(00:01) so let’s just do it okay all right what’s behind me right now some big mess that’s so nice not having to care about what i look like isn’t that chug i know i thought that this morning too i was like if i had to actually care about that also well does the background look crazy though right now no it’s fine okay and it doesn’t matter really you know i know but just i don’t know yeah no it looks a bit distracting okay like these [ __ ] are recording from a closet they know oh i’ve been silent on my phone

(00:41) yeah i don’t know adam hasn’t sent anything back so hopefully he’s okay yeah we got to call him in a minute so we’ll just yeah we’ll just have to wing it and hopefully it works all right ready all right you ready jade you can do this or maybe just read his intro since we need to call him i don’t like being late okay for them hold on my [ __ ] is upside down i’m just gonna start with so today okay so today we’re having on don miguel ruiz jr i’ve become a huge fan of him in his

(01:24) writings i read through three of his books in less than 10 days actually um i just couldn’t stop because i loved absorbing the toltec wisdom and super practical truths his most recent book seven secrets of happy healthy relationships is mostly what we’ll focus on today and i think you guys will all truly benefit whether you’re in a relationship or not i love that he keeps the theme of how bringing healing to ourselves is one of the best things we can do for our partners throughout his book he points out that intimate

(01:54) relationships have the uncanny ability of opening up old wounds that we think are healed and manifesting them in new and unexpected ways love in relationships really is a school true that i agree with that and like a school there will be many many tests so i’m glad we’re getting to chat with miguel today since he and his books especially the most recent one are like a living cheat sheet which i’ve already found very helpful um and of course we’re gonna get into all those details so i won’t get into them

(02:27) now um let’s just get into it so without further ado let me introduce a toltec warrior and spiritual healer a dedicated father and husband and as a how do i say it nah nah and as a nawal he helps others to achieve their personal freedom and optimal physical and spiritual health by passing on the tools and wisdom of his family’s traditions cool i think that sounds good um maybe we ask him how to pronounce that if you want it’s not well it’s i actually um spelled it phonetically it’s not how it’s spelled oh it spelled like nad gal

(03:09) or something so i i just didn’t read it right when i was reading right now you didn’t answer okay if you have your plug headphones plugged in you can’t hear it that’s the problem can’t hear what like if you’re not wearing your headphones and you’re plugged in you can’t hear the call come in oh adam just said uh he’s up for soundcheck okay let’s send over ours just so he has them in case he has to say our gain is high or anything like that your gain is at nine o’clock right

(03:51) um what’s the gain on the other side right yeah on the back it says gain yeah let me look let me just message him real quick okay i wonder why he’s not answering okay let’s send this to adam yeah give me a couple minutes is it his assistant we’re emailing yeah but i was talking to him on skype too she just like does his schedule for him because she books things and he doesn’t want a double book it was 11 30 today right that’s what oh

(04:56) you know did you did it save your first file oh i never exported it i never oops i guess i need to stop this yeah he’s gonna have the whole thing so you can just listen to a couple minutes though okay that’s what i’m saying [Music] today’s a hard one huh mm-hmm get through it look at us living our bliss though on this side of things all right so this is just come on the only thing is since it’s a little bit bigger it might take a little while longer to send i know probably not too bad that’s

(05:46) only a couple minutes so then we’ll probably need to shut down from there should we no we’ll just keep recording from there right just keep recording okay because that’ll have that intro in case we want to use anything yeah okay magic where the hell is he dude did you email or you text him or what how’d you try to reach out i can’t contacted him on

(06:50) skype maybe email since that’s how we’ve been doing i don’t know i only have his um what time zone is he in i don’t know i said 9 30 a.m pacific okay mine just transferred adam okay me is your door open from now on

(08:02) no from now on i’m gonna um request a phone call a phone number yeah like a textable number or something i’m calling him on uh instagram how do you do that you just hit call remember when i accidentally had my phone number on there oh yeah he has his that’s not a good idea that’s probably not a good idea man he’s not answering this [ __ ] this is ridiculous do we have a uh email for the assistant yeah i already emailed her i mean a phone number sorry

(09:06) no okay here good news is your kids are still home and they’re loud so this would not be great on the recording so at least the time is ticking for that you know he’s doing this to piss me off i guarantee it sure he’s very very spiteful okay she just responded and asked for the call-in information again all he needs to do is get on skype lady god this is annoying uh i think because you’ve already added him he can pop on at any time just as a warning you’re not recording on audacity again yet right

(10:04) should i stop this recording of the video you think i restart no just let it go she said can you send the instructions for dialing again just want me to forward this email again or what do you want to do do you have it yeah i have it pulled up not on her game i guess mhm [Music] do you think you should listen to papa

(11:11) okay please see the i’m just reforming that email from adam skype instructions where they call instructions link what’s going on it’s only nine minutes i know but the fact that he’s not even online like it’s odd yeah and it makes me think that he hasn’t downloaded audacity because you know what i mean

(12:16) i think people think it’s going to be easier because they’ve done a million podcasts and then they have to go do this audacity thing they’re like wait what well that’s their job especially when you have an assistant i know they’re getting paid to read the instructions like sure if it’s just you okay maybe you didn’t read it but when you have a uh an assistant like they’re getting paid to do this hmm oh adam emailed also i don’t know if you saw them my tea tastes fishy today

(13:32) you want to record some stuff before while they figure that out there’s no point with the racket in there that’s true he knows that i had to hit record at 11 30. let’s just look through the questions that we have from maybe just to say them once over again since they kind of i didn’t really fully reverse them [Applause] you want to go with your go ahead on the first one on the first question yeah let me turn my phone on off airplane mode we’re not recording so just you’re not recording right

(14:18) yeah just to practice it well adam hasn’t even let us know how it sounds right oh no he did did he i didn’t see it oh text yes let me keep checking my email to see if she’s responding i’ve got nothing just try it try it out miguel we all agree that relationships are one of the most powerful catalysts for personal growth so we’re excited to dive into this topic with you so something i’m coming to terms with which may seem obvious is that we can only change ourselves okay so she just asked if he can call me because

(15:21) he’s not receiving any of my calls is the issue okay let me see skype [Music] i’m just gonna say stuff out loud while you’re doing that okay so then what is the difference between loving without conditions and also expecting respect and growth in our partners and then maybe as a secondary question since as children nurture and guidance seems to be a critical part of our growth keeping in mind what we’ve already discussed how does this how does this play into a parent child relationship all right let’s try this one

(16:21) hello hi hello hi how are you hi good so sorry for all the confusion yeah wait not only they found me all right let’s go i’ll let you go all right all right all right sorry about that skype’s been a little uh weird since they updated this i know it actually made me um like make a new account and everything yeah this is the the third interview with that people couldn’t find the address and it’s the same address yeah they made me make a whole new address it was really weird so yesterday were you able to find me through the

(17:02) email address or just uh make angel ruiz mig angel ruiz um but it’s weird because there’s there’s two at the same exact thing um and one says live and one just says don miguel ruiz jr and i was doing the one that didn’t say live it just said don miguel ruiz jr when i hit live you jumped on right away so i don’t know so that might that person may not be me because i never created don miguel ruiz how weird so it’s bigger make angel risk so we might have a duplicate yeah um did you get a chance to download

(17:41) audacity oh you didn’t okay uh uh natalie’s been having problems because she’s working in denver so the emails she just sent it to me right now so do you want me to all right sorry i’m looking through the email now i wonder i’m going to call adam he might be able to um and let’s see yeah i’m clicking clicking on the link mac os okay click on that please note that this is only available for mac okay how long yeah if you have the instructions it takes less than five minutes to really do them so

(18:39) um maybe that’ll let’s see i’m getting adam on sir he’s not answering um let’s see okay download legacy without those more information that’s an advertisement what is that safety and downloading now hmm um adam’s really sick right now so i know he’s okay he’s got some stomach bug yeah yeah that’s not so good

(19:43) okay matt ellis all right let’s see if that one works oh sorry see if that works it’s downloading something good um so just so you know too if skype glitches a little bit it won’t affect the sound because audacity is what’s recording the sound this is just so we can like see each other and you know read each other’s cues and all that stuff okay so it’s so hard when you can’t see each other yeah i know i i figured where are you at i’m in reno nevada oh okay cool yeah mercedes used to live in vegas yeah

(20:44) all right so how about some vegas um i was in henderson for a little bit and then i lived just like i don’t know 10 minutes behind the airport for the rest of the time there yeah i loved that i mean i i liked the suburbs of it i wasn’t so much into vegas space yeah my father moved there uh in 2002 and we he lived there several times so i visited there quite quite a bit because of it yeah and then you know after a while you get bored with a casino so you stop for sure yeah yeah good food beautiful hiking i mean there’s a lot of

(21:19) really cool scenic stuff around there so yeah all right so i have it open audacity but how do i do this now so now let me pull up mine so i can walk you through that one so there should be a red record button so just record yourself it the once you hit record it should get the green lights flashing a bit do you have your you have headphones in yeah okay and they’re plugged in all the way into the side so can you hear me it’s not we can hear you but um so record it for a minute and say if you just say a few words or count to seven

(21:55) or something like that okay so oh because i stop it so you stop it with the black um square button uh-huh and i just hit play and then you can play it back and make sure you hear yourself there clearly okay i can hear it perfect okay does it sound good i think i think so it’s up to you um so okay so i’m gonna record this and then mail it to you yeah so jay do you want to do this full sound check or because adam’s sick maybe we should just go from there because he could hear himself so we’re probably

(22:30) yeah if you think it sounds good and you don’t hear an echo because sometimes if your volume’s up too loud like you can hear our echo and things like that as long as none of that was going on then uh we’re good there’s a noise coming from my bathroom um a speaker low battery so i’m gonna go turn that off really fast okay okay yeah i just double checked and i didn’t i couldn’t hear any of that stuff okay great so then the next thing you’re gonna do is go back on audacity and make

(22:54) sure you hit the red record button again not the green triangle okay so red button again yep so now you should have that green light flashing guys let me start recording now or you want me to wait until you can start recording now it’s fine they’ll match it up and okay might as well get it going now all right so okay this is uh take two all right yeah so it uh it’ll just continue on from where we left off but adam our producer will match it up when he gets it all right that sounds good so you have the green light bouncing you

(23:28) can tell you’re recording on audacity yes yes yes it’s recording it’s picking up the sound players perfect okay and then jade yeah make sure you’re recording on audacity also yeah my freaking mouse won’t move so that i can shoot everything’s going crazy today we’re gonna figure out what’s going on with the cosmos yeah yesterday was kind of crazy because i was having we were also having problems with the skype so for some reason it just we weren’t able to solve it you know and the same

(23:57) problem yes you just guys had which is to find me i wonder if it’s that for some reason is the account so jade when you typed in his account it was the same name right mig yeah it’s just i mean it happens even when i try to find you mercedes it’s just skype is just weird not great but that yeah um okay so we’re all recording mercedes you’re recording video just in case we’re back up got it okay cool all right so um miguel mercedes i’ll intro you and then we’ll just start yeah actually jade maybe you should come off

(24:31) of your piece just because it kind of pulls the two things together to make it a little well i would just start with so without further ado okay yeah and it’s in the show’s called red fox radio right no no red fox audio is the producer but our show is called the magic hour and the aj i see yeah okay yeah because i had to like make sure because all of a sudden my my notes that had on calendar wasn’t uh matching what what you’re saying i’m wearing wait a minute so i have to double check so okay magic hour mercedes and jaded okay

(25:04) perfect yeah the magic hour yeah because yeah because i want to be able to say everything correctly as opposed to thank you what’s on that thing and uh and for syncing uh do you need me to do anything for syncing no because uh that’s why i’m doing the video adam uses it to to pull all of our sound together when we give him our separate wave files from audio later so okay sounds good thanks yeah it’s the first time i do it this way so it’s i know audacity is a little different but we’ve

(25:31) tried it a few different other ways and this seems to be the most clean after because we’re all in a different location yeah oh so difficult to figure out but so where are you guys yeah orange county and i’m in austin texas austin texas yeah nice heather ash is actually here this weekend nice how are you doing firewalk i’m not sure yet hopefully i’ll see her you’re doing the firewalk if i can get a if i can get baby coverage yeah i know how that goes yeah yeah we’re going to ask you about it

(26:03) that’s good yeah yeah so so uh jadison austin and mercedes in orange county yeah all right so we’re about in orange county i’m in costa mesa nice you know the area oh yeah i’m i’m from san diego we’re in london oh yeah you’re right down the way yeah all right all right thank you so much for having me you guys thank you we’re excited thanks all right i’m gonna just get into it guys so without further ado let me introduce a toltec warrior and spiritual healer a dedicated father and husband

(26:41) as a nawal he helps others to achieve their own personal freedom and optimal physical and spiritual health by passing on the tools and wisdom of his family’s traditions don miguel ruiz jr ladies and gentlemen hi how are you hey thanks so much for having me on your show thank you hi so um miguel we all agree that relationships are one of the most powerful catalysts for personal growth so we’re excited to dive into this topic with you um yeah we we’re looking forward to this um so something i’m coming to terms with

(27:19) which may seem obvious is that we can only change ourselves however i’m recognizing that and i’m not proud of this but i am constantly trying to change my partner for the better his health making sure he does things that he loves that are beneficial um pushing them in the direction of growth but it of course ends up not helping um so my question is what does it look like to change ourselves if we’re unhappy with aspects or habits of our partner well let’s first start us with the first acceptance

(27:49) of big truth which is we only control to the tips of our own fingers we don’t control beyond it i don’t control on my anyone’s perception but my own you know i might be able to say my things for example when i teach i know i’m teaching with permission you know in in those two hours that someone hears me give a presentation they’re listening to me because they gave me the permission if i see the same people in a restaurant i sit next to them i start teaching they’re not going to be so receptive

(28:16) because they didn’t give me permission to teach them and that reminds me something my wife said to me miguel you’re my husband not my teacher and the reason because she said that is mostly because the relationship she and i have is that of obviously husband and wife but she makes her own choices in life she makes her own decisions in life and i can suggest her things and things like that but you know like most people come and listen to some of my presentations but it requires the permission we learn by permission just as much as we heal with

(28:53) permission and something i learned from my daughter for example at the age of four she and i were playing uh the game of who’s gonna blink first and we’re both looking into each other’s eyes and obviously she loses quite quickly and but i continue to look at her and she says to me dad stop looking at me and i said honey i’m looking at you because you’re beautiful and she says to me daddy no i’m not i don’t have any makeup on yeah she’s four years old four years old and at that moment i am

(29:24) tempted to domesticate her to now you’re my daughter you love yourself just the way you are and i luckily for me i was able to recognize the temptation to corrupt such a beautiful sentence as i love myself just the way i am you’re the daughter of the omega rhys jr you have to look at that i was able to pick up on that trigger right away but i still wanted her to hear that so you can never underestimate the power of planting a seed you never know when it’s gonna blossom so i said to her honey you’re beautiful just the way you are

(29:56) and i left it at that and of course uh for a couple of weeks i repeated that here and there just in case it landed in part of her mind because that nice and so secure i want to make sure that it landed and and solid ground on ground that can be fertile for it and she said to me in one of those times daddy i know i’m beautiful just the way i am but makeup makes me look prettier at that point i was amazed that was one i was proud of her because she created a counter argument to me and as a father i’m very proud of that you know

(30:29) my daughter can counter argue me that’s good but it also taught me the lesson that i don’t control her perception she does something that us as a parent is tough you know we would love to make the choices for our kids so that way we can keep them clear of any problems that we’ve learned in our own life but in reality they’re gonna make their own choices so my job as a parent is to teach them what i know but it’s up to them to listen to what is relevant and what is not relevant i say this because it’s also true with

(31:01) our beloveds we don’t control their perceptions they do and that mutual respect for one another is that ability to respect someone else’s know as much as their yes and i don’t control them to impose my will onto them is to live their life for them to take it personally and at that point it’s it’s a lack of respect meaning i don’t respect their choices i don’t respect their consequences even if i think that it should be good for them now that part is essential because it’s the thing that allows us to

(31:34) respect someone else’s will so we looked at it on ourselves in my life i’ve discovered that majority of the fights i had with my ex-girlfriends and certainly to my wife but by the time i got to my wife i figured some of those things out but it was the fights i was having my parents were having and i was having them with them an example of something like that my mother she comes and visits me and she spent the summer with me and she got really really mad at me she got mad at me because i was washing the dishes and doing the laundry

(32:10) she got mad at me for that mikey you should not be doing this and you’re this is your wife thing i’m like mama i respect you and i understand but i’m the one to be that kind of a man i i’m not useless i i’m doing this because it has to be done and it’s all hands on deck we’ve got two kids my son who has autism at the age of 13 my daughter was 11.

(32:34) and we are we are a team so i was able to with respect tell my mom no thank you and i know who i am and because i’m doing the laundry i’m doing the dishes doesn’t make me any less of a man i’m doing this because we are a family we are a unit we are a team and this needs to be done and it needs to be done now so i’m doing it mind you when i was younger i would let my mom dictate and all of a sudden i would that would translate to arguing with my girlfriend at the time and say no you’re supposed to do this

(33:09) you’re supposed to do that and i’m letting my mom tell me so i’m actually not even fighting an argument between me and my beloved i’m letting someone outside of the relationship dictate it now that’s a result of my domestication but at one point in my life i let it impact me as i’ve done the work with throughout time i’m able to to decipher that i’m able to tell the difference of an opinion which is what my mom’s opinion is of her generation of her point of view how she grew up in her

(33:38) domestication her conditioning and that line of respect for myself to say that works for me and that doesn’t work for me and this time with awareness and especially the experience of being a parent it doesn’t work for me so i with respect i said no thank you mama um i’m gonna clean and i’m not gonna i’m not kind of i’m not that kind of a man i want to be a man who engages and helps and is engaging and i’m not useless but in my past it would be a trigger it would be a wound and if i let that

(34:09) belief dictate it then that impacts my relationship now that is something that i came to realize on my own and the realization came from the consequences of the breakups and the arguments and the fights i had with my ex-girlfriends and i see it from my ex-girlfriend’s point of view because they were trying to share from that point of view no we we’ve got to help each other so it’s is is this part of us like as though as the boyfriend that’s the male side of this whatever that’s that’s that’s what i’ve grew up with

(34:44) we have our own domestication of how someone domesticates us to be a man or a woman or whatever it is and whatever role that the gender is supposed to be according to our culture or whatever and sometimes that impacts us emotionally intellectually or energetically and things like that in the moment of beginning to heal is a moment of clarity a moment of clarity allows us to make those choices in our life does this work or it doesn’t you know a moment of clarity without any action is just a thought that passes in

(35:15) the wind but a moment of clarity followed by action becomes a pivotal moment in our life so you can say that from the consequences of my own life of knowing that the only persons the only people who have a say in my relationship is the person i’m in relationship with but in order for me to even get there i had to do the work on my own which is to unlearn my domestication unlearn my conditioning all of them respect my mom in this example and turn to her and says no thank you i don’t believe in that and also in

(35:54) realizing looking back on my past how those beliefs impacted in a negative way my relationship with my ex-girlfriends and that kind of thing so that takes work so when you want to help your partner understand with compassion that there’s two sets of domestication yours the one you grew up with and theirs the one they grew up with the ability to work on each other is one the ability to listen to one another me and my wife we’ve been together almost 15 years and at the beginning you know we we had a culture class she grew up in utah i

(36:32) grew up in southern california we come from two different worlds and my stepmom my mama gaia she asked my wife once how were you able to clear up or heal the culture clash because we both grew up in from different worlds and my wife answered it beautifully because we love each other and that mutual love for one another allows us to one listen to one another but at the same time create something together the willingness to create a whole new culture and to me that’s the essence you know the willingness to see it from someone

(37:08) else’s point of view the willingness to listen allows us the power to say what we have to say with respect so in helping someone heal for example my wife she says you’re my husband not my teacher so how do i teach her then how do i teach my family tradition to her well she already gave me told me she doesn’t give me permission to actually teach which means that i’m going to live it i’m going to live what i’ve learned and put into practice everything she’s i’ve learned and when she asked me

(37:47) i’ll answer yeah yeah exactly and when she asked me that means she’s given me permission to teach her and that’s really it that you know it’s it’s respect the respect we have for one another yeah i like that i um i’m trying to find the balance and all of that i i love you know how you teach about putting less attention on what your partner is doing and more on why those actions make us uncomfortable but also finding the balance of um you know when it may be an unhealthy habit that like bleeds into

(38:21) the health of the home so i’m trying to find the balance there but um but i do i love all of that um the way you put words to it that marriage is the creation of a whole new culture i think is if we could look at it that way instead of we’re coming in this with you know thinking all all the ways that i’ve been nurtured to think are the right way is the only way right and when you become a part of this union you have to detach yourself like you’re saying let go of some of the things that you may have been for the

(38:57) largest part of your life thinking that we’re the right way are not necessarily the right way we talk about it on this show we call it living truth like adjusting your truth to whatever the the most the truth that serves you best you know in the moment um because that changes over time and with your interactions and especially in relationships especially like in a marriage but i love that you also gave us some insight onto how that same idea works in a parent-child relationship like you were describing with your

(39:32) four-year-old four-year-old daughter saying she’s you know i’m not pretty without makeup on or whatever um how how do we i guess i have two parts to this question what’s the difference between loving without conditions and also maybe you answered this a bit but maybe we can go over it again if you have the difference between loving without conditions and also expecting respect and growth in our partners okay well for that we have to differentiate what conditional love and unconditional love is it’s it’s sometimes easier to see the

(40:12) contrast between the two uh conditional love basically is i love you if if you live up to my expectations if you live up to my project image projected image of you i will love you unconditional love is the willingness to see life as is so conditional love wants to see what it wants to see unconditional love allows me to see the the [ __ ] to take off the projected mask i project onto people and see them for who they are so for example let’s just call love and the energy that creates a bond let’s just give it a thing the

(40:49) thing that brings people together and is expressed differently domestication is a system of reward and punishment by which we model the behavior of an individual if you live up to the expectation you’re worthy of love and if you don’t live up to expectation you’re worthy of punishment and since we are emotional beings that experience the full spectrum of our emotions that reward feels like acceptance which feels like love and the punishment feels like rejection and the lack thereof of love is the way we’ve learned

(41:18) conditional love so all the work we do in our family is to let go of conditional love of domestication from the four agreements to all the stuff with that being said my father wants to ask me miguel when my son was born when my daughter was born he said the same thing miguel susan you made a beautiful child now domesticate him and i’m going what the [ __ ] the author of the four agreements is asking me to domesticate their grandchild their grandchildren and my dad says figure it out because here’s the thing if you don’t someone

(41:53) else will and you’re not gonna like it all right which is truth so since then i’m trying to figure out a way how to raise a child without domestication and my answer after all these years is that it’s impossible and the reason why it’s impossible because domestication is the corruption of how life teaches us life teaches us through action reaction or you can say from every decision or choice we make there’s a consequence and we learn from those consequences domestication corrupts that and says i

(42:26) love you if so let’s use this example let’s imagine you’re at your home and all three of us are in our homes let’s imagine that we have electricity which is not hard to to do because it’s right there we’re actually using it as we speak if you pay the electric bill the consequence is you’re going to get electricity neither good nor bad not right or wrong it’s just a consequence if you don’t pay the electricity the electric bill the consequence is you’re not gonna get electricity neither good or bad no right

(43:03) or wrong it’s just a consequence and depending on where you’re at for example here in in reno that’s that is a hard consequence because people go cold you know really fast it’s snowing outside so it’s not good or bad no right or wrong if today if this month you only have money to make a choice between paying for food or paying for electricity food wins and if you want to be able to afford both then you come up with a solution that allows you to afford both that’s action reaction that’s how life

(43:32) teaches us domestication corrupts it in this way if you pay the electric bill then you’re a stand-up person you’re a respectable person and i’m going to lend you money because of that you’re you’re in good standing in my eyes if you don’t pay the electric bill then you’re a bum you’re irresponsible and there’s no way i’m lending you money and you’re definitely not in good standing in my eyes because it’s obvious that you’re irresponsible the difference is subtle but it’s big

(44:05) because in one there’s action reaction but in this other one in domestication there’s a value that we give to it if you pay the bill then you are a stand-up person i see i see you in good light but if you don’t i’m gonna see you as a bum and i’m gonna see you in this way i love you if or i respect you if and in that situation if you don’t have money at the end of the month to pay for your food and your electricity that’s when we use the credit card to be able to pay for both and now we got debt and

(44:35) we can’t pay then we have to make choice be which one we’re going to pay and we become to we try to be something we are not for the sake of someone else’s prejudice or point of view and we go into debt because we pretend to be something we are not and that’s the difference domestication or conditional love forces us to become something we are not for the sake of someone’s approval versus respect which is unconditional love i love you and i respect you to experience the consequences of your own choices

(45:07) because to love someone unconditionally it doesn’t mean that there’s no consequence of course there’s consequence that’s what life is if if you do an action that also i lose trust in you the consequences well i forgive you but i’m going to break up with you that’s the consequence why because i when i am in relationship trust is important let’s just put it that way that’s that’s a boundary but i forgive you but on the other side you know that we i love you if you better not choose you

(45:36) better not choose what something i don’t want you to do and what and you better choose what i want you to do and that’s the real difference between loving someone conditionally and someone unconditionally to love someone conditionally is to project an image of what i want you to to be and you better live up to expectation if you want to be worthy of my love as the opposite in the contrast of unconditional love is i respect you for who you are and i respect you so much that i will step step back and let you experience

(46:08) the consequences of your choices but here’s my hand if you need help but it’s almost impossible to not use your own whatever you came with you know your own background to give some domestication not give but to unfortunately relay some of your domestication onto your loved ones and people that are in your life i’m sure it’s almost impossible not to do that yeah especially especially when that’s what we’re used to especially when we you are so used to the domestication of our own family

(46:39) to it becomes normalized you know for example the example of my mom getting mad at me for washing dishes and doing the laundry there was a time when that seemed normal and there was a time where me and my ex-girlfriends then there’s a reason why we’re ex-girlfriends is that is that that didn’t meet eye to eye you know and as time progressed i realized no it’s it’s it’s not about power or imposing and subjugation it’s about we’re a team and nothing brings out a culture clash like racing children

(47:09) because all of a sudden we’re exposed to how our parents raised us at that point either we let our parents do what they did to us to our children or be willing to redo it again or reinvent it or bring out the best of it because here’s the secret to being a parent that nobody tells other people who don’t have kids we don’t know what we’re doing we’re doing the best with what we’ve got because here’s the thing as soon as we get used to being the parent of a one-year-old they turned two making

(47:43) everything we know of parenting irrelevant then turn four then turn eight then turn 13. you know me and my i practice not taking things personal i thought i’d mastered it and then also my kids uh get into puberty and also i had to start all the way from beginning yeah and that’s what life is because the individual that’s in front of us in this case a child is changing right in front of us they’re changing physically they’re changing emotionally they’re maturing and every birthday makes

(48:11) everything irrelevant because all of a sudden they’re not into thomas the train or or the barbie dolls now they’re into their cell phones and their games and their music you know it’s it’s changes yeah well and it’s easy sorry it’s easy to see that with our children but translate that to our beloved yeah translate that to my wife in this case you know we apply the the einstein’s theory relativity it’s easy to see our children because they’re growing up at their own rate but me and my wife are at the same space

(48:42) and sometimes we don’t see the changes so the willingness to see who she is the willingness to take off the mask of wife and see susan the woman who’s doing the best with what she’s got then i’m able to see her as not just my peer and my equal i see her as my partner and the willingness to see her humanity allows me to know her but in order for me to do that i begin with myself and that’s what you were alluding to before myself in regards to it’s hard at first because we we haven’t done that willingness to see

(49:18) ourselves we’re so used to our domestication that we think it’s natural but when we take a step back and look at our own life and see what working what doesn’t work all of a sudden we are able to let go and see ourselves with compassion that humanity that is us and that’s when the work really begins i can’t give what i do not have sorry no no no that’s good thank you um and you speaking to that also you you know have pointed out that staying in an abusive relationship is willingness to be a victim

(49:55) and i realized while reading that that i i do play the victim in my relationships because like you said about taking things personally i take things personally when their behavior has nothing to do with me um and it’s just such a hard habit to break how how do i separate myself from that toxic pattern well you ask yourself do i do i want to continue it or not it reminds me of something robert downey jr said in an oprah winfrey show he said to oprah when i wanted to let go of drugs and alcohol it was the easiest thing and she

(50:32) said unto him how can you say that you were in and out of rehab so many times and he said to her all those other times i went for other people but when i want to do it for myself it was the easiest thing and that’s the thing to me that is such a big moment you know it’s just you know as a drug addict or alcoholic they go somewhere and the very first step is to accept the truth hello my name is so-and-so and i’m alcoholic or drug addict well in my case hello my name is don miguel ruiz jr and i do take things personal i do make

(51:05) assumptions sometimes i’m not impeccable with my words sometimes i’m not skeptical at all i buy a hook line and sinker and sometimes i don’t do my best just ask my wife she’s my witness it’s the moment where we’re willing to see ourselves as we are not to pretend to be something we are not or not we look at it we accept it like you said if i accept that i’m the victim that it’s the truth i’m the victim at that point it allows you the one wonderful opportunity to answer the

(51:32) question do i want to continue doing this or not because if you want to continue it by all means continue if that’s what makes you feel good or whatever it’s the way you’ve known but if it realized that you know what it’s taking away my power it’s making me feel unhappy and it really hasn’t changed it’s just a cycle i’m gonna change it the beautiful thing about that is that nobody else gets to answer that how do you want to change it but you 7.5 billion people out there everyone

(52:02) with an opinion and the only one that matters is yours so it starts with that moment of clarity which is the moment where you’re honest with yourself this is what i’ve been doing and also ask yourself is this the truth or not for example is it the truth that i’m less of a man if i wash the dishes and do the laundry the answer is no what made me think yeah what made me think that before my my mom my culture whatever do i let that continue to impact me no i’ve chosen not to i still respect your point of view and i respect that’s the

(52:44) way it is and realize that who i am as a man well there’s 7.5 billion ways of looking who i’m at what a man is so i’m going to be the man that i’m proud of being that’s where that finds me in that moment the ability to give scrutiny to our beliefs to ask ourselves is that still truth for me or not and in that compassion my mom always only saying what she learned when she was growing up in mexico in the 1950s and 60s and that’s what she’s learned to success or not it doesn’t matter but

(53:21) it doesn’t work for me we can do the same thing with ourselves you know how did you learn to be the victim how did you learn because sometimes when in posing and subjugation that in in our domestication there’s always a tyrant or a judge and a victim that subjugates someone the way to control someone else’s will is to make them forget that they have a choice and here’s the thing between couples every relationship exists for as long as we both say yes as soon as one changes that yes into a no or no to a yes

(53:55) it ceases to exist so it only exists for as long as we both say no so when i ask couples who ask for my advice about relationships i ask them do you guys want to stay together if they both say yes the rest is easy because that love is the motivator if one if they both say no that’s also easy because they’re both being honest but if one says yes and the other one says no that’s a little tough because you’re trying to convince someone to change that yes into another or not to a yes so the thing about it is

(54:26) in a relationship here’s a truth every relationship ends either by life by choice or by death but it ends if we accept the fact that it ends just like we accept that we are one day gonna die are we gonna waste our time worrying about that moment that’s gonna come or we’re going to enjoy this moment that life is saying yes to me it’s just like a relationship if every relationship is gonna end i’m gonna am i going to worry about the end of that relationship or i’m going to enjoy the moment we’re both

(55:01) saying yes right and here’s the thing whoever’s afraid of the no whoever’s afraid of loss is the one that’s going to domesticate the other person or is the one that’s going to be subjugated yeah the person who doesn’t want the person to realize that that relationship it only exists for as long as they said they say yes then you want to make them forget that they have a choice to say no so you impose their will onto them and that’s how makes you a tyrant that’s how someone becomes abuse of someone they

(55:30) want to subjugate their will so that they’ll never leave me the opposite is also truth on the other end if i’m afraid of the goodbye then i’ll do anything you want please do this and do i know and i subjugate my will and i’ll give away the power of my own yes and my own of my own free will that’s what that is then i’ve subjugated myself and i’m doing that because i’m afraid to be alone and whatever that means that i’m a loser if i’m alone that i’m unlovable and whatever domestication

(56:02) came with being someone who’s not with someone and that’s where we give scrutiny where does it come from is it truth or not because the moment we’re able to accept the fact that we every relationship ends it allows us to enjoy this moment and here’s the beautiful thing about the moment i lose the fear of saying goodbye it allows me to lose the fear of saying hello it allows me to lose the fear of living my life so if we’re used to being a victim or we’re used to being a tyrant it’s because somewhere in our

(56:40) domestication someone taught us like dean martin says you’re nobody till somebody loves you you’re nobody till somebody cares if you believe that line and you really internalize it then that little line is going to wreak havoc on your life oh scary for sure because it says well you’re nobody if you if no one loves you you’re nobody you’re not we’re attached to that idea of if we’re abandoned then we’re worthless or we’re if we’re abandoned then life is meaningless instead of being attached being a

(57:26) in love with ourselves essentially and not not feeling like we need so much external um things people everything that comes in our lives and that’s why in the book we started with the first secret of commitment the commitments to ourselves because we’re the constants in every relationship if i have nothing but conditional love for myself then i’ve got nothing but conditional love to give to everyone but if i begin to heal if i do the work then i’m able to share that with everyone and that’s the

(57:58) difference i share it you know so to unlearn you know it’s to see love from point of view of abundance and abundance is i am the source of my love just as much as i’m the force that gives life to my body that gives life to my mind i’m also the force that gives life to my love my love exists because i exist and it is beautiful and realizing that when i love someone it’s all because i want to share it you know if the three women in my life my daughter my mom and my wife i love all three of them and all three

(58:31) of them bring out a totally different element of me but if i have nothing but conditional love to give then i’m going to tell my daughter you will love yourself just the way you are and you’ll never wear makeup mama no you do the way i think you should do and susan lovey read the four agreements right and we’re domesticating we’re turning the four agreements into the whole conditions of our personal freedom it’s the way we corrupt all these things we can grab yoga we can corrupt spirituality we can corrupt the most

(59:02) beautiful things about life without us even knowing in the way we turn the four agreements into the four conditions so in condition love if you want to share unconditional love going back to the question going here’s the circle is knowing recognizing in ourselves what are the things that make me forsake myself what makes me pretend to be something i am not like i don’t know roosevelt said no one can make me feel inferior without my consent okay what have i given consent to and how do i give consent by believing it

(59:37) so i forgive myself forever saying yes to conditional love in the first place and that’s the way we heal so off of that you talk about shadow selves in your book um how can we identify what you call our shadow selves and and once we’ve identified them what do we do with the newfound information well that shadow self is a way we describe uh the model by which we domesticate ourselves and we we create an image by which we domesticate ourselves with for example for me it’s easy don miguel ruiz jr that guy doesn’t exist

(1:00:13) it he exists in well in my writings in the work whatever but the shadow self will do this if you want to be worthy of love you have to be perfect completely free of any flaw that means i don’t take things personal i don’t make assumptions i always do my best but if i forget the other one oh no how can i call myself tommy gary jr and there’s the domestication of not living up to that image of dominguez jr who is perfect who doesn’t take things personal doesn’t make assumptions it’s impeccable

(1:00:46) with his word and if he forgets the fourth one then there’s well there’s castigation there’s hell to pay uh judging myself with my own judgments you can call that a model by which we domesticate ourselves and ego is it’s easier to understand ego as a function rather than a concept the function of ego is to keep that illusion alive to maintain that image of that i project and try to live up to it continuously and protect it oh i didn’t mean to forget that fourth agreement i was just trying to show you

(1:01:22) and all that kind of thing yes i’m still don’t mingle with junior non-living that’s the example now i just used to use this example of the shadow sub that’s similar but there are much more difficult ones like for example of a mexican american as a father as a husband as an author as a best friend as a soccer player as a marathoner and half marathoner you know it’s like if if the only if i create a shadow self that the only way i can love myself is if i qualify for boston every time i run a marathon

(1:01:55) then i’m gonna castigate myself for not for coming short and believe me i just ran a marathon this past sunday and i ran it at five hours and 15 minutes really short of a boston qualifier but if i really give power to my shadow self i’m not i wouldn’t have enjoyed any of it i wouldn’t have enjoyed the training i wouldn’t have enjoyed that sunday morning run i wouldn’t enjoy anything because the only thing i can focus on is punishing myself for being a failure now mind you i was very happy with what i did i was

(1:02:30) very i enjoyed that morning run i enjoyed uh running at five hours in 15 minutes for me that’s a personal best i enjoyed it i went to the eat pizza with some friends and a guy there i told them my time oh you need to get faster you do this and he was beating himself up because he ran the marathon in three hours and 40 minutes and he was beating himself up because he missed the mark by good 15 or 20 minutes for me i was like wow that’s an awesome time man congratulations that’s great but he couldn’t see it because he didn’t

(1:03:06) couldn’t see the la the greatness of the achievement he did three hours and 40 minutes a marathon oh wow that’s incredible but he only can compare it to what he should be that one thing that at marathon after marathon that he’s done he’s only been able to achieve once and he and he can’t make it back and he’s beating himself up to it that’s a shadow self and it’s the it’s the thing we forsake ourselves with is the thing that doesn’t allow us to enjoy life so in relationships the biggest fights

(1:03:40) we have is who’s going to domesticate who who’s going whose image of love is going to win out the willingness to see ourselves to enjoy our own journey because for me running a marathon is not just that sunday morning it’s the whole 18 weeks prior to it that you get prepared and all that it’s the whole journey and that sunday is just that one day where we let loose because when we train we train to a certain point but we don’t want to hurt ourselves so we hold back but then on that sunday we let it all loose we let

(1:04:12) it all out let’s see what i’m able to do and enjoy it it’s it’s that’s being me yeah it’s like being me and if it even if i had not gotten a pr if i’ve run a five uh five hours and 30 minute run i tell you i still would have enjoyed it because i enjoyed it every time prior i did i ran up my very first marathon so my second marathon was in six hours and 20 minutes and i loved every minute i was so happy with myself when i crossed that line because i did it and i enjoyed it that was yeah and that’s it

(1:04:48) so maybe just i don’t know i’m taking a moment to absorb all that you’ve got so much knowledge for us to absorb all yeah um and i love that the way you articulate that the the idea of letting go of these domestications that we’ve built up along our lifetimes or you know doing the hard work of seeking them out in the first place and then doing the work of trying to let them go or adjust them to work for us um it the way that you articulate it makes it it’s a new perspective for me to see it as something that is

(1:05:29) can be beautiful like the the seeking out doing the hard work of finding where your domestications lie like where you’ve built these places in yourself that are just beliefs that come from you know your own personal background and then doing the work to decide if they work for you or not and releasing them that is almost the test of life and in a beautiful way it’s it’s when you get to decide those things you’re you’re living free will you’re experiencing life for all all it is because you’re making all

(1:06:01) the choices instead of this background stuff that’s been put into your head subconsciously that you may may or may not have actually wanted you know your true self may have not wanted that in the first place um you’re getting to actually look at that stuff and sort it out and decide if you’re going to keep it or not i think that’s a pretty cool uh way to begin to figure out where you can serve in life and where you can be your best the best human you can be while on this planet yeah it’s the evolution of it it’s the being

(1:06:30) aware of it and the final step is forgiveness but the middle part is getting to know your triggers which is basically getting to know yourself getting to know you that’s the beautiful thing about this work is the willingness to get to rediscover yourself what makes you happy what doesn’t make you happy what triggers you to domesticate yourself what triggers you to domesticate other people what triggers you to judge someone what triggers in in discovering your triggers is basically getting to know yourself all over again

(1:07:01) what do you like what you don’t like and from that point of view like i said before you can’t give what you do not have yeah is the once you get to know and allow yourself to get to know yourself you get to know the person in front of you but that all requires the willingness to give yourself permission to heal because you know personal transformation could be so easy if we were all robots devoid of any emotions all we would do is just logic but we’re not robots we’re human beings with a full spectrum of every emotion we

(1:07:36) experience and that sometimes makes it complicated what i love about my emotions is that to me they’re my my telltale signs they’re my alarm you know that kind of a car alarm if you set up the car alarm and someone touches the car the car will go off well my emotional reactions are like car alarms they’re triggered by a belief by a wound by a condition is my wounds allow me my my emotional reactions allow me to discover wounds that are buried so deep in my subconscious but now that they’re exposed

(1:08:11) i’m actually i’m actually able to process it yeah and the beautiful thing about that is the person who benefits besides yourself is your partner your beloved because all of a sudden those old wounds are no longer infecting in your current relationship yeah i think it’s interesting though with triggers how in your relationships you know a lot of us date the same people over and over and in relationships the triggers can be the same but say in my old relationships um because you talk about different um

(1:08:46) reactions of conflict and i know like in my old relationships um when there would be any form of yelling or um uh any type of abuse um verbal abuse whatever breaking things and my old relationships my number one reaction due to my severe past drama would be the freezing response i would just go numb i would disassociate and i was robotic like i didn’t feel anything it’s like i was floating above my body watching the scene happen that’s been every relationship that i’ve been in up until the relationship i’m in now whenever

(1:09:19) there’s conflict i sob it’s the same exact trigger the same exact behavior that triggered my um my uh reaction but it’s the first time that it’s been different it’s really interesting that’s very cool because it shows that you you you you have trust in your beloved to do that because if that that to me i’m not sure if it’s the same to you but to have that reaction where you don’t freeze but you you sob a little bit it means that you trust this person enough to open up to show that wound

(1:09:56) and expose it you know and and this is you that’s what intimacy is to show intimacy yeah is to be able to open up and show who i really am in front of someone yeah you know that’s why my wife is not my best friend she’s my wife and what i mean by that is that the level of intimacy goes much much deeper than any best friend it’s it’s and it’s the person who i open up with and sometimes when we open up wounds will get exposed uh beliefs will get exposed things will get exposed and the thing that separates us from

(1:10:31) just simply dating to a committed relationship or to the relationship we have is that the willingness to work it out the willingness to go together because if you’re simply dating that right there is the end of it you know this person the motivator wasn’t that strong like my dear friend kirk says is the juice worth to squeeze which means simply means is the consequence worse the worth the effort when we find that one person that we feel just as much as ourselves meaning by that i’m worth the effort of i’m worth the

(1:11:07) effort of reaching the consequence of healing when i’m able to have that for myself i don’t find people in my life that yes they are worth it you know my son has autism my daughter is 11 years or so i have autism but she still has to go through it through things in life she’s she’s going to be a woman who has to go through this world and my son is the man who has to go through the world with autism i’m not the man and i’m not the woman they are to respect them is to let them experience life but i am here to help

(1:11:37) them and they are worth the effort to help them and what i mean by that also is i’m not the one living their life they are just like my wife the other day yesterday we i uh she’s she hasn’t been feeling too good lately you know with her body a little bit you know as i look a physical ailment and she began to raise her voice and i said honey there’s no need to raise your voice is there anything wrong because we’ve discovered that anger is just the expression of a pain either a physical or emotional pain

(1:12:13) so when she raised her voice a little bit and i heard a little of anger i i stopped and asked her honey are you okay is there anything wrong and a moment i found out that she wasn’t feeling so good about something in her body is not doing so well you know a little pain or for her bigger pain because it’s affecting her obviously but i’m just a little because i don’t want to make it bigger than it is but you know it’s not it’s not something traumatic it’s something that it’s affecting her kind of like me with

(1:12:44) you know it’s when i’m when i’m angry when i’m hungry i get a little angry don’t we all yeah so but the willingness to even ask is important because how can i help if i don’t know yeah and the willingness to hear from her point of view and like i just now caught myself it’s not it’s neither little nor big no nothing it’s she’s experiencing this how can i help and the effort is worth it yeah yeah and since you bring up anger and um fear really i guess being a in correlation i know your book talks about

(1:13:23) two reactions in conflict anger or withdrawal and how it’s all about yeah and freezing can be a part of that too how it’s all about self-awareness and asking what am i afraid of in this moment you know and trying to recognize that moment when it comes up so you can be cognizant of even asking the question yeah so maybe let’s talk about anger um as a secondary emotion and how it is always hiding fear in some way yeah i’m super interesting i’m super interested in this because it’s really um

(1:13:56) important for my season in my life right now yeah well you know with my son for example who has autism it’s expressed through his uh speech he is uh he’s behind on his speech cognitive he’s fine everywhere else but he can’t express himself which means the vows of anger he has especially with the search of hormones we come to realize that anger simply means he’s not feeling good something’s not feeling good either his belly his his his teeth his ears so before we we weren’t able to understand we had to figure it out we

(1:14:36) had to decipher until lately recently like this morning he said to us in a calm voice i can’t eat anymore because my ear hurts oh good i mean you know after doing tests we know that he has allergies and the sinuses is going out through his you know going through the ear canal so it’s creating pressure now we know what to do it took us a long time but before we had to guess and get some gas but if something that we’ve discovered with someone who can’t speak to us as clearly as well most people can

(1:15:04) we had to try to figure it out to guess the nice thing about it is that most of us is it’s the same concept we are angry because of uh how we feel uh some ailment or a belief or just something that we want to protect anger is a way we protect ourselves it’s one of the reactions we have to fear fear either makes us fight freeze or flee now fear natural fear is something quite natural and what i mean by what i mean by that obviously redundant there but fear protects us fear is there to protect us when we have a danger in front of us like a

(1:15:51) rattlesnake or something with a gun it’ll allow us to secrete a certain hormones like adrenaline and other things that allows us to survive a moment that if we have that anger will allow us to feel the pain less and we’re able to confront or make us run as fast as we can or we freeze and so with anger it’s just the way we protect it’s the way we protect who we are what we are and it’s the thing sometimes we use to protect our domestication like that part of me of i believe my mom like well i’m not a man if i if i if i do the

(1:16:30) laundry or the dishes i have my wife has to do that and protect that because i believe only exists for as long as you believe it as soon as you cease to believe it it ceases to exist the truth exists with or without you with that being said fear if you look at it as a symptom or a or as the car alarm it’ll express through the anger so when there’s anger this person is not feeling so good someone something in them is hurting it could be emotional it could be physical it could be spiritual whatever it is the individual

(1:17:09) we have to figure it out luckily with alejandro with my son we’ve learned how to communicate to the point where he doesn’t have to throw fits of rage he can actually tell us and when he tells us we’re able to help that’s what anger does yeah fear in the way of freezing is the moment we no longer trust ourselves to say yes and no to something we we we we we fear the consequence so much that we choose not to make a choice hoping that will survive like a deer in headlights yeah that’s true i am sorry go ahead sorry go for it go

(1:17:49) for it so there’s uh so when i was a kid i was i was um left a couple times in a very scary situation in an abandoning situation um one time i was left just in a field i was like only three or four and i was just left in a field there and i remember it i remember the feelings very vividly and it’s interesting in my um past relationships that i said i had the freezing response it was the exact same feelings when conflict hit you said you don’t you don’t trust yourself to say yes or no um it was that but it was also that i was

(1:18:26) feeling abandoned in the moment like they’re about to abandon me and i went back to that little girl in the field and it’s like i just wrote i disassociated you know it was like a fear of abandonment so it’s it’s interesting to um pinpoint it with fear um and also something i really pulled away from all of it as well is like looking at our partner’s behaviors with understanding like you’re all saying like everything you’re saying is is um the foundation is compassion you know and when they’re not being their best selves

(1:19:00) just asking what might they be afraid of but it’s so hard when someone’s it’s easy to say that but when someone’s screaming in the moment or when they’re calling you awful names you’re just like get the [ __ ] away from me deal with your [ __ ] like i don’t care what you’re afraid of you know like in the moment it’s so hard and then also when someone’s screaming at you it’s like if you were to try to say honey what are you afraid of it’s not well received you know so it’s such a

(1:19:30) hard thing to put into practice um no i i understand yeah it took us a while to teach our son like oh you you need some time to fix yourself okay take a break and teach teaching him to say i need a break before he explodes it’s it’s a big thing it’s it’s it’s learning within ourselves when to say anyone not to say it and evaluate our environment because sometimes it’s we’re not safe when we say something and but to evaluate but here’s the thing that situation will exist for as long as

(1:20:05) you let it exist yeah and you know with our son as well as with myself you know because when i was younger i also flew off a handle i you know i i had learned that consequences have consequences you know those actions have consequences that i don’t want to experience you know so with fear it’s giving yourself time to heal and it starts with being honest with yourself the way you just did it’s a moment what we know as a moment of clarity in a moment of clarity the first step you take is to accept it and give

(1:20:44) yourself time nobody heals on our own time but ourselves like we we give ourselves time to heal that may take a week that might take a few years but it’s the part we begin to nourish ourselves to allow ourselves to be safe but if we stay in that safe zone then all we’re doing is fleeing eventually we’re going to have to respect ourselves to say yes and no to things in life how long are we willing to stay in this relationship and if we do want to stay in this relationship what needs to change and trust our voice again do you have

(1:21:24) specific tools to enact that practice well you can say first is to respect fear the first the first thing to do for me i like that is to respect fear again because we can abuse fear the same way we abuse alcohol and drugs you know an example of that is if you what like i said before we a real fear if i have a rattlesnake or or a gun in front of us we will react and that’s natural that’s perfectly natural when we’re in danger that emotional fear reaction is natural if we go for example see a horror movie

(1:22:06) um jason movie or well back in the day when we were young you know it’s it’s it’s a poultry guys sort of blair wish project come on i’m dating myself here that’s when i was a boy scared me back in the day there’s no present danger there’s no snake there’s no real jason in front of me or freddy krueger whatever it’s just a projection but the body still feels that fear i still feel it you know that’s why we go see a horror movie we’re in a safe environment that allows us to experience that

(1:22:37) adrenaline even though we’re not a real threat right here’s the thing our mind is more powerful than any movie projector because we can project onto the world onto the future although what is what if this happened what if this happened and we can always go to the most negative most scariest story and it’ll feed our anxiety that’s what anxiety is we fill in the what-ifs with the worst possible scenario and we think that’s going to happen and we we shy away from it we let fear impact us or although what ifs about the past

(1:23:15) to come to fear to come to peace with fear to respect fear is to respect it once again and recognize that i’m abusing fear the way i’m abusing alcohol and drugs allowing life to teach me you can say cognitive behavioral therapy is a good example of this of how to re-engage the world for example when i was young i almost killed my whole family when i was driving in san diego and a hydroplaned uh going off the high off ramp from going from 805 highway to the highway 8 a hydro plane and luckily for me i got i

(1:23:50) was able to control a car and and stop the car but it was going on to on common traffic for years the sensation any sensation of that hydroplaning in any car that i was in and i could feel that fear all over so i had to slowly gradually expose myself little by little and realize i’m safe i’m safe to the point where now i live in reno and right now as i look at the window there’s snow so i’ve learned to drive in ice with that trauma with that fear that i still feel sometimes when i still when i feel a little bit of that

(1:24:26) movement i feel i can still feel it but i can i’m able to control it and the way i control it is by first honoring this is how i feel this is how i experience this is my truth at that point once i’m i respect this is how i feel the energy that is pretending to be something i am not can be redirected in a different way how do i want to use this how do i want to process it sure is this too much let my wife drive for me or do i just start very slowly and get to know my car and get comfortable with my car and little by little little by little you

(1:25:12) get exposed to it and realize sometimes the fear that we’ve been experiencing has been our own projection onto someone sometimes for example there’s people in my life that when i was younger they brought fear into me and even before they say something i’m already prepared for it’s like a flinch i’m flinching i’m already have my guard up and my guard is up i’m expecting the worst of it but they haven’t said that negative thing in over a decade they haven’t said it in a long time and it’s still there

(1:25:45) so it’s little by things of like all right what is that what is it that my fear or my my mind is projecting to pro make me think i’m safe and the willingness to see am i really in danger here am i really and without like my watching my son go through his his outburst at first it brought up a lot of my own traumas when i was a kid you know with with people who are a little verbally abusive but little by little i was able to like okay no this is not gonna happen this is gonna be okay i am going to sit there and i’m learning

(1:26:23) to say no and at one point i even turned to my son and says i am not afraid of you i love you to the point where now i can tell the difference when he has an outburst what is a stim and what is an actual anger and there’s two different things with autism there’s stims that he can’t control he has to let it out somehow but he’s still happy yeah the other one is he’s in anger he’s a rage and he has to go up to we tell him go upstairs and don’t come down until you are controlled we say control but we also say well you

(1:27:00) feel better yeah i tell my son until you can take a deep breath yeah exactly so those are the things and it requires the trust in me because it is scary of course just scary my mind can go into the what ifs with my son and as he gets older and all kind of things you know what what have we brought them into yeah but it’s the little explosions the little things about being honest with myself what triggers me to abuse fear and being aware of the difference between the fear my mind projects and the fear that and a natural danger

(1:27:36) that’s in front of me yeah but it all stems by honoring this is how i feel because here’s what happens when you honor how you feel yeah you’re able to respect yourself and without respect you don’t have to say no with anger you can say no with a smile yeah no thank you and it could be the easiest most powerful no yeah like i don’t have no it’s a form of love yeah exactly it’s awesome i realized that the anger that i said with no before was a crutch meaning that i only felt powerful to say no with anger

(1:28:20) because that’s the only way someone will hear me in reality it’s just a crutch yeah my anger is a crutch it’s trying to protect me from something that doesn’t need to be protected from yeah who are you what are you and that’s how we become to peace with fear to no longer use it as a crutch to protect myself but is an instrument that i will use when i’m actually in danger yeah allowing myself to willingness to see what’s in front of me it’s the thing that allows me to tell the difference

(1:28:53) when my son is happy kind of like the the the pro jam song he can’t help when he’s happy he looks insane he’s like yeah my son does that too yeah it’s exactly what he does when he’s so he can’t like contain his joy yeah and that’s the thing now like because i’m able to recognize him i’m not punishing him for being himself right yeah i’m no longer punishing him because i accept who he is and this is the way he is expressing and he’s not bringing any danger to anyone this is what he needs

(1:29:28) to do to find that equilibrium in him all right whereas before i would have punished him don’t do that don’t do that why because you’re scaring me um i think causing fear as in like the idea of using fear as an instrument is something so many of us need to hear i know i need to hear it but maybe even especially males because you’re not supposed to be afraid you know growing up in this culture as a man you’re not supposed to have fears the same way that women are maybe more okay with it but i’m sure no matter what sex

(1:30:03) you are you need to hear that using fear as an instrument is a possibility because you’re right we just we just run from it you know we just have this response that’s so i guess it’s like our lizard brain survival mechanism response that just makes us go duck and hide or stand up and fight instead of use it as an instrument to move forward i think we do that sorry i think we do that with anger too though a little bit like um because my go-to emotion isn’t anger it’s sadness and i think that my

(1:30:37) childhood had so much anger in it that that’s the thing that i i um suppress and um which is still rooted in fear you know so um and just to be completely transparent um me and my partner currently are in a unhealthy conflict and so i think it’s really um funny that it’s you know happened right before interviewing you about happy healthy relationships because you know made it feel even more like a test but um you and you know we both feel like we walk on eggshells all the time and my entire childhood i um i never knew

(1:31:22) what mood the parent was going to come home in i didn’t know if there was going to be violence or i didn’t know if everyone was going to be in a good mood you know it was going to be one or the other no no middle and so um i grew up in this fear and now with my partner i feel like i walk on eggshells and if there’s a little bit of a moodiness um uh sign i it’s like my brain tells me shit’s about to hit the fan and um which only makes it worse you know um and that’s a pattern that’s extremely hard

(1:31:57) to break because it’s like a mind it’s like how my mind is wired almost but you what you were just talking about as well as um in your book you talk about like how when we have these terribly destructive behaviors that give us these fears in our childhood um we go to like two behaviors either the opposite or the parallel and i had never heard of the opposite i had only heard of the parallel like you run you warmly embrace that destructive behavior because it feels like home you know um i hadn’t heard of the opposite

(1:32:30) where you know you avoid conflict so much because your your family you know had so much conflict so that’s kind of what you were talking about too though um so i wanted you to continue to elaborate i just um was going to kind of say how that related to me because i was wondering if you had advice on that as well well you know with uh i can i can give you the both sides of the coin um me and my wife had we learned to argue with one another we have what we call the art of arguing which comes from first from here my

(1:33:08) grandpa always taught me that if you’re about to put your foot in your mouth button your lip if you already put your foot in your mouth button your lip even harder so in fights when we used to you know when we used to fight uh with more frequency all we wanted to do is win and when we wanted to win we go straight to the arguments that we know we would win to the point where we completely stopped talking about we’re arguing originally we go back to our memories and go on our things which means we also know the

(1:33:34) wounds that we know will cause pain so in my life i’ve gotten to the point where i’m able to recognize that moment when i’m about to say something from something very very very stupid and that usually means i’m about to cause pain when i first started doing this and catching myself meaning by that i i knew i didn’t have the discipline nor the willpower to stop myself so what i did is i all of a sudden i would shut up disengage and walk out hmm i can do that my wife my wife used to follow me

(1:34:09) and when she followed me the fuse would go off and boom there’s the fight and i would say something very mean and nasty and all that kind of thing and that would hurt her after a while sometimes i would tell him honey i am walking away because i’m about to say something very stupid that’s going to hurt you and i can’t stop myself and because i don’t want to hurt you i’m walking away and women we want to deal with it now and that’s exactly what she said she said well when you walk away

(1:34:36) honey you’re basically i feel like if you’re not giving credit to what i’m saying that you’re just disavowing anything i’m saying not listening to me and i said to her honey that’s not what i’m doing what i’m doing is that i just caught myself about to say something so stupid so damaging so hurtful that i don’t want to say it so i’m walking out so he said okay i hear what you’re saying but this is how i feel and i said no that’s not what i’m trying to say i don’t want to discredit

(1:35:03) what you’re saying so he said fine let’s come up with this when you walk out i’m not going to follow you but when you feel better when you feel like you’ve this you’ve defused that emotion come back and reengaged and often when we did reengage something incredible happened we were able to listen to one another again because when we have the emotional reaction the first thing that happens is i’m not listening to you it’s part of our defenses to not listen because i don’t want to lose or i don’t want to

(1:35:35) get hurt i stop listening so the willingness to find to get through that you know we diffused we came back together and we figured it out so we got to the point where when we talk about economics it has nothing to do with our relationship if we talk about the kids and and how to raise them it has nothing to do with our relationship we’re able to separate apples from apples oranges to oranges and bananas to bananas we’re able to separate the arguments and it took a while because but the effort was worth it you

(1:36:05) know once again is the juice worth the squeeze that’s something very important with our son in the flip side of that when i when my son in the past year because he’s we’ve done a lot of work you know we go through the amen clinic and they’ve been helping us out quite a bit and helping figure out what’s making my my son not feel good and that’s the thing there’s no heal there’s no healing for autism but there is healing from the things that trigger things in him so we’ve it required a whole year of getting to

(1:36:37) know him and finding out what are the triggers he ate this he had that his belly it took us a while to be able to be compassionate enough to see him as opposed to what we want to see so there are moments for example that you know when he comes back from school what kind of notes what kind of date did he have and what you were describing how your parents are what kind of day sometimes with autism that’s you know that happens what kind of day we’re about to have what is he coming back with then we we feel relieved when he’s

(1:37:08) in good moods and sometimes when he is and not so good we it’s all hands on deck we know to give him space but we know to give him the space enough for him to figure it out himself and and be able to rescue him and protect you know uh the people we need to protect but he’s gotten a lot better that took effort that took work and it’s going to be different for all of us but it is the willingness to one trust yourself to take care of yourself know your boundaries that’s what something we talk about

(1:37:44) what i love from samantha jones what are my deal breakers samantha jones from sex in the city one of my deal breakers and my deal breakers is not from ego it’s from what’s going to keep me safe what am i available for yeah yeah what am i available and what is going to keep me safe that’s being honest with myself all right now once i know those lines once i know those things no one’s going to cross them i’m not giving you permission to cross i’m like going back to eleanor roosevelt no one can make me feel inferior without

(1:38:13) my consent all right what am i giving consent to yeah i like that and putting it on paper yeah and to ourselves and being honest with ourselves from that point there’s a certain confidence that comes with us i am not responsible for for you to take things personal is to assume responsibility for someone else’s actions and choices i’m only responsible to the tips of my fingers i’m only responsible for my own perception and my own choices but here’s my hand if you need help and that’s important

(1:38:46) the willingness to listen allows us the opportunity to create trust between us if we’re not willing to listen trust can never flourish and love flourishes where trust exists yes i love the first tool you mentioned of figuring out how to make an emotionally sober setting you know a place where both parties are not coming from some enraged part of their brain and they’re coming at this with listening open you know hearts and um wanting to actually make some sort of common ground or meet some meet somewhere in the middle

(1:39:27) and that’s that’s it goes back to what i ask couples when they ask for my advice do you guys want to stay together if they both say yes the rest is easy because love is the motivator that allows us to get through those tough hurdles yeah it’s sometimes it’s it’s it’s it’s not easy it’s of course it’s there’s difficult things especially when two people are trying to figure it out but both people require the willingness to go through that because if if one of them is not

(1:39:54) willing then there’s nothing you can do yeah but if the other person is willing then yes sorry so i was going to just ask that when you ask that question to couples is there a lot of circumstances where they answer dishonestly oh i thought you’re going to say or they answer i don’t know i don’t know if i want to stay together yeah it’s honestly it’ll be tough for me to actually answer that because if they were dishonest with me that they’re dishonest with themselves and it’s really hard to distinguish what’s

(1:40:25) truth and what’s not you know at that point it’s my projection and my projection could be correct or incorrect um has there been people who’ve been dishonest with themselves yes there it has been there that’s more that’s easier uh expressed and and when i’m actually something you said before jade about suppressing suppressing is a hallmark of domestication and condition love to reject my to forsake myself for someone else’s point of view that’s when we suppress our emotions that’s basically the essence of

(1:41:00) conditional love i’m not supposed to feel this i’m not supposed to feel that honoring your emotions is the willingness is to see the both the good and the bad of us of us it’s the moment we accept the dark side for example like i said before my name is don miguel ruiz jr and i do take things personal i do make assumptions i sometimes i’m not impeccable with my word and sometimes i don’t do my best just ask my wife i say this because it’s the truth it’s it’s who i am i am both the light and i’m both the

(1:41:31) dark i am all sides of the yin yang the yin yang is me right so in honoring my emotions my emotions will show me where my my triggers are where my wounds are where my things that make me happy if i’m not willing to do this with myself how can i expect my my beloved to do that it’s like it reminds me something my brother says i love i love this story he tells one one day a young mother took his son her son to see the great teacher it happened to be mahatma gandhi and the mother told gandhi’s can you tell my son to stop eating

(1:42:17) chocolate he has diabetes and gandhi said to her come back in a month okay so she waited a month and she came back and when he came back and she says the same thing oh okay son don’t eat chocolate it’s not good for you now go along and play and the mother says to him why did it take you a month to do that and he replied because i had to first do it first i had i’m the one who i had to stop eating chocolate for that time in order for me to give him to say yeah it’s not good for you we can’t give what we do not have yeah

(1:42:53) so if we expect our beloved to heal how do we expect them to heal if we’re not doing it ourselves because you know here’s the thing about relationships we all heal at our own time and we all heal with our own permission let’s say for example there’s a breakup or something happens or there’s a timeout in the relationship one does the work and one doesn’t say your beloved does the work they do everything you always wanted him or her to do they come back and when they come back they’re happy

(1:43:33) they’re in a good place they’re putting into practice everything they’ve learned and then all the resentment comes in and now you’re ready to punish them because now they’re vulnerable and you want them to pay at that moment and i say this because it’s happened in my own life and in people in friend’s life and things like that i’ve seen this happen the moment where all of a sudden the other person stops being the tyrant if all i’ve ever known is the relationship victim then we all it’s my turn to get the

(1:44:07) tyrant at that point we didn’t heal anything yeah because that person there in their healing they’re gonna make a choice well i don’t have to stay here i’m going to change that yes into a no and that person will always be that whatever yeah in your eyes so here’s the thing when we do the work we do the work for when life gives us the opportunity to mend that bridge and what’s the opportunity where the other person has done also the work when heather ash amara came up to me and asked me to work with her in this

(1:44:53) project and i said yes i just finished a long journey with my ex-girlfriend with healing my first love she and i loved each other very very much our high school sweethearts and we heard each other so bad and that pain impacted a lot of relationships after that and mind you when we woke up we tried to heal it up we tried to be friends and which means that we hooked up again and whenever we hooked up again we hurt each other again and again and again to the point we stopped hooking up but we still try to be friends and we still hurt each other

(1:45:31) again and again to our 20s into our 30s but in that time i started doing the work you know because eventually i had that one relationship where i could not project onto her anything it’s my thing is the moment where i took responsibility for my own actions and i’m the guy who did it and i owned it and i began to do the work you know one of the biggest lies i ever told myself is i don’t have to do this work i’m dominguez jr i’m it’s part of the family it’s natural biggest lie i’ve ever told

(1:46:01) myself man i do the work so i did the work and luckily around that time i met my wife and i’ve been able to apply everything i’ve learned with her and my kids have really pushed me so she and i once again were able to reconnect in my late 30s and talked again my wife is friends with some of my ex-girlfriends because we’ve got a good healing there she and i talked again and for the very first time i sighed from her point of view and i said i’m sorry you see there’s guilt is punishing yourself for something you

(1:46:38) wanted to do and if life gives you the opportunity you would do it again which means you didn’t learn anything remorse on the other hand you see us guilt is punishing yourself for doing something you wanted to do remorse is when you see it from someone else’s point of view you see the pain you’ve caused and you regret it and you wish you’d never done it and also and the reason why is because you see them not as a projection but as a human being and of course from that point of view i saw my actions

(1:47:14) and i owned up to them and i apologize and i like the boyfriend who wants to get back together for just an ulterior reason yeah i said it because i saw it from her point of view and i apologize and yes i don’t blame you for doing what you did what i did was wrong and i on it i i see it from your point of view and something incredible happened when i did that she owned up to her side something that i wanted to hear since i was 18 years old no healing but she forgave me and i forgave her and then something incredible happened

(1:47:47) she said we would have broken up anyways because we’re both old enough to know that that would have happened but matt i loved you so much and i told her how much i loved her she was my first love who benefits from that healing my wife everybody everybody but my wife in particular since that that old pain no longer is infecting our relationship because it’s no longer affecting me that is the work that is the job the thing is and and that requires me because if i want my beloved to do the journey well then it requires me to have gone

(1:48:29) through it and at that point it’s not me wishing them they changed i changed and from that change i’m able to share what i’ve learned with them if it’s relevant with them and if they even ask me yeah and that’s it i do um plant medicine ceremonies and um there was uh two ceremonies ago mother ayahuasca showed me this long uh like a ribbon and she was like this is your trauma it’s like real long she’s like this is your trauma and she said you’ve healed about this much and she showed my partners too which was

(1:49:13) even longer and and he was right there too a very small amount has been healed and um i was like all right it’s a long road we better start speeding along you know like i wanted to get it all healed and um i i tend to be obsessed with that with like growth and healing and um holding others to that as well so um this has been really helpful so i’m gonna ask you something be kind to yourself yeah feel at your own time it’s not a race it’s not a race i think it’s mostly because i want my kids i don’t want any of this to be passed on

(1:49:54) to my kids i feel like my son already has a little bit of anxiety and i don’t want them to hear yelling you know in the home and stuff like that so because this is like that’s the part i think i get obsessed with is like this is their childhood like it needs to be as best as it can be and um it makes me want to make everything as perfect as possible which is impossible really well it’s impossible because we don’t control it but here’s here’s the thing now you’ve if you use the example of that well yes

(1:50:25) you’ve just in the story you shared with me they’ve learned anxiety but then you can also teach them how to heal from anxiety by showing them how you heal yourself and also how to all right if you’re an abusive relationship how to make that relationship unabusive um like how can you invite reinvent it because the first question you have to ask yourself is do i want to stay in this relationship do i still love this person and if the answer is yes and that person’s yes all right that’s enough to

(1:50:54) write how do i we start and in my case the way i healed it with my ex-girlfriend and even my wife it started with owning owning my actions i it’s no longer society’s fault i don’t blame mexico for teaching me how to be a machista i’m the one who said yes to it and i forgive myself forever saying yes to it forgiveness is though i someone said it to me beautifully and i am going to repeat what this person said is the moment i no longer wish the past was any different i accept it as it was and i let go and at the moment i let go

(1:51:31) is the moment or i stopped drinking the poison i meant for someone else it’s the moment where the past that only exists in our memory because the past no longer is the truth it stops impacting me and i ask myself all right like my grandma says do you control knowledge or does knowledge control you is my past controlling me or am i controlling my present from that point of view it’s like the willingness to heal because if you don’t heal this even if you let this relationship go if you haven’t healed it you’re gonna recreate

(1:52:05) the cycle with the next one and the next one and the next one and the next one and then with them your children you wanna end the cycle starts with you give yourself time to heal yes we’re going back to that image of the race eraser i should be able to i’m supposed to do this whole long string in one shot mm-hmm enjoy the fact that you are able to heal that much that’s an accomplishment because now what you did in that small space you’re able to replicate it here here here and here and a couple of times it’ll require

(1:52:45) you to reinvent it but be in awe of yourself look at what i’ve done look at what you’ve done and that’s awesome keep it going until you says all right what else can i do it feels good but give yourself that time to heal give yourself that permission you know people don’t heal in our own time yeah you can’t rush your healing is one of my favorite songs actually by trevor hall yeah and it’s the truth beautiful it’s the truth and what better way to express unconditional love than giving yourself

(1:53:24) time to heal you know it’s not a race it’s it’s well if it is a race enjoy enjoy the path because along the line you’re gonna get see the people cheering you on you’ll see the people who give you that bottle of water that that little bit of something of food that one person who says you can do it you’re almost there man you enjoy those moments because yes you’re alone in this journey but at the same time you’re not alone you have all these people who are cheering you on and are there be because you are worth their

(1:54:00) effort just as much as you are worth your own effort that’s beautiful um well we do have a question from our magic mob um yeah um do you have it yeah sure uh sarah underscore yogi on instagram asks how can infidelity be overcome well in the same way that uh you heal like you know i’ve been on both sides of that coin myself you know embarrassing all that kind of thing one stops being uh unfaithful to someone when the consequence is not worth the effort you know you can say also like i’m not willing to experience that

(1:54:45) consequence so i won’t do it it stops even tempting but sometimes you know if the consequence is not you know that you’re not afraid of it then then relationship doesn’t you know it’s a totally different thing you have to be honest with yourself but if if the thing has happened if if the experience is then once again the question is very simple first do you want to stay in this relationship or not if the answer is no that’s it if the answer is yes okay now it’s time to do the work but you still have to do the work

(1:55:17) whether you want to stay in the relationship or not you got to still give yourself permission to heal if you want to stay in this relationship and if it’s happened then i’m going to use a business term it’s time to renegotiate this relationship i forgive you but there’s consequences that were gonna happen because the consequence is my trust in you if i don’t have trust and relationships don’t exist at least from that point of view all right let’s rebuild that trust it’s time to renegotiate this relationship

(1:55:55) do you want it to be monogamous or do you want to be open mm-hmm and also and those in it starts from there like you start going through the thread and it’s just seeing where that thread goes sometimes it is okay i i want it to be an open relationship am i cool with that maybe i am maybe i’m not and if i’m not all right well we both want two different things let’s go our own different different ways but it’s the willingness once again to open up dialogue of course you got to give yourself time

(1:56:22) to heal because that wound is you know it can impact you for the rest of your life you know or it could be something that all right what do i want out of life what do i want out of this relationship you know if if you don’t want to stay in the relationship then it’s easy you know i forgive you but i’m gonna have to break up with you why i thought you forgave me i’m not going to punish you for this thing but i no longer trust you there’s the end of relationship but if i still want to be in relationship with you

(1:56:52) it’s time to renegotiate this thing and be willing to reinvent it and you can go through this we’ve we’ve been able to heal it and that’s the good part but that’s requires both people’s active engagement like this expression goes like i said before all hands on deck you know it’s it’s uh how do you want to and sometimes you know even the most faithful person can break you know can break up with someone and the person who wasn’t so faithful all of a sudden like you know what this

(1:57:24) is not worth it i i discovered that it’s not i don’t want to go it’s it’s for the rest it’s kind of like someone who stops drinking alcohol all of a sudden the worth the drink the alcohol is not worth it i’m i want to live so i stop yeah i like that it’s all toxin toxic right um we we also have a pick your poison from uh jeff on instagram and i’m not sure this one’s too easy or not it feels like it to me but we’re gonna ask anyway would you rather have a lifelong relationship with someone who

(1:58:01) you’re not sure is your life partner or a five-year relationship with the love of your life it’s still a good relationship but not your yeah five year old yeah yeah because the other one means that oh i’m who i’m not lovable this is my only chance i’ll i’ll settle settle and when you settle you take someone for granted yeah that’s true so five years one week you know one day yeah you know that’s that’s that’s what it is you know i think that’s the answer all across the board here

(1:58:37) i’ll take the five years yeah i think the thing at the end the important part is at the end the the thing that will make it magical is the gratitude to have experienced it because if you and knowing it exists yeah because you become obsessed i want to go back again i go back again then you start living in the past and that you stopped living gratitude for i’ve experienced it allows you to continue to experience life and find out that you might find someone else that you think hey they’re the they’re my love of my life too and also

(1:59:10) you find two sometimes even three relationships that that have that and also you realize that the love of your life is you it’s looking yourself in the mirror yes you’re the constant in every relationship every relationship ends which means the only person you will ever say goodbye to once in your life is you yeah you’re the most important relationship you have yeah you will be with you throughout your whole life if you’re by yourself and you better start to like yourself i always i always tell people tell tell

(1:59:42) sign that you there’s work to be done is that when you’re by yourself and you can’t stand being by yourself that’s when you just need to be done because you can enjoy your own company yeah if you’re by yourself and you’re feeling complete peace yeah the beautiful thing about that is that when you’re in that state you have no fear of saying no to someone or saying goodbye to someone because you’re not willing to waste your time with someone who doesn’t want to be with you right

(2:00:08) yeah and when you’re by yourself and you’re like smiling or laughing you you know it’s real you know yeah and that’s the thing for me the moment i learned i can say no to a beloved man that that changed my life forever i i i also i i did not waste time on potential i i wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with me for who i am and luckily that’s when i met my wife and here we are i love that that’s why timing is everything really it sure is when you’re ready and yourself and that’s why we do it you know when life

(2:00:46) like when life gives us the opportunity i’ve done the work to be ready for that yeah you have to be giving it to yourself first and then it comes along because if she came along and i didn’t do the work she would have just become another ex when they say luck is the intersection between preparedness and opportunity exactly ready people if you’re not ready then get ready and that’s why and that’s why we start with uh with the commit the art of commitment yeah also the thing about it is like the very

(2:01:16) first thing when we did i started promoting this book we had a a picture of two people doing a a very complicated yoga pose now the people were an attractive couple and someone asked me why did i choose this picture and the reason we chose it is because two people in their practice became masters that when they came together to do a very complicated post which is someone in a tabletop position kissing someone else who’s on tabletop on top of them and it’s very complicated yet they made it look easy and that’s because both

(2:01:46) brought to the table they’re gifts their strengths and they made it look easy and that’s what relationships are we bring to the table what we are who we are yeah i do love that um there’s also a few short questions we like to ask everyone at the end of the show and the first one is what advice would you give to your 25 year old self be patient and let it go she does it let it go she doesn’t love you hmm let it go and patient i’m telling myself both of those things all the time actually yeah yeah i love that um

(2:02:33) uh heather ash when we had her on talked a lot about letting it go and i said to her that everything i’ve let go of has claw marks on it it’s not it’s not what i’m good at right i’m gonna walk around a little bit because i’m gonna grab the power out because my laptop is about to die so but i’m gonna walk around a little bit sure there’s just two more questions okay but i just wanna make sure that the computer doesn’t die let’s get you plugged in before i ask the others so

(2:03:01) that you know yeah that way i can good thing you noticed it we’ve had someone’s die on well yeah yeah yeah because sometimes it takes a while to reboot after that happens too yeah i know and like the battery the battery signal came up and going okay there we go it’s time to do this [Music] all right now i’m going up for taking the time with us i know we went a little over yeah no it’s it’s good like the the you know it’s nice to get interviews where someone not only read the book but they started applying it or

(2:03:40) something and about life and makes it not necessarily well enjoyable but interesting and fun and really worth it yeah so worth it that i’m grabbing a power outlet to explain the charger yeah yeah we do try to implement things into our lives well we actually have you know like a guest dream guest list of people who we already know and love their work and we want to share it with the world in whatever platform we can offer so yes we are very much a fan of your work and and so glad to be doing this with you so thank you thank you appreciate it

(2:04:24) thank you so it’s powered on so all right so your next question um if you could have the whole world read one book which would it be oh wow man that’s a tough question i thought i knew your answer well you know the family wanted to force the four agreements you know that’s that’s the one that’s what i thought your answer would be yeah that that’s the go-to you know like my family but if there’s a book out there that i wish people can read man i’m i’m going like this this is like

(2:05:02) also like just bombardment for different reasons um well i want to go with that uh love in the time of colorado by the graveyard absolutely it’s my favorite book of all time um sapiens i love that book it it describes what we call the dream of planet in such a wonderful way i’m just drawing a blank on the name of the author let me just uh who did write sapiens i don’t know either of those books uh yuval noah harari okay and uh hummus juice and do so but sapience is a phenomenal book i absolutely love it you know i’ve read a

(2:05:54) couple i’ve read a couple of times in the last two months because i enjoy like it’s everything my photo’s been teaching me for a long time but it’s done in a way that it’s like really down to earth which i love i love the fact that he did a great job with that the other one is uh how to raise an adult now i’m going it’s it’s uh i’m going to the have to look into the name of the author again but um how to raise an adult yes it’s it’s it’s a it’s a great book about parenting but

(2:06:33) but it’s more reflecting on the parents like where what’s your where from how to raise an adult by julie lythcott james i think how to raise an adult break free of the over parenting trap and prepare your kid for success i absolutely just put that in my cart so how to raise an adult and sapiens and uh loving the time of cholera and the four agreements there you go those are the four awesome so how to raise an adult for someone who doesn’t have kids like myself could i apply it to my inner child oh yeah the conscious

(2:07:11) parents seriously suggested to people who don’t have kids at all because it’s it’s a good way to de-domesticate yourself from what your parents and society did it’s a great thing i i i think those two those two books the uh how to raise an adult and sapiens if there’s some books that capture what my dad has been teaching those two books are it like if someone someone keeps asking me to write a book a book about adults and uh about parenting i have to tell you i don’t i don’t need to write that it’s done it’s it’s out

(2:07:47) there and it’s great how to race and i thought that she did an incredible job and let me go back i’m going to reach out to her and see if she’ll come on um leah got hands like let me just show you the cover okay yeah i just i already ordered it it’s uh i i highly recommend it and sapiens it’s also uh a phenomenal book you know and and and the follow-up almost you uh home of you um those two books are in my point of view one day it’s it’s a phenomenal book so i i recommend those those series of well of course gabriel

(2:08:22) jersey marquez who’s my favorite author and the four agreements domingo ruiz i love that but but um but you know the funny thing is i could keep adding more i know i know but uh it’s a tough question well i i read a lot of biographies i i i’m a history buff i don’t read spiritual books i read history history books i biographies and things a lot i i i love history so yeah you know uh i will durant the work of will durant is very impressive i enjoy a lot of his work okay um so if you could whisper one phrase to

(2:09:00) everyone on the planet what would it be can you repeat the question again sorry if you could whisper one phrase to everyone on the planet what would it be enjoy everything in life yeah even the darkness enjoy enjoy being yourself that’s how i enjoy it being life and it’s the thing that allows us to enjoy every relationship we’re in yeah i we haven’t rephrased this question for our other guest but i want to rephrase it for you just because you did talk about parenting so much what about what would you whisper in the

(2:09:34) phrase of every parent on the planet in the ear of every parent yeah it’s going to be okay i tell you it’s uh if you didn’t believe it when you know in the thick of it but uh you know we’re we’re still in the thick of teenage years but it gets better yeah it does you know then the sex i’ll use the my son’s doctor’s phrase your son is going to have an incredible amount of success but it all depends on the work you do today and right now this is you’re going through the tough parts right now but

(2:10:31) if you don’t do those tough parts your son will never find success every parent even if it’s not with an autistic child or any kind of special needs child is probably having the same thought that’s hard to hold on to is that it’s going to be a you know or that i should say that their any doctor that sees you says that there’s going to be a lot of work ahead as a parent you’re going to have to do a lot of work but if you stick with it you know today is what matters that’s going to be really difficult to

(2:11:05) to face every single day yeah yeah and here’s the thing is that any person can bring a child into this earth what makes us a parent is the willingness to engage this child and raise them that’s why we do it they are worth the effort translate that to relationships is also truth my grandma used to say this to me miguel yours your grandpa is a patch i can sew on and cut off any given moment it took me a long time to figure that out but my wife is with me because she wants to be with me at any given moment if i do anything

(2:11:41) stupid she has all the right to say no to me every person i’m in relationship is there because they want to be with you and enjoy it yeah and enjoy yourself and be honest with who you want to be in relationship with especially yourself okay that’s the toughest one yeah and and that’s that that’s the core because if if you don’t have it for yourself it’s very hard to give it for someone else it’s the difference between generosity and sacrificing yourself and might i used to say love is the

(2:12:15) perfect balance between generosity and gratitude with respect yeah i like that all right before we let you go where can people find you and your work well thank you mercedes thank you jay for the opportunity to be on your show it’s an honor what the full experience has been a fun fun ride you can find me at our website uh miguel ruiz.

(2:12:44) com that’s where my dad my brother and myself are and my own website which is miguel ruiz jr.com galleriesjunior.com and of course we’re on social media facebook instagram i’m i’m more active in instagram than i am in facebook or twitter even though i post on all of them i tend to reply on instagram easier because it’s just easier and and the facebook i’m just so bombarded that sometimes i can’t even tell who who sends me something or not it’s it’s they need to fix that website just to be able to be so simple but now it’s like i don’t even get in

(2:13:16) there because it i can’t tell what is what it’s it’s it’s like a bombardment of information that i if someone sends me a message it it’ll get lost very very easy yep it’s true beautiful we’ll look out for you in all those places so thank you so much for being on our show today you are such a light in this world and we appreciate you this was really beneficial oh thank you so much so much thank you so much for the opportunity thank you so much for your trust you know because you know uh for opening up the way you

(2:13:50) did and i’m i’m i’m i’m grateful for us to have played in this way so yeah thank you yeah thank you so you know um what to do now is you hit stop okay on audacity a black square okay making sure that the waves are still there yes the waves are there bouncing though right yes it stopped bouncing it’s uh an hour 51 minutes yeah i think we’re gonna do a part one in part two of this episode my best friend actually suggested that the other day and doing this episode i was like we’re gonna have to do that and it’s

(2:14:33) it it’ll only make people listen to both so and so how do i send it to you now no go to file and then um you’ll go to export are you seeing that export as mp3 wave or aog uh wave wave okay you can just put your name as the title and then you’ll send it the same you’ll send it through wetransfer.

(2:15:14) com it’s a free site to use um so you’ll just um send it to adam redfoxaudio.com wait wait wait um it’s it should be in your email but we’ll stay on with you and make sure yeah yeah i just want to make sure that okay save it to desktop that way i can doesn’t get lost in documents all right so i hit save there uh artist use arrow keys to navigate fields artist name track title year not kind of thing anything you want me to add to that or just hit okay i just okay yeah just make sure you can save it in a place that you’ll remember

(2:15:49) it or you’ll just have to pull up your recents and pull it it should show up as your as your like all right i hit okay exporting the audio wave microsoft all right yep okay that’s right yeah and then so if you go to wetransfer.com there’s an option to send a file for free so and it’s on the very first it’s easy to see yeah you transfer.

(2:16:15) com where is it um on your internet browser if you just type in wetransfer.com it’ll pop up as a like a way to send something retransfer.com let me just see if it’s uh i agree okay so let me see where it should say something about send file for free or something like that just waiting for it to finish doing its thing from audacity yeah yeah okay that looks like it’s done all right now email to where adam redfoxaudio.

(2:17:03) com and then in the message just say miguel’s episode or something like this you don’t have to say anything really he’ll know oh and then attach that file and the there should be a big plus button where you can attach wait to hold on just okay uh desktop it’s looking for me always junior wave choose sorry you’re good while i’m behind i’m getting old we are worse than this yeah transfer transferring perfect and then it’s gonna transfer pry for a quite a while so just leave your computer open and make sure

(2:17:52) it doesn’t shut down during that time it’ll keep going then i’m very happy i got the power cord yeah yeah yeah all right all right then so okay so okay it’s transferring it’s at one percent and you know like he’s right above my laptop like this that’s cute yeah how’s this your dog three uh we just adopted her two months ago so yes she’s still adjusting yeah we just rescued a dog uh well both our dogs are rescued brownie’s been with us for five years oh wow we just we i i went for a run and

(2:18:46) around in october and uh i was i was training for the marathon of course and the tail a little puppy is walking down the path going straight towards me and i’m like wow what is this puppy doing here by himself so i passed them and i heard him a little cry a little bit and i thought to myself well if he’s still around when i go around the second round i’m gonna help him out and give him water and all kind of thing because there’s a lot so many dogs in town i found him by the pyramid of the moon and picked him up i gave him water and i

(2:19:21) wasn’t able to put him down i walked with him back to the hotel i fed him we took him to the vet we cleaned them up and i brought him home so he’s been here so he is about five months old now wow that’s amazing that’s a real rescue yeah yes it’s just nice so we’re not used to being having two uh dogs bless you thank you somebody’s knocking on my door i can hear it um i don’t know if it’s the maintenance man or uh delivery but um so i’m gonna leave this on but i’m gonna go do that uh all right so you’re

(2:19:52) all set miguel you can just hit hang up on skype once we’re done here and thank you so much and have happy holidays have fun you too happy holidays all right what the [ __ ]

(2:23:24) um sorry honey okay sorry it’s all good who is it i forgot i told someone they could buy seoul’s uh santa costume at two o’clock because i figured we’d be done by then and then they only had a 20 bill i’m only selling it for 10. i was going to take double the price but i was like this isn’t a grocery store i don’t have change so i think he’d come with exact change so i was like just take it it’s fine he’s like i’m gonna go get changed and i’ll come back in 15 minutes and i was like i

(2:24:08) rather you just keep it but i don’t know it was broken english let’s see what happens okay um so you want to act like you just got off where do you sell that stuff on craigslist or something facebook that way you can like scope their profile and stuff yeah okay i’m trying to get my magic to upload but for some reason my internet is not working on my phone at all mine’s not on my phone either it’s weird what the hell is going on yeah tom was saying he he was thinking we might get more listens if like our

(2:24:50) two hour episodes or any that are longer than that like even two minutes five hours yeah if we just like fade the music at the end but we title it part one and then part two it just picks up you know because he said also it’ll cause people to listen to both episodes instead of just one so it’s like double the clicks um but he said he feels like a lot of people don’t have time for a two-hour episode or more like nobody you know really do you ever i don’t listen to my podcast all like in one sitting anyway i

(2:25:19) don’t either that’s what i told him but when he said that i looked at like tom bilyews and a couple others and all of those are an hour or less and our conversations are so deep there’s no way to do that so i think if it’s more than 90 minutes only or like more than an hour 45 maybe it would be beneficial to do two parts i think i mean like because our shorter ones definitely got more clicks yeah it would help us gauge what people care really a lot about because if they go and listen to the second one then they must really like we

(2:25:51) may just try it out you know and see maybe our clicks will double um or you know maybe it won’t work out we can just go back to posting long ones you know yeah um try it but i think it might cause more clicks just because the intro on the second one or how do we do it uh the intro on the um like part two yeah it would just be no uh i don’t know like the way that i i need to like look there’s other podcasts i listen to that do part that your own magic she does almost part one part two part three it’s kind of like

(2:26:28) almost with a lot of her guests so um i’ll have to see how she does it but i think we would just like instead of like the intro jam just do like uh it quietly like fading in without the words you know what i mean and then it’s just going through but that intro is only at the first part one you know what i mean yeah so like music would fade out at the end and fade in at the beginning of part two okay yeah i think we should try that um do we you don’t think we need to say anything at the beginning like this is

(2:27:02) part two of the maybe during the music it can just say your voice this is part two of don miguel ruiz with the music in the background instead of our rap the rap would be only part one yeah i think i think it’s really worth trying because we gotta we gotta try some different things okay something yeah all right you wanna act like he just got off uh give me just a second i’m trying to look at these tricks the babies are gonna be home any minute but i’m hoping scott will lay them down i’m just going to

(2:27:31) wing it what do we want to say about him here on the coming off of his exit just be natural with it i think you just act like he just hung up that was great it was really cool to talk to him someone who we’ve read so many books from and yeah get some of his knowledge some wisdom yeah it really stirred up in some stirred up compassion in me and uh he was very compassionate you know you could see compassion in his eyes so yeah yeah that was a nice conversation now i gotta go do the damn work of using those i know my relationships

(2:28:20) i hate homework but really we love it because that’s what this is all about right yeah and we have homework for you right now actually what you got jade magic trick time so i have a healing ritual that i actually got from his book seven secrets of happy healthy relationships um there’s a couple in there and um i liked them all but i thought that the easiest one to present today for the magic trick um was this one you so get a piece of paper and uh you know this is something extremely valuable because what i want us all to walk away

(2:29:06) from in this episode is that the most valuable gift you can give your family is to take responsibility for your own healing i feel like that was a theme here and what he kept expressing um so this will help that happen i feel if you take a piece of paper right out on one side your perception of events and on the other side results so your perception of events is whatever in your childhood or past relationships that you once believed but now recognize or suspect are no longer true for you and then next to that you’ll put you

(2:29:39) know the result of it and this is so you know what needs to be healed and you not you know just so that we can place blame um so the examples he uses is one my perception of events my dad was a heavy drinker and gone a lot he missed many of my important events the result i sometimes crave attention and recognition and have a strong need for others to be there at events that are important to me number two my perception of events the adults in my life argued loudly and were verbally abusive towards each other result i dislike loud conversations even

(2:30:14) if they are not abusive i avoid confrontation to an unhealthy degree number three the last one i’ll list my perception of events my mother was not affectionate result i sometimes crave physical touch and can sometimes rush in or overlook other things if i get caught up in my desire for physical connection and i gave you guys my examples you know about the field and walking on eggshells you know and i listed out the result there you know while talking about it this can at least strengthen our awareness um i know at

(2:30:44) least for me i’m i may not be good at changing my reaction right away but i’m at least conscious of you know that this is a result of a perception of events it also starts our healing process by labeling our old wounds getting it out on paper and it can also let you know where you may need to practice forgiveness in your life and just remember you know that all of these people that hurt us in the perception section all of them are souls that are learning as well and you know it’s a gift to find out what’s inside you

(2:31:18) um so yeah it’s it’s a good practice for awareness yes yeah what about you mercedes nice one um so i this is a a little practice that you could implement if you so feel if you feel so moved and it would be something to um stir up gratitude or to just recognize the gratitude you have for your significant other or even in any relationship in your life um and i’m going to give you maybe i don’t know it’s two or three options of how you can do this or you can do all three of them if you want so firstly a gratitude journal where you

(2:32:06) can take it upon yourself to write down reasons you’re grateful for your partner you can do this on a daily or weekly basis um i kind of like a daily check-in like every night before you go to bed the last thing you do is kind of list three reasons that you’re grateful for your partner they can do the same thing and then the next day when you go to write or maybe when you wake up in the morning you guys read those so it kicks off the day with a nice little something sweet and then the end of that day you do it again you know kind of

(2:32:35) continuing this idea of starting the day and ending the day with gratitude for each other and another option would be to do like a shared thank you notebook where maybe you put that on somewhere in your bathroom or you put a notebook in your bathroom where when you guys go in there you write something that day that you’re thankful your significant other did with or for you or something like that just little things that i know seem simple and it’d be hard for maybe even people to decide to stick to them but i

(2:33:06) think once you try it you know say oh we’re going to try this for a week we’re going to do this every day for a week and give it a go and see if what happens you know does it increase the love between you two does it increase your even um first of all you feel good emotions just feel good emotions for yourself like just yeah who doesn’t want more positivity in their life but not to mention when you start actually putting on paper the reasons you’re appreciative of someone else you know your significant other

(2:33:34) and they see that you took the effort to even think about that and then put it on paper i think that is so moving like i know for myself i want to hear why how i’m being appreciative i don’t i don’t i don’t even know that i want to hear that until i hear it because once i do hear hey i really appreciate the way you did the dishes today or you know the fact that you whatever it is that i took time and effort out of my life to do for this other person or um you know for us as a unit when you hear you’re appreciated it

(2:34:05) makes it all worth it like instantaneously and that’s i think a really healing thing for a relationship that can end up resentful when someone feels like they’re absolutely pulling more weight than the other yes and then the third little piece of that would be a a weekly appreciation session so this can be maybe you do um you know a lot of people do a date night every week or if that’s not possible maybe it’s even just a 30 minute down time when you guys talk about all the things you need to talk about that week because

(2:34:34) i know in busy lives things pile up especially if you’ve got kids running around you’ve got big careers you’re building and all that you have so much going on you don’t leave a lot of time for each other but if you can set aside okay hey every um you know friday evening at around seven o’clock or over dinner we’re gonna have a weekly session where we discuss all the things we need to get on the table for that week whatever it happens to be kick that session off with an appreciation session so this is

(2:35:02) gonna this only has to last a couple minutes just saying hey i saw you know i see you and i’m appreciating these these things about you this week and it could even be the same things every week like hearing that you appreciate how your spouse looks after the kids and really you know takes the time to um make sure the house is tidier i don’t know what your things are yeah whatever that is speak it out loud it means way more than you think it means yeah and when you hear it towards you as well you’re going to feel how

(2:35:33) great it feels and i think that starts this this cycle of of gratitude i know you’re good at that you’ll send me texts like that and it really does um make a difference in my day especially you know if it’s a crummy day but and i you know a lot of my girlfriends are good at that but um it’s it’s interesting how men um yeah they may not be comfortable with this it’s interesting yeah i don’t know i haven’t figured out what the psychology of that is but i know exactly what you mean there seems to be a little

(2:36:04) bit of resistance around um uh maybe it makes them feel vulnerable or maybe it’s something or it’s like cheesy i don’t know like maybe they think it’s cheesy but why do they think it cheesy you know is it is it really calling something cheesy or or too romantic or gushy or whatever is that just a way of is there like fear behind that that they’re really just not wanting to you know have to i don’t know but there’s science behind it it wires your brain there’s a bunch of ted talks

(2:36:31) on it like who doesn’t want more positivity in their life i don’t get it but you can’t shout that as someone right you got to be like hey on the slide did you watch this ted talk somebody else send that to him so he’ll feel like he had the brave idea yeah we’ll figure that psychology at some point yeah yeah all right well thanks for listening you guys we hope you found this uh conversation with don miguel ruiz jr as just informative and refreshing as we did this was really um insightful for me me too

(2:37:07) and if you did please share it with your friends and family further spreading all this sunshine that you know we’re trying to put out there and remember you can go to our instagram page at the magic hour to ask us any questions or our future guest questions talk to you guys next week until then be a light thank you to don miguel ruiz jr for being on our show today and to at rayton royal for our intro jam of course and adam from red fox audio for producing the show stay magical friends okay you want to do the intro yeah

(2:37:52) it’s interesting how different him and heather ash are way huh well she also is like such a different place of her relationship all right what’s going on boys and babes it’s that time again time for another episode of the magic hour i’m mercedes terrell and with me my majestic partner and shine jade bryce yeah hi you guys we just wanted to thank all of you again that have shown us love by reviewing us on itunes we love reading these and getting some confirmation that y’all are finding value here we wanted to share

(2:38:26) one from lou pooch he says jaden mercedes couldn’t have had a better first interview i’ve read paul selig’s i am the word in the book of mastery he’s one of the world’s most valued channelers and his books are really inspirational thanks mercedes and jade so thanks lou for that review we love paul and we’re still actually feeling a high from that episode so if you haven’t heard it you can go listen to it it’s episode numero dos yes thanks lou that was awesome i think it’s really beautiful when

(2:38:56) another human can make you smile with such a little effort like just leaving a review on a podcast episode thanks for the gratitude yeah it’s the little things y’all we appreciate you so today we’re having on don miguel ruiz jr i’ve become a huge fan of him and his writings i’ve read through three of his books in less than 10 days because i just couldn’t stop i loved absorbing the toltec wisdom and super practical truths his most recent book seven secrets of happy healthy relationships

(2:39:27) is mostly what we’re going to focus on today and i think you guys will all truly benefit whether you’re in a relationship or not i love that it keeps the theme of how bringing healing to ourselves is one of the best things we can do for those around us our partners our kids you know everyone throughout his book he points out that intimate relationships have the uncanny ability of opening up old wounds that we think are healed and manifesting them in new and unexpected ways love in relationships really is a school

(2:39:59) true that agreed and by the way like a school there will be many many tests so i’m glad we’re getting to chat with miguel today since you know he and his books especially this most recent one are i’m calling them like a living cheat sheet thank you yeah and in that i’ve found his work incredibly helpful where i’ve applied it to my life so far and so i hope you guys get to do the same with what you learn here today and of course we’re going to get into all those details in our combo with them

(2:40:29) so listen in um yes let’s get into it without further ado let me introduce a toltec warrior and spiritual healer a dedicated father and husband as a nawal he helps others to achieve their own personal freedom and optimal physical and spiritual health by passing on the tools and the wisdom of his family’s tradition don miguel ruiz jr ladies and gentlemen that was good i don’t think we need a second take of either i liked him cool i was just gonna say that for the um like intro intro maybe i should add that this

(2:41:08) is part one blah blah blah or we should put that at the very end actually i think it’s better we put at the end after you say be a light maybe i say about part yeah this is part one it should listen it should be i think it should be over the music that’s gonna exit us so it’s just gonna okay so so let’s just say like midway this is part one of don miguel ruiz jr and then when episode two starts it’ll say instead of our rap intro it’ll have that same music and you’ll say this is part two of don miguel ruiz jr so i

(2:41:38) would just say both okay or i can say either one it doesn’t matter just both do it and then adam can pull whatever it sounds okay like it floats yeah um this is part one of don miguel ruiz jr yeah yeah this is part one of don miguel ruiz jr’s interview and our episode of the magic hour we hope you guys enjoy listen in for part two afterward i don’t know what do i want to say do you want to just say this is part one yeah maybe we’re gonna put in separate weeks yeah part one and then the next week is

(2:42:16) part two okay this is part one of dawn miguel ruiz jr’s i would just say this is part one of don miguel ruiz jr because they already know it’s an episode and all that stuff they know that like part two will be coming up next you know this is part one of the don miguel ruiz jr episode i hope you guys enjoy and listen for part two on next week of the magic hour on the next week’s episode of magikarp this is part one of the don miguel ruiz jr’s why is it so difficult for me this is part one of the don miguel ruiz

(2:43:00) jr episode no interview this is part one of the don miguel ruiz jr interview listen in on next week episode of the magic hour for part two this is part one of the don miguel ruiz jr interview and listen in for part two on next week’s episode of the magic hour okay i’m just gonna say this is part one of don miguel ruiz jr and then we’ll just see what’s more fitting this is part one of don miguel ruiz jr and then you want to do part two this is part two of the don miguel ruiz jr interview i hope you guys enjoy

(2:43:45) this is part two of don miguel ruiz jr cool okay all right i feel like he should have wow 2 25 oh no what don’t say oh no what it says recorded audio is lost at the labeled locations what does that mean um i don’t know i gotta delete some stuff on my computer wait hold up what you