space so but at least don’t say what the three tips are um okay at least that like if we at least say like um i mean we’ll have to listen back to it but if we at least say like um oh yeah i was going to say it’s probably better if we pull just well and then it’s the name of the magic mobbers and not their account handles but yeah

(1:38:12) but also me saying let’s go ahead and give him some techniques anyways like we could end the clip with that okay yeah cause then it sounds like you know and it’s at the very end of the episode so yeah they gotta listen all the way through they’re gonna be just like where is this she keeps talking about her father in tampa and talk about the clitoris that’s really funny what is it clitoris is actually nine inches long some women it’s did you know what clitoris used what yeah oh you didn’t know that

(1:38:54) did you know a clitoris is actually an undeveloped penis makes sense john these are all bloopers makes a lot of snow so like when you don’t become a boy the clitoris stays small but when you become a boy it grows into a penis that’s why some girls have very big clitorises they would i have a big one big penis i would have had a very small penis i’m thankful mine is big cause like i said i bet i don’t always have to take my pants off i bet also it might be a little bit of shocking if you suddenly

(1:39:25) sit somewhere or some angle or something you’re wearing something that could be i can’t wear like laces too big because it like gets stuck in the lace [Music] [Laughter] i’m serious like sometimes i’m like sometimes i look down and i’m like it’s smoking out through the light my undeveloped penis is shaking isn’t that weird though it’s an undefeated penis did you know that it is like 12 inches long because it actually is like a uh what do you call that a wishbone and like a turkey you know

(1:39:59) i had no idea in a turkey that’s actually shaped like like here’s the legs and here’s the queen are you sure you call the clitoris mine’s but it goes all the way down like this and these are all nerve endings all the way into the around the vaginal opening write that down john write that down actually john just cut out keep this episode going and just cut out uh where we talked about ending the episode no but it doesn’t make sense why okay so the nerve endings go around the vulva yeah the clitoris actually it goes all

(1:40:36) the way around so how do i describe this okay here’s so that’s why when they like lick in a certain area but not so like licking is probably only going to be sensitive enough to be like orgasmic when they’re looking on the what we call the clitoris under the hood but then down under this yeah under the clitoral hood and then yeah the the the beam but then on the side we got to have a sex with emily on or something i mean come on water on so bad okay well down the sides is still a lot of nerve endings that are go

(1:41:16) underneath your labial folds in that area so can they lick those well you could look it if you want but that’s probably not a pressure but like pushing in those areas is usually like um especially if you’re already aroused i have never heard of this 912 inches very importantly the uh what do they call that the pubic mound right so the mound where like you know your pubic hair grows on the top of your vagina like above the clitoris the whole area above the yeah um which men have a pubic mound as well right so

(1:41:51) that area though on a woman is very uh connected to the nerves that are inside yes because when you’re on top and you’re moving even if that part is the one that’s like being touched against like their right pubes because it’s more stimulating or like they’re stubble whatever whatever is like able to rub against that i feel like if you’ve already had an orgasm that can make it becomes again sensitive well and also it’s it’s it’s the sensation is becoming also um pressure on inside your va vagina like inside your

(1:42:28) like where your g spot which is really a g area and not a spot um anyway yeah anywho okay john we’ll end it with her saying anywho um so that’s something that we can bring up next week because now we have this for this one if we want to do a sexual video for each one but next week that one about penis size i was thinking that when a guy is smaller he’s able to touch the g-spot with his penis when a bigger penis can’t because his penis head yes because i have never come i’ll say this again on the other

(1:43:12) episode of should we stop this now are you okay yeah let’s go let’s start let’s start sending it okay