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greetings boys and bibs it’s the magic hour a place where we navigate through life’s peaks and valleys with all the vulnerability and shamelessness we can muster with the help of world-class guests from all walks of life we uncover new truths and valuable tools for manifesting our highest potential i’m your host mercedes terrell along with my partner in shine jade bryce hi you guys hey so we are doing things like i said at the top of the show we’re doing things a little bit differently today we

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have opened up this podcast here on zoomed the attendees in our men’s workshop awakening the king within so they are on live with us today and we’ll have the opportunity to ask our guest questions at the end of this episode so with that jade tell us about our guest yes so today we’re having on one of my good friends and he’s like a brother to me we may have very well been siblings in a past life um and adrian i met you eight or nine years ago i believe and it’s been well we were completely different people then um you

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were you were mid-thirties i was mid-twenties and it has been an extreme honor to watch you on your journey to awakening the king within and i’ve always known you to be someone who cares about others um always known you as someone who is very vulnerable and intimate in their connection with others always known you to be someone who’s a truth teller and a truth seeker as a humanitarian and a um not i guess you have always been really passionate about you know economical issues and things like that so i’ve always known

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you to have this huge heart you’ve always been all of these things and you’ve always made the world a better place including my world okay um when i first met you you didn’t really believe in um you know falling in love or in monogamy things that are in your life now and although you were so much a lover i know that and this was the same for me we were very much in our shadow lover when it comes to the archetypes and um you were still though somewhat trying to answer just like i was and we still are

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the question of who am i um and even though when i would be around you i would see you living with such an open heart as if you could hug the whole room or the whole party all at once um there was still like i think in both of our eyes i could see and yours like a longing for something more or maybe like a bit of fear or sadness because there was still this like void that we were trying to fill fast forward to today there is a new sense of groundedness and centeredness and calmness um and i know i’ve told you this before

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um there’s a strong sense of inner knowing and inner peace without the need of constant exterior pleasure um there’s this ability to be alone with ourselves as well but mostly what i see in your eyes is now a man who is solid who’s ruled by love and who has an unwavering sense of who he is and what he’s here for and i have loved getting to know you over and over again over these years and i’m so excited for our men’s workshop and for our podcast listeners to get to know you as well so with that welcome to the show

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i like that love bomb that was pretty cool to witness over here if you’re on video watching this with us um so yeah and by the way we haven’t seen each other until in a very long time so this is i think pre-covered this is a great excuse to finally hang out yeah that’s awesome i love it magic hour is bringing everyone together i like it uh it’s what we need after covid for sure so uh i wanna ask you to kind of take us back into your journey and and maybe think back on your life leading up to now like what are

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the moments that stand out to you perhaps both good or bad high and low that directed you along your journey first of all how many people are in here right now i just wanted to say hello to all of you i can’t see you but um i just want to acknowledge that you’re here hello so awesome that they showed up yeah um of course you would this is an incredible duo here so much wisdom coming out of here uh um there’s a lot i mean from her introduction the question it just feels very broad i don’t really know where to begin all i

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know is that at this point in my life [Music] so many things have changed and i imagine everybody here has gone through a lot of changes the whole world has and and i’m really really really happy that those changes have come about because um i feel like i’m in a much more grounded place i’m certainly my my perspective on the world my spiritual orientation has expanded to include um a longer timeline instead of just self-centered or me centered or moment-moment indulgent centered and and there’s a lot of reasons

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for that and that that journey was very hard arduous yeah painful and i’m just really happy to be in this moment having had all that experience behind me and now i get to take what i’ve learned what i’ve manifested what i’ve come to embody and then start to walk along the the new path oriented now to uh i i what i think is a higher order of purpose yeah absolutely and you know jade mentioned in the the bio or the intro she she brought up for you was that there was this phase that she kind of witnessed you going through where it

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was a lot about pleasure seeking and escapism and i wonder if you can maybe bring to mind any of those instances where you were like sat back and were like what the hell is what the hell am i doing you know like where are we at adrian where do we want to go and you actually got a chance to glimpse that reality like hey have i just been running from really myself my entire life yeah um certainly was i i think it was born of a nihilism a godlessness growing up in new york city without a sense of a higher um sort of god

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sense of god or or collective in me it was more ego and so intellectual and so uh you know they say if if god is dead then we’ll create our own we’ll become our own so in many ways i had to step into that role and so for me my intellect my ability to outwit outsmart or get over on somebody was a survival method but also a way of grounding myself in some sort of order um and and in that i was you know a little bit i mean a lot of it self-involved self-centered in my objectives you know jade mentioned that i she i mean i i guess you you viewed me

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as being loving and caring about others um and that’s true but my care for others stopped where my ego began because if it was between me and you if we could both if it was a win-win great but if it was between me and you it was always going to be me so i hadn’t learned the ability to sacrifice or to forego my own indulgences for the sake of others and that really is um you know if i imagine a lot of people here are familiar sort of with the different archetypes but that’s really the the prince sort of uh immaturity that i

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was embodying um and and now that i’ve stepped into a more mature stage of my life i really um look to give of myself in service to others to the point to the extent where i will forego my own needs my own pleasure my own comfort and be able to withstand or yeah withstand the discomfort enough until i can you know take care of myself again but uh that really and it’s and it’s not that i’m doing it out of some martyrdom like oh look at me i’m like giving myself over it’s like no i i want to do it because i see the value

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and the benefit of serving the world serving others so that as we are reborn over and over we begin to be come into a world that we have created that is better than the one before so i really do believe that my my life’s goal is to cultivate create build give serve a a better world that only i can actually create if i give of myself in those ways i’m curious um because most people listening probably do know you from entourage and i’ve wondered this about a bunch of actors that were really good playing the

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role first of all when i met you i had not seen entourage i had only seen devil wears prada and uh i remember when i watched that in the theater seeing your character and feeling like i knew you already and think like you looked so familiar to me and i had no idea we’d have a future and probably had a past together um so it’s funny but uh like take monica from friends like she plays that role so well and then when you meet her in person i remember being at her house one time and being like she’s basically monica in real life

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and it made me wonder did she play the role so well that she then became monica in real life or because she played it for so long or was she so already monica that that’s what she brought to the character and that she just um you know that’s basically how the character was based around so i wonder for entourage because it was so much of who you were then as well somewhat i’m curious if you became that role in your daily life um or if you just played that role so well and that’s what you brought to the character

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let’s see it’s the age-old question does art imitate life or does life imitate art and i’d say it’s both it’s a symbiotic exchange between what we imagine what we fake till we make and then what we make affects us as well and then we become it i mean i remember i mean you know when you’re like in eighth grade and you are going into high school or you’re making some big change where you don’t know anybody and suddenly you’re like now i can be who i really want to be or i can

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change my identity because i don’t have to um continue to you know uh represent this authentic self that everybody sees me at but now i can actually experiment and try you know i mean i i changed my clothes out you know i used to wear my mom used to dress me i mean until like ninth grade you know so i would i would wear matching mustard yellow sweater and socks from the gap um and and when i first got into high school i was like oh yeah this is this is not gonna work so for the first time i started to experiment with

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who i would choose to be through dress through swagger whatever and was i really cool no i wasn’t i was just trying it on for the first time but i guarantee by the end of high school i was real cool because i just you know conditioned myself to be my new self so we and we we reinvent ourselves all the time i mean this is life is a creative process we are constantly in a state of becoming a new so i give myself permission to take ownership of what i create and who i am um and that’s part of taking responsibility

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for who you are and what you what you do um but you know i i remember the time i was reading you know all the beatniks and how you know a fancy for uh the idea of jazz music smoking cigarettes playing chess and being in like little dive bars and it was all new for me it was just an idea from books i’d read and i was like well i want to be that and so i didn’t know how to play chess i didn’t smoke cigarettes i didn’t like jazz uh whiskey was kind of you know didn’t taste great um but you know i went in i learned chess i

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started like smoking cigarettes and i became that that um that archetype you know this smoking drinking chest plane jazz dude and i started to actually enjoy jazz and the complexity and oh that was weird like what was that off note so all that saying that i have reinvented myself over and over again to embody ideas of myself now these are characters in many ways right and so to entourage um in many ways like i you know we are asked as actors to portray a character so we study the character and we imagine what the character is and then we borrow from

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parts of ourselves to you know feed in put into that role but we all have all of it in us you know we have all of the roles all of the personality types all of masculine feminine you know good guy bad guy all of the things and it’s just can you as an actor allow yourself to be vulnerable vulnerable enough to be something that you’re not authentically because i think on some level at least socially we have a desire to be authentic or at least to seem genuine you know there’s some i’m sure evolutionary reasons for that

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uh trust you know you want to you know you know convey trust to other people so that they invite you in and trust you but and if you’re always changing and you’re kind of shifty and not exactly grounded in an identity people don’t trust you because there’s no nothing to expect so there’s on some level we want to convey that but as actors we have to be willing to go into the unknown of who we are which is also a very uncomfortable and very disconcerting experience because who are you you’re like you could be

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anything and you don’t even know yourself and the only way you know if you’re if you get validation is if people applaud you but then you don’t know if you really believe them because they could just be saying that and then also you have to like trust a director to tell you did i do good and then if the director’s not that great so it’s a disconcerting experience to constantly be foregoing your self for these aspects of yourself so yes i mean they’re you know i vince is a part of me vince

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came from a very real aspect of my personality and um and then once the character i was just interested if you would say that you were kind of also living offset as that character or that part you know that you’re wearing that mask essentially for a time in your life or did the other parts of you peek out often well once the character was established especially globally yeah suddenly i was validated in every room i walked into because they liked the character so am i more likely to try and be authentically me who no one knows who’s

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like kind of like weird and awkward and wants to play chess or am i going to be the vince character and then get all the approval of all the rooms of ever of everywhere so you know so you’re sort of you know um you’re almost like yeah you’re you’re funneled you’re channeled to stay in that identity in a way right and and then as a celebrity you get further reward further dopamine with attention sex alcohol drug like whatever you want it’s like always there so the pleasure seeking me who wanted comfort wanted mommy wanted

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to like be safe didn’t want to stand up on my own and do anything hard wanted to always be comforted and coddled was like hell yeah man let’s go that makes total sense and i think even you know for for the rest of the world uh i think we can relate so much because we are all kind of acting or wearing a mask to some degree or another and it is because of our conditioning of course and then we go out and we get praise for identifying a certain way so we go okay well that that worked i’m safe in that

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identity you know safe in in the meaning of people aren’t ousting me you know i’m allowed to be part of the tribe if i keep this identity my parents accept me my friends accept me here so i’m gonna just stay in this lane and we never get to break through into the full spectrum humans we really were born to to be here to experience through um and i would love to know you know how your journey of like what we’re calling awakening to king within but your journey of um making that transition so like your

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transition from going from where you were wearing that mask and you were really kind of ingrained in that character or that part of you that part of your psyche really right um and began to kind of realize wait is there more here like what is something is missing here where did that start popping up bubbling up for you yeah well i think that we instinctively naturally leverage these transition mechanisms these transition points like from junior high to high school for example move to a new state change your identity

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um it’s it’s a lot easier when the external world does it for you it’s like everything’s so different anyway you can sort of slip in and try something new it’s it’s doing a lot of the good go with the inertia the momentum of that like with covert yeah that’s happening exactly you know so that’s why you know you hit rock bottom right so our evolutionary trajectory is always the same it’s like breakdown break apart reconfigure decompose then grow new life uh so my i had a i had a breakdown i had a a

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crash um that i i sensed coming i i intuited it over the years i mean it it happened a lot later than i thought like i got a really good run of that other guy that other character that i was playing um but ultimately it did come and i i just knew that i had to make i’d had to completely completely change my whole entire world view my my routines uh my my reason for being i had to reorient myself in a in a direction that was spiritually aligned to something bigger than myself get out of my ego get out of my head and my and into into my heart and

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into my mostly into my body yeah how to come back to earth come back into my physical experience so that sounds super esoteric for someone who’s not you know been in this work of somatic therapy and such can you kind of describe what that means for you like coming why coming back into our body and grounding ourselves that way is so incredibly important yeah and i didn’t know that that’s what i needed um i had a psychic um so i so i my breakdown was a break up um with my my ex-girlfriend who had the perspective on me enough to know

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that i was headed in the wrong direction and she wanted more of me and she said you’re you’re plain small um it’s painful to watch it hurts me and you suck so she she dumped my ass um and i was so deluded i was so in my own fantasy of myself that i thought she was absolutely out of her mind like i was able to rationalize like this this [ __ ] is crazy like are you kidding me like you’re gonna give this up really like i have it all like i’m i’m vince and she was like exactly um so she so she she dumped me and like

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gave me enough perspective on myself where i was like oh there’s got to be something here if this person that i love that i thought i’d be with and who i respect says that about me so she gave me a list of things to look at and i was like okay honey like i’ll i’ll look at it but you know you’re you you know it’s probably this seems crazy such a woman thing to do getting a written list so so grateful for that yeah it’s so convenient it’s like years all the things you got to do like oh [ __ ]

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so um i i like went through one by one and the first thing that i really had to do was um basically take out all of the things that were in my routine you know i had to change my routine strip everything away and just be to to really recognize how i was using each of those things how i was using sex how i was using alcohol how i was using business work um all of the things fame stuff materialism and strip it away start with from scratch and then say and then like start to assess and just in the you know just in doing that

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it was like oh my god i got all this feet all these feelings all this agitation and i just wanted to grab at all these distractions and these indulgences to numb and to escape in all of those things and so that began my my journey of getting out of the distractions and the numbness of the escape and into the feeling my feeling self again which um i you know i guess for my assessment i had been essentially out of my body for 30 years at least just yeah deciding to seek not feeling escaping and numbing out this is such a

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common thing for humans to do especially you know men we see it a lot in in male culture just because our society tells us men aren’t allowed to feel in a lot of ways yeah yeah and i think um so an intuitive of mine that i see regularly said something about how men truly do wake up when a very powerful woman breaks up with them or when they have to go without sex for a period of time because that’s when they feel their feelings more and so that power of a woman to like shake a man awake and how women can

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be so conditioned to accept the bare minimum from a man or the worse from a man and jordan wasn’t willing to do that um she wanted your full expression she wanted your full self and she i i loved watching that dynamic happen because it also made me feel empowered to accept more as well and to call a man um forward to what you know his evolution into fully waking up um yeah yeah i mean there’s a codependency collectively between toxic masculinity and women that accept that um that’s why where we’re at in society is

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so powerful with me too uh as sort of you know the sort of crude expression of hell no more we want better and now women who are recognizing that they need to expect more and not indulge because they feel like they can’t get any better and they’re a little bit scared that they’re going to end up you know alone their whole life so they accept bad behavior in men but that women are saying no we want more and they hold that standard for themselves and the world and i really do believe women women are the oracles they’re they’re the ones who

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are seeing what what we what the world needs and then us men are tasked to help build it you know and we are taking our cues from women and if women are allowing us to be you know small boys or like immature or uninitiated we’ll we’ll stay like that i mean i’ll cuddle with mommy all day long as long as i don’t have to do any hard work but it’s not until women expect more of us and then we step into that responsibility and and create the the um [Music] the structure yeah that we need for to build that world yeah some men though

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would feel too tested by that or too nagged by that so i’m curious i feel also that maybe the men who can’t trust their woman to be their oracle is because they don’t trust their own inner feminine or they don’t they still have a mother wound um so can you speak on that maybe how that may have been a part of it for you and how maybe that came folding together you being able to trust your own feminine and work on your own mother or father wounds that allowed you to let jordan be your oracle because some

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men don’t don’t allow that i think i mean this [ __ ] is deep it is deep um i i would say maybe the opposite it’s it’s that i trusted i trusted my feminine too much i didn’t trust my masculine i didn’t actually have healthy strong masculine role models and by the way neither did my mom and by the way neither does anybody i know for generations men have been showing up less and less and and i know your mom showed up as both for you she tried she did yes um and so i would say that my mom um did not have

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that healthy dynamic with men so she compensated the best she could and then through subconscious means and through conditioning having been raised by her i didn’t learn to um entirely well i didn’t grow up i didn’t learn the masculine part of me which um i needed to and also because my mother was on her own she was left to her own devices and her instinct is to just coddle and hold me and like protect me so despite her best efforts to try and be that the disciplinarian masculine energy i mean i got away with everything anyway

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god bless her i just i knew how to you know through the codependence of a mom and a child like i knew how to trigger her mother instinct to coddle me and to protect me and to do the thing i mean she didn’t do my laundry but you know do my dirty work at times um and and so i think it wasn’t that i was in touch with my mother i was like i wasn’t you know birds fl leave the nest at a certain point you know and it’s not that i was living at home with my mom but i was still living at home with my mom

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um so it’s yeah i don’t know does that answer the question yeah so i just i loved that um you allowed that you’re you you’re still obviously called jordan in because it was asking for that from you as well and i love that you recognize that because i know you have to be on a certain place in your own journey in order to allow your woman to be an oracle otherwise it’s just constantly resisted and treated as um like oh the woman’s testing you too much or um and i feel that women we can’t not test you when we truly love

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you because we want the best of you we want you to rise to your you know there’s no way that we can just sit and not call you to your best self well and i think if we truly love it i think that’s what’s what what’s part of stepping into your true fortitude as a man or this is speaking for myself obviously is when a woman tests you when she pokes you when she’s you know making sure that you’re up to you up to snuff for her for her is your reaction a you know what’s the energy of your

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reaction is it defensive do you feel nagged are you is it do you feel like the little boy where you’re like oh i gotta like listen to the old ball and chain or you know mom i don’t wanna you know is it that energy or is is there something else at play and i think and i and i recognized that the energy i was coming from for many years was like roll my eyes and try and get away with something you know if if there was a rule i’d try and break it because i was this you know rebel this you know immature you know little

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you know punk that wanted to get away with everything and i thought that if i got away with it no one knew like you know it’s like getting away with your you know having stolen the cookies from the cookie jar but then at a certain point just like that you know i i had to change my world view and say do i want to live my whole life until i die just same old indulgences and pleasure seeking and then i’ve left behind what or do i want to actually create something of meaning and um and really claim your life

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yeah i mean instead of letting it just prod you and poke you along and you get away with things and get away with things yeah it doesn’t feel integral even when you say those words like i can feel it as you say it and i think that that um that idea of being able to get back in your body and actually start feeling is really i mean that’s really what you’re speaking to there when you could sit back in or what i’m hearing from you is when you could sit back in your body and just like go how is this emotion coming through me

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whenever my woman is testing me or whenever something hard comes up in life what’s actually happening inside my body like what are the feelings i’m feeling is it tightness in my stomach whatever it is and how does that come out of me is it like a little boy’s throwing a tantrum because he’s not getting his way you know what are what’s where is the power that you’re flexing actually coming from is it a conscious place or is it a place of i just want to get my way and i want things to be this

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way because it’s easiest for me an inner child or an inner king yeah i want to talk to you about so you and i both did a celibacy period at the same time um i did like a straight nine months i think you did two series of three months if i’m not if i’m remembering correctly um and i want to talk about what that experience was like for you and how i remember you telling me in the midst of it that you were actually like uh feeling orgasms in your heart like if you were brought i don’t know if you remember

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that but or if you remember going through that but you uh it actually brought you more into your body um those periods of celibacy so i want to talk about why you intentionally chose to have a celibacy when sex was very easy for you to come by um and so that and then also um how it brought you more into your body i know that you did some work with um uh i don’t know if it would be called a sex healer or an intuitive healer but yeah i mean in many ways a somatic healer as well um well as i mentioned before i was sort of

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looking at the the role that these different elements played in my life sex being a huge part of my life you know i love it it’s great um and a huge addiction and indulgence uh and so the question was you know am i addicted to sex i’m like well i really like it and i want it all the time is that addiction well that’s not the addiction the addiction is how you use it it’s are you using it to shut down turn off a numb or are you are you using it for to increase sensation and and connect more um so um

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yeah i had to i had to say i was like okay let me take this off the table and see what else is going on and that’s why meditation is so important because you’re turning off the natural inclination to be distracted by thoughts so that you can come to a more pure mindful of you know um observation of yourself right the um the uh the what’s the word perspective yeah different perspective and then and then also in the body like how can i stop indulging in all these physical escapes to to try and see what’s

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happening in my body what’s going on and um yeah and so that was it was [ __ ] challenging i mean really hard because i’ve been using sex masturbation to i mean like oh i like you know i can’t sleep so you know go masturbate and then like the endorphins and then kick in and you’re just like numbed out um and so now i had all this chi all this energy that i had to deal with it was like in me it wasn’t being released so i had to contend with that um all that energy and emotion and and my body just wanting to

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like grasp back into old patterns and find another way to numb out maybe yeah yeah yeah like any number of ways you know going on instagram or something you know um and can i continue to just remain present come back to presents come back to now come back to what’s going on in my body feeling all the all the feels and endure that right and if and if you’re reconditioning yourself if you’re changing patterns because certain patterns have been etched so strongly over years of just you know habits to change those patterns

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is hard and then to write new ones but it’s possible but first you have to stop with the old patterns and then now start to use that energy cultivate all of that qi and place it into new new patterns that reflect your new vision for the world your new ideology your new purpose and it was a multi-year process you know um and painful and uh speaking of alana alana metta was the the guide the um coach who helped me sort of structure my my my celibacy and um held me accountable and she also you know really helped me find and

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connect into some of the childhood trauma that i had which started my inclination to escape because being in my body my feeling body was just too painful yeah and so i would just find ways to get out of my body get out of my feeling and so once she was able to guide me to reconnect with those childhood traumas and feel those the pain of that and then move through that pain now as an adult it totally reconditioned myself and i remember we were doing an exercise and she incredible incredible force incredible magician

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she she essentially embodied a figure in my childhood who had hurt me and i mean it was it was i mean talk about role play and talk about performance talk about make believe like this was this was her um her specific skill to be able to channel that energy of that figure in my life to make me believe in this adult moment that it was happening to me and then to trust her enough that i was safe enough to like witness that experience and then even though like my whole body went numb and i was entirely uh it’s like you went back to that exact

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moment the exact moment the exact moment of trauma and i was i had utter fear and i couldn’t move i was paralyzed and then she asked me because there was you know i’m witnessing myself but i’m also in it in the experience from the past and then she asked me on like a third state of awareness what are you gonna do and then i had that moment of empowerment where i got to make a new choice and instead of retreating freezing escaping i got to push through that experience push through the feeling and be present

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and stand up for myself and from that state that from that point on i was again in my body i like now i had feelings that were numb for however long and why that’s important is not because i was able to push through that that inner trauma but because now i’m in my body and i have a whole set of feelings and sensations that i get to use to act upon the world to receive information and then to make decisions so a lot of times you know we get distracted by the visual or at least men do right i do um or the things that are

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readily available and so we’re always gathering information and synthesizing it in order to make decisions to you know make sense of the world but if i’m offline all down here there’s all this information that i’m leaving on the table so now being in my body suddenly my intuition started to come alive again and i started to be able to sense things in advance so whenever i’m about to make a decision a shitty decision that i’ve been used to making for you know all those years before suddenly my intuition was like what are

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you doing does that feel right are you sure you should do that and be like what are you what is this what is this you know shut up yeah okay no fine tell me more and and i was able to then start to make decisions that were beyond just escape but were for my you know better better self and for others yeah i was able to sense other people when they would come into my sphere because trauma attracts trauma so my trauma was always attracting others who had the similar reciprocal traumas so there’s a codependency there and so when people

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would come into my sphere and as a celebrity there’s a lot of people coming in my sphere instead of just like hovering above it and being like whatever i’ll just you know hope everything goes well i would sense i was like there’s something off about this person there’s something there that they’re seeking in me that is not healthy and instead of indulging that and indulging their trauma and then contributing more i was able to step into the appropriate role for that person it’s like oh this chick you know doesn’t

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want me to flirt with her she doesn’t want me to try and sleep with her she actually wants me to protect her and love her and so now i am able to serve her appropriately as an adult man as a protector uh as opposed to the little boy who’s just like yeah i’ll you know just indulge all the badness yeah you know thank you for being so open because i know a lot of men don’t talk about their sexual trauma a lot of men don’t actually remember their sexual drama um and i didn’t realize that the we had

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stephanos on last week and talked about um how the number’s much higher than it you know you would you would read online the number of men that have don’t have sexual trauma yeah we know we hear a lot about women’s sexual trauma we don’t hear a lot about men’s and i know uh i love that you were able to reach that place and like rewire your brain with that trauma and respond um kind of like peter levine talks about i think you pronounce it living with waking the tiger um like the animal shakes it off you know

43:50

and how you probably were in this fight flight or freeze up until that moment where you were able to go there again and shake that trauma off and i know for me um when i relived it my sexual trauma i did uh it was on ayahuasca at first where it came back up and i had the oh wow this went much further than i realized and then i revisited it again on mdma with a trauma expert and my whole body tremored for so long and when i uh revisited it and i saw that i had blacked out the actual rape when i was able to go back to it i was able to

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tell myself you’re safe we’re gonna overcome this and stay in my body and my pleasure my sexual pleasure pleasure after that um i always i’m not i won’t say that i didn’t have sexual deep connection prior but there was always this feeling of not being fully there and um pleasure was harder for me to reach after going through that um sexual healing work i felt fully in my body and my orgasms were a lot quicker a lot stronger and um i was able to just to simply put it be more in my body um was that your experience as well that

45:14

then when your celibacy was through and you then were intimate with a woman was it much different well i mean it was different in that you know i i went from being polyamorous to monogamous yeah was that part of it because i know during your celibacy i remember you telling me that you were ready for your queen but like our talks prior you know when i was in my uh what what eight nine years ago um you always had multiple uh you know i was enjoying myself yeah um but towards the end of your celibacy you were like really ready to have your

45:50

queen so was that that also a part of the celibacy was like that shift in you well um i’m i’m i’m still a very open person i’m um [Music] i i i just don’t know if the practical function of polyamory is is quite appropriate for me and i don’t even know for society at large um especially the way in which people are indulging that idea not that it’s not possible i just don’t know if i’m ready for it right now like i as an ideal yeah i think you know one day maybe in the future but i do recognize now that there is an

46:37

aspect of commitment to myself to my partner and ultimately why do we have partners to create life to build a family to have children and then create a safe space for those children to come into the world and grow up so that they perchance don’t have the same exposure to the traumas that we we did right so my goal right now is to create that haven that um sanctuary to you know have a family and when you’re juggling all these energies from all these different people with all their traumas and all the various degrees of work or not work that they’ve

47:37

done the variables just increase and it just becomes a little bit more challenging not that it’s not possible but more challenging than that i really care to embrace because i have so much work to do outside of the relationship still with myself i’m still becoming the man that i want to be i still have a [ __ ] load of skills i still need to learn which i failed to do throughout my whole life because i was too busy clubbing or something i don’t know uh i need to i learned i need i just bought land so i

48:12

need to learn how to steward the land and um you know grow food and and and um build build the community and all of the skills that i need to learn so that when my children do come into the world they don’t i don’t have to play catch up to teach them how to be the man they see it witnessed in my in the way i embody myself and how i practice so i have to build it like i have to build up to have the skill set to be the example for my children so that i don’t even have to teach i can just be yeah and that’s truly you know building

48:55

a legacy as a king in the way we put it you know here on the on the show because it’s about integration it’s about becoming an integral man when we talk about the workshop and what we’re helping men to do and it’s such a beautiful uh you know one of the first guests we actually had on this podcast said something to me that for some reason it finally clicked was that each time you know the next generation has a child they basically like our mothers for instance are the platform that we got to rise from and so

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then we become or we create the foundation in the platform that our children get to rise from and you have to hope that it’s better than the one previous because that’s what we’re doing is building incrementally on one another and that is you know the trajectory all the trajectory you can hope for is to make it better than the last right and you brought up you know that you you bought land and and you are now learning how to steward it and and even create a community on it and one of the things i

49:54

wanted to talk to you about was how important community is generally especially when you’re on your growth path like you have been and you still you probably will be on for the rest of your life i would assume at this point but you know the people listening to this podcast or listening to the magic hour generally are likely on their growth path they’re looking they’re seeking they’re attempting to be better humans and of course the men in this workshop are obviously very actively um on their growth path so

50:22

just would love to speak to how important community has been in creating accountability and holding you as you traveled through this next phase of your life well i think a couple of things that make us unique as humans are one to be creative you know to reinvent ourselves um [Music] to recognize that power and that ability is important and also our ability to collaborate successfully that’s another thing that’s made us as a species so successful is being able to work together so first having that creative vision of what we want to build what we

51:09

want to create how the world ought to be and then collaborating together to make it so to bring it bring it to life so yeah i now have changed my world view and my vision for the world and want to build it uh i can only do so much myself but together together we can really get something done so now um uh is the time to connect with like-minded humans and it’s it’s such a relief to see so many lights coming on throughout the world and people starting to connect into the a shared collaborative vision that is not naively

52:03

egalitarian everybody equal type thing but everybody unique in their contribution to a complex dynamic ecosystem of humans creating a a better society and yeah and it’s possible and if we look around the world and all the systems that we have created previously um need to change and i would just push back a little on what you said because you said we’re building on top of i don’t see it that way you know i think the linear mechanical world that we’ve believed is the way things are for so long have allowed us to create these

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exploitive systems exploitative systems that end in in landfills or end in in the um [Music] in discarding uh of of people resources things whereas i think we need to have a more of a a system that embraces and transmutes energy and and creates like this dynamic collaborative ecosystem that’s shared that’s not on top of or building we’re not standing on the shoulders of giants we are literally growing from within the giants we are the giants um and so yeah just just a different i guess a different visual for me um

53:34

is more in sort of the permaculture compost garden sort of a vision uh i’m in love with my compost and i see like my banana peels my my scraps we’re not building on top of them we’re they’re actually becoming the rich fertile soil that will set you know sort of the conditions for future life so it’s an evolution or an expansion yeah on yeah but i understand what you’re saying yeah when we get into that linear mindset it becomes the capitalist mindset you know become something that could be just yeah i mean and it’s just

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rhetoric but rhetoric is important also yeah and when i think of you and community i think of that i think about how you would make your backyard a community garden you know you’re very i i think of that and and of the sweetness of that but i also think of how you sought out men’s groups and um you’ve gone on men’s trips where you guys do deep work and that took a lot of first of all and not not to harp on men but it can be very hard for a man to seek out help from another man to seek out direction

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um you know there’s the funny stories of not wanting to pull over for directions before we have the iphones you know so i also think of that and the importance of that in your life men men’s work and men’s groups yeah absolutely um yeah i mean i i was an only child um i i craved connection i felt lonely i i wanted community but i was i was seeking out community members that were indulging in the same misbehaving that i was um and when i changed what i wanted for myself in the world i had to change who my friends

55:30

are and so i started to seek those that wouldn’t make me feel bad that wouldn’t belittle me that wouldn’t like you know compete with me for some zero-sum game uh that wouldn’t that weren’t uh inept and emasculated and um weak so that i felt safe that weren’t destructive in certain ways and men that were like leveling up and ex you know i had to like step up my game in order to be in there in their company and also when i asked for help they were there for me not in like an ego way but in a

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genuinely heart-centered way where they want me they want the best of me because they need me as much as i need them so that we can work together and if if anybody’s not operating at their highest potential then they’re a liability and you know i me too right like i suddenly recognize that i need those men i need them and they’re not above me because they need me so they that sort of the the tension of that those relationships elevate the group yeah oh that really hits home because it feels like for a lot of people and i know for myself it’s

57:07

that worthiness when it comes up like to say that they need me too and really feel that that is truth and i have something to offer them just like they have something to offer me yeah exactly it’s a mutually beneficial relationship where we need each other and it’s symbiotic symbiotic and and synergistic you know like we can like together we create something way better than we could alone um or yeah it increases your stakes yeah yeah and my partner is in a men’s group called the iron container uh at third eye

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meditation lounge over at casa de luz i know you’re familiar with but um i know they cry together and they they hold each other in a [Music] safe container to express all of their [ __ ] you know and they also hold each other accountable and call each other on their [ __ ] and i know there’s many times that he leaves there and he says that he’s on cloud nine and that he wishes all men could experience this and that’s something i can’t give him that’s something that he can only get in that

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specific container with other men there’s also things he can’t give me if he didn’t have that and so it’s so so valuable yeah and not to say that there aren’t men who live more in their feminine and feminine you know women who live more than they’re masculine but there’s a masculine energy that you know men are predisposed to have that you know requires you know they say iron sharpens iron and to have that push back and have that energy and and to feel safe in in them and their intention

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for you i mean yeah we cry we cry a fuckload and we reveal all of the the shadows you know and it’s horrifying to be vulnerable in that way but also when you see them being the same way you’re like wow like that they have that’s like me that’s what i have like there’s so much familiarity because we’re all we’re all just iterations on the same thing as humans and i know another big part for him was when he saw other men doing the work it made it more attainable for him yeah yeah highly recommend men’s groups

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very important and hopefully you know i think there will be more and more um opportunities for men to get connected with those kinds of men group men’s groups i mean we have we have outsourced that need for camaraderie and community in like sports or wrestling or something like like wwf but there is a type of male bonding that can be spiritually aligned heart centered loving and also tough as nails and you know definitely strong and um yeah i’m glad you bring i’m glad you bring that up because i think a lot you

1:00:14

know some men listening going i don’t want to go join a group or i’m going to cry all day that sounds terrifying and terrible you know it doesn’t sound like fun and it is a small piece of what happens in those groups but the point you brought up adrian is like this is a place where no matter however you decide to express in it you feel safe enough there because you know the intention behind it and you know the intention of the men that are holding that space and that in itself is like incredibly healing even just being able

1:00:41

to speak something that you maybe wouldn’t have said to anyone else and let it be held by a group of men who get you and who have positive and high intentions for you um can be so incredibly powerful and before we move on i want to just let our uh our guys in our awakening the king within workshop know that we are taking questions at the end of this in just a few minutes here so if you click on the little q a button somewhere on your zoom screen you can enter your question there you can enter it either anonymous

1:01:15

anonymously under your name and um any questions you have for adrian we will answer in just a few minutes when we open up the q a session so please add those now all right jade you want to move us on yeah so um i want to share like just a little a little story and then we can see where it goes but there was a time that you were um a date of mine to the wedding and that night is so memorable for me because i apologize like 20 something times to you about i apologize we had to park too far from the venue i apologize it was so crowded

1:01:51

i apologize that they served you your water and plastic i apologize that your ankle was broken people were wanting pictures with you i felt like or as far as i remember i was apologizing apologizing and you stopped me at one point you took my hand or my arm and you said i’m enjoying myself with you don’t like stop apologizing and you asked me straight up right then like why why do you feel the need to apologize so much and it hit like that was such a um touching moment because i i felt that unworthiness wound like

1:02:22

open i apologize just for taking up space just for like i had to apologize that you were even with me somewhere you know and that was so big of a of so david data talks about how men grow by challenge but women grow by praise and how if you praise your woman freely good to know freely five times a day how much you will see her grow and um how healing that is for her worthiness wounds so i know you are so smart thank you you’re so incredibly smart um you just like now yeah that praise is happening right here you see it

1:03:04

one more time adrian um but you you’ve always spoken to my queen you’ve always spoken to my queen which has called her forth and it’s one of the reasons why i feel so good in your presence but i want to talk about that about how that is a form of men leveling up uh being willing to speak praise because we live in a punishing culture we think if we praise they won’t try as hard or if we praise them they’ve won so i want to speak on that a little bit because you you have always done that for me

1:03:39

i’m glad and you’re you deserve it you are absolutely incredible intelligent beautiful uh one of my closest friends so um you deserve it you know and and otherwise you know why would i be hanging out with you like i don’t i want to surround myself with people that are worthy of my presence and you are um and so that requires that we both have to keep the standard high for each other um yeah i think you know a lot of times in this culture and you know we’re taught to belittle or to um you know put down it’s a shadow king

1:04:21

energy right to dominate to control um but what happens when you build up and make the other powerful suddenly now you have to also so there’s a weakness there’s a laziness like you stay small i can stay small right that hits home adrian right and so i would surround myself with small people um [Music] be so that i didn’t have to do any work it was easy for me and what a waste of time i mean you know i i could feel bad about not having leveled up sooner um because i did waste a good 20 years at least um but

1:05:07

you know we we’re we are infinite and it’s never too late and now is a perfect time so um and i would i just want to ask as a caveat to that is it like even when we spend a lot of time alone it gets to a place where we’re not in community on purpose like you’re saying it’s like it’s like almost an extended version of that where we’re not not only are we not surrounding ourselves with high you know growth mindset people however you want to put that right like people who are going to push us to our highest so that

1:05:38

we don’t have to worry about taking on that responsibility of stepping into our highest selves but we’re also just not even like we’re doing it so deeply that we’re just not even [ __ ] with other people at all like we just don’t even want to look in the mirror at all and see where we haven’t grown yeah because also with any knowledge there’s the call to change like when c spirit came out i i kept feeling resistance to watch it because i didn’t want to not eat sushi anymore and i knew if i watched it i was

1:06:06

going to be called to level up you know yes that’s so true yeah just like little nuanced things like that as well absolutely um did you have anything else you wanted to bring up on that but before we move on to our little staples questions jade um we well we have our lightning round of questions that we ask everybody on the show that i’m sure you’re familiar with and uh then we’ll open up to the workshop see if they have any questions by the way can i just hold on that picture is so nice i feel like we’re in some

1:06:45

now we’re in in your backyard i like it [Laughter] awkward family photos yeah exactly um okay adrian so like we said there’s a few short questions we ask everyone who comes on the show i know you know because you’ve listened to our show and thank you by the way for all the praise you’ve given us and uh thank you for sending me those cleaning supplies which i’ve never gotten to tell you from your company yeah shout out to blue land yeah absolutely um so the first question we ask is if you could hug your younger self right

1:07:21

now what would you say hmm yeah i’d say thank you for all the wisdom um i stay connected to my inner child because he has so much to offer me he sends me message messages through time and space to land in in my adult moments and i’m like i always have to remember that there’s messages coming he’s like you know be be a better man be better than your dad be better than my dad and i’m like okay got it i love that yeah if you could have the whole world read one book which would it be it’s a hard one

1:08:07

oh um well i’m i’m i’ll just say that i’m reading a great book right now by jamie wheel recapture the rapture have you read it well i’ve gotten it but i haven’t started it it’s really good the sex magic book i haven’t gotten to that part yet but it’s it’s really good he’s just he’s a great writer and it’s really compelling and um i think it’s it’s a handbook to you know level up for the future for a better future too so it’s right on on topic yeah yeah jamie was really

1:08:41

incredible um okay if you could whisper one phrase to everyone on the planet what would it be if i could whisper one one everyone on the planet what would it be oh my my instinct is i’m sorry a lot of people need to hear that i’m sorry i i did not know i knew not what i was doing i’ll do better i’ll fix it all it reminds me of the meta meditation um i love you please forgive me i’m sorry or not necessarily in that order but yeah a lot of people when you do that and you focus it out at a stranger it’s

1:09:30

actually in our bonus section of this workshop um it’s so healing to send that out energetically because so many people just need that that to hear i’m sorry yeah um so i know uh we normally ask where can people find you online but i know that you do so much work in the world you have to do contra ventures you have lonely whale um where can people find that work and how can they get involved yeah i mean check i mean obviously i i actually you could just google me you could find me online there but um really proud of de contra ventures

1:10:07

we’re building an impact fund that seeks ybm which is yield beyond money we want to reestablish our relationship the appropriate relationship to money as a tool not as a goal and um so we’re investing in awesome companies and also in tools of personal transformation as well as trying to shift our um financial systems as well so check that out i mean go to do contra ventures or at dueco.

1:10:46

ventures awesome amazing so i’m going to open up the q a you ready for that yeah okay cool so first off let’s see we got thank you recording it for the podcast it’s in panel mode yeah and i’ll just read them to you guys because i know you’re a little further from the computer so you can’t get to them as easily jade all right so he’s this one says how did you recognize you were in your feminine too much and how did you begin to trust your masculine more that’s a good question so i had been doing a lot of

1:11:21

work we’ve established that a lot of breath work as well and i was in australia and i i was doing this shamanic breath work in which i would descend through my lineage energetic lineage ancestral lineage and um so in that state in that meditative state of the breath work i was able to pass through my mother my mother’s mother my great-grandmother my native american ancestry into the earth and the animals and i bawled and i cried and i cried i was just purging the pain the traumas of my ancestors and when i came out you know sort of in in

1:12:13

my in the download i recognized that i was connected to my female lineage my ancestors my female ancestors and even the earth and the animals like feminine and not the masculine it was there i i mean it was i felt it energetically near but i couldn’t tap into it and and so when talking to the facilitator she’s like you know yeah you you’re you know very feminine you have like a lot of feminine energy passing through you um and i recognized that for for whatever reasons growing up not having that strong masculine role model

1:13:04

having a father who left me having men who taught me how to womanize or be macho some sort of semblance of masculinity or or were inappropriate with me sexually like i had a lot of dark negative masculine modeling uh and and ultimately not developed as a in the masculine but my feminine was quite strong and feminine being the creative the potential being the infinite possibilities of of life itself i recognized that i was using that i was tapping into that for my art for my creativity as an actor as a musician as a filmmaker

1:13:54

and i was very very connected into being able to dip into the chaos into the unknown and then like sort of manifest stuff creatively and this is maybe a longer answer the my immature masculine my little boy of course wanted to be powerful wanted to be strong and protect myself in the world and so when i got when i when i got offered roles in hollywood that was my way my little boy immature way to exploit my feminine for money power fame and security and to feel like the man and i realized in that moment that i’d

1:14:49

been essentially prostituting my feminine for my whole adult career wow in order to make myself feel like the man and i i realized [ __ ] like i i need to grow up my i need to have be a strong adult divine masculine not only to to to protect the world but to protect myself from myself so that’s some extreme self-awareness and introspection and also it’s these are all just stories that we’re telling ourselves right yeah i i resonated with that story it became clear to me that that through line that narrative through line and it it feels

1:15:35

true to me and so i was like oh okay so now i’m gonna stop exploiting myself i’m gonna stop doing things just for the money uh just for the power just for the fame and i’m gonna do things that are deeply aligned with my higher self and that’s you cultivating that divine masculine figuring out how to stay on direction keep the structure of where you actually want to go right because my default was the feminine like let me just use this feminine like shape-shifting quality to gain all the things out in the world and

1:16:10

exploit that as opposed to no let me step into my masculine and make decisions about what i’m going to do and what i’m not going to do and take the risk to be better um and and the whole in the whole world this our economic system is designed to seek and exploit that those the parts of us that are willing to be exploited those open fluid characteristics of creativity which are so beautiful and important to hone and like anyone listening to this um you know especially men who are hearing this and like i don’t you know

1:16:45

we think about not wanting to be in our feminine luckily our last call uh with with the men on this call from awakening the king within was largely about determining where you’re in your feminine and where you’re in your masculine and how to be energetically agile between those two things but it’s really beautiful to hear from from you adrian how you were able to kind of notice where you were too deeply in your feminine or in other words exploiting it in some degrees and and the fact that you were able to

1:17:15

recognize that is so huge and i think when we get to that place so much incredible growth and healing happens and that’s when the masculine comes in masculine representing consciousness as well masculine is the one that’s able to become aware of that happening in the first place and then can create the structure needed in order to channel us to where we’re actually trying to go instead of us just being you know floating around the clouds in our feminine state all the time yeah i’m not trying to

1:17:44

reduce my feminine or like put it i i want i appreciate it and i want to protect it and i want to use it for the highest good yeah so yeah so beautiful as you begin answering that question you talked about you were doing that breath work that was really helping you transcend and look at your lineage and how you kind of your feminine lineage especially like the where those uh those energies came from for you and that uh we have a question here about really where your original spiritual work was born like how you

1:18:21

became burst in spiritual work in the first place and i’ve heard other interviews of you or you talk about your upbringing and your mother and so maybe you can just address this question it’s how are you first introduced to the spiritual work you are so versed in now uh i well when i was younger uh my mom was always open to different religions or different spiritual philosophies she was an astrologer for a time we spent some time in an ashram probably six six to eight months uh she was a flower child and um

1:18:58

[Music] so i i was exposed to a lot of different philosophies and ideologies and then i i got into um different books uh different i i had this fantasy that i was gonna bend spoons with my mind yeah i i was very much into the thing like magic and that sort of thing um and then meditation curious about buddhism really responded well to buddhist philosophy and then at a certain point in my early 20s i i abandoned all spiritual pursuit for the indulgences of the flesh and i excelled at that and it was great until now of course i

1:19:43

have come back full circle to to you know go back to where i mean i veered off uh the path so yeah yeah that that does definitely answer that what uh we’re so glad though that you went through all the things even if they were hard or not necessarily the healthiest because they got you to here so we’re grateful yeah thank you glad i survived it yeah i’m glad you survived it exactly so we have a question from mike summers here he says mercedes and jade have talked a bit about allowing your queen to become your

1:20:20

oracle i think you mentioned that today too to some degree adrian and he says with your current partner as opposed to your previous relationships was there any singular moment when you realized you could trust her with this role in your life or was this a gradual realization and he says can you describe this realization from your own perspective the masculine is about discerning choice-making to be able to choose feminine is anything and everything in all the things and then the man says no this is this is it so um

1:21:07

in order to bring all that potential into you know into being the masculine has to choose and that is your opportunity to make that choice so you get to choose who your partner is you get to choose you you’re the one and i’m giving myself to you knowing that nobody’s perfect knowing that no one is going to be you know you’re not looking to mommy to take care of you you’re looking to a woman to serve so once you make that choice it becomes true and it’ll be hard and no relationships can be perfect and

1:21:53

there’s going to be shadow in her and mistrust and she you know she may she may disappoint you she may hurt you that may happen but the the importance is not who you choose but to choose yeah and i think a lot of the resistance that may come from that specific situation is the feeling of she’s trying to change me like she doesn’t love me for who i already am but it’s that realization of she loves me so much that she wants me to be my highest self and to let go of that that uh perspective of she’s trying to change me

1:22:33

and and allow her to be the voice of god in your life because woman is the feminine is intuition and she can feel when you’re off course yeah and and it’s a dance you know you’re you’re i so the analogy that i i like i was like i don’t know if this is relevant um we’ll make it relevant i was like a this a sale on a on a ship and it was flapping around in the wind and the feminine energy the women were like just blowing through me and i was just randomly going in any direction but it wasn’t until i

1:23:15

pulled back on the ropes and i made that sail just firm enough that i was able to harness the energy of that woman and then go somewhere have a direction i love that so it’s not that you know yeah that they may want to change you know i think you just take a look at what they’re you know what what’s being offered but ultimately stand stand firm and and if you know where you stand is appropriate or where you’re embodying your highest self you don’t have to change and but but if you’re not going to change you don’t

1:23:57

need to be um you don’t need to be thrown off if a woman’s making a suggestion you can just sit in it and let them relax because a lot of times we want to react you know right we don’t like like a man just wants things to be over be done so we want to try and fix it but sometimes you just have to sit and let the wind blow you and hold the wind i love that hold the wind fellas all right so what methods did you use to limit your escapisms and to become more sensitive to fueling your body so i think he wants

1:24:38

tangible like any methods that come to mind i know you talked about breath work a little bit yeah meditation i mean breath work but just breath work in every moment i i don’t think i was paying attention to my breath until you just said so yeah um we often just hold our breath all the time yeah so we’re not breathing into our belly how much throughout the day can you bring some awareness to your breath of course um but meditation also does great because you start to you know move your awareness move your mind your consciousness around the

1:25:20

different places in your body and you suddenly like if you focus enough you’ll be able to feel like the sensations on the tip of your finger or on your elbow or a small point on your back and so it is about being able to pass your awareness into your body in different places and get and feel into those sensations um those are yeah those are great yeah those are yeah and then also you know recognizing so i you know sex is like drugs it’s a powerful powerful medicine that can become addictive because it’s so much

1:26:06

that it it’s it’s it’s it’s not subtle at times you know so um if you reduce the amount of uh drugs you take you start to be able to feel more of the subtlety um yeah yeah and that goes for masturbation as well when you’re releasing those chemicals whatever way you get there that is creating a pseudo addiction or something a severe addiction so it is something to definitely look at what your relationship to it is and your tolerance grows so then you have to increase the dose uh but if you reduce

1:26:42

your your tolerance suddenly you’re feeling every little bit every little hypersensitive yeah and that is where a lot of the deliciousness that can come with that comes from is that hype that being able to be sensitive all right so we have one from denny and i’m gonna just speak this one out loud and see what we can pull from it exactly i’m not exactly sure what he’s asking okay you talked about your level of intuition and how the multiple levels of awareness were needed to extract your decisions

1:27:12

did you find or extract shame from it or was it from a place of guilt for past transgressions past trespasses so i think he’s asking you know when you um when you became aware about your needing to you’re needing to communicate with your inner intuition in order to make decisions from an integral place was did you did you he says does you did you extract any shame or guilt and were those you know did you notice that that was coming from past transgression i’m not sure how those two things relate but does something come up

1:27:53

for you there um i i don’t know if i find guilt to be a very useful um emotion um because it’s like shame yeah it’s a shame right uh and there’s something disempowering about it um it’s where you feel guilty there’s nothing you can do um and i don’t know if i’m able to answer the question because i don’t know yeah let me see if i can so so okay first i want to just say like and this is like going to be a little bit of a pushback but just because we just had our our call and we described

1:28:36

the difference between shame and guilt as described actually from mary margrave our intuitive um that shame is this essentially the idea that we are somehow bad innately when we feel shame we actually feel that we are bad and then when we feel guilt or if we can differentiate the two guilt is actually i did something bad and there it makes it revocable it makes it something you can repair you can go back and say i’m sorry or i [ __ ] up or let me change my actions in the future and not do that thing again

1:29:08

so let’s see with denny asking this question he’s asking specifically about um your ability to be intuitive and then that that you so you have an awareness of how intuition is needed in order to create decision or be decisive and then if any of these places that you may have um felt guilt or shame come up in your life were i think dictating where you were going and if you like said hey let me throw that out the window because it’s [ __ ] yeah i mean okay so this is about time and space for me right so

1:29:45

when you feel guilty it’s because you did something in the past bad you’re like damn now that you can’t change it intuition is being able to expand your awareness into future moments or into other people’s experiences outside of yourself so that you can feel what you know might happen if you do something so that you can make a better choice or make a different choice um so guilt is the experience of having done something and intuition is like i now can avoid having to be guilty because i feel that what i’m doing right

1:30:29

now will lead me to a place where i might feel guilty about it whereas before when i wasn’t feeling i would just do the thing it would be terrible destructive whatever and i wouldn’t even feel bad because i wouldn’t feel anything so it was just you know like bulldozing through a forest and tearing down all the trees and all that stuff so it’s like yeah does that does that yeah i think so so coming from now that you can come from a place because you’ve tapped into your body and you’ve tapped into

1:31:05

you know it’s intelligence that also you know flows through us all of us now that you’ve tapped into intuition in order to help you make your decisions you’re not having to sort through shame and um guilt in the same level as you might have allowed those things to direct your life for a long part of your life yeah thank you that’s what she said i think we i think we got there together y’all all right um so let’s see here ryan is asking oh what’s the number one resource you would recommend for men trying to enter

1:31:45

into their king as we call it here or integrated self um yeah i really do believe men need other men we we we raise each other up uh and especially the lack of masculine role models for generations perhaps we’ve lost the initiation initiations yeah um and we’re stumbling through it together and but we we will do it together uh so in many ways i’ve had to raise myself i’ve had to uh from a place of unknowing had to conjure and create those rites of passage for myself and then now with other men we’d do it

1:32:37

for each other yeah absolutely so find men find men that you respect that you know by how they show up by how they express themselves are looking to create uh you know to serve the world and and make a better world and get with them and and those kinds of people will not will embrace you yes and that’s a sometimes it seems like a big task and the next question that’s being asked here is how do you recommend building up the courage to join a men’s group and is there a place i can start yeah and it’s and it’s hard it is hard

1:33:12

uh when i first joined my men’s group uh you know i just i kept wanting to stay quiet or not contribute and i was embarrassed and shy and scared and and not having grown up with brothers or sisters and i was always afraid like being raised by a single mom i was afraid of male attention because it was often aggressive i didn’t have a horse play so to be with other men that are like strong and powerful is intimidating uh and and i i know and i know that personally so it can be but stick stick with it and wreck and know

1:33:51

as we were talking about before they need you to show up we need you we need you to show up so please i love that and jade i believe we have a on our resource list and awakening the king within some men’s groups that we believe deeply in because either our partners are in them or uh we have talked to the men or know the men well who guide the course or guide the uh men’s workshops so there are less threatening you can do an online one where they meet on zoom like conor beaton’s or um the at least a star

1:34:26

right yeah and i would just say that there you know there’s nothing more brave than being vulnerable like if you could truly be vulnerable and be seen in in your weakness and we’re all we all have that right you know that gives not only it’s it’s a relief to allow yourself to be vulnerable but also it gives the other men an opportunity to show up and we all want to feel like we’re you know we have value to add in the world we want to be of service that’s where like our true sense of purpose comes from so when you

1:35:02

are vulnerable and you allow other men to hold you and to show up for you you’re doing them a favor also so it’s a mutual benefit absolutely so beautiful and it is the way that you as a man can be a light in the world of other people and you’ll do it for others exactly and i mean whatever you need in order to motivate yourself but that’s such a huge motivator like hey i’m actually helping others by showing up in this workshop in this men’s group and speaking my truth and being vulnerable

1:35:33

um and sometimes we need to do it for others before we can love ourselves enough to do it for ourselves so i love that you are being such a beautiful example of this too and i’m so thankful you have decided to come on our show i know we’ve been this has been in the making for so long and i’m it’s like kind of you know the universe is designed to have you here while right in the middle of our men’s workshop because this is what we wanted to talk to you about thank you adrian for being a light thank

1:36:01

you thank you yeah long time coming um thank you yeah i’m so proud of the man that you’ve become and i’m so thankful for everything that you’re doing and so thankful for just you said it yourself like it takes bravery i’m so thankful for your bravery yeah can we have lunch we’re gonna have lunch catch up we’re gonna go eat pizza at a kid’s birthday party amazing all right guys so if you’ve been watching this thank you so much for joining us and you know that our next call is coming up on tuesday uh

1:36:34

that’ll be at six pm pacific standard time and we’ll send you a zoom link out that you can catch in your email of course and then anyone listening on the magic hour podcast you know what to do we only grow by you guys giving us those ratings and reviews we it lights up our life whenever we see one come through so please rate us five stars and send us a review that’s how apple podcasts put us puts us out on the world gives us some reach so love you guys thank you for being here and you know you can catch another one

1:37:06

of our episodes in our podcast library now otherwise we release one every monday all right guys we will catch you next monday until then be alive all right yeah