(00:00) hopefully we can get it once okay recording greetings boys and babes it’s the magic hour a place where we navigate through life’s peaks and valleys with all the vulnerability and shamelessness we can muster with the help of world-class guests from all walks of life we uncover new truths and valuable tools for manifesting our highest potential i’m your host mercedes tarot along with my partner in shine jade rice hey you guys we’ve got a really good episode for you today it’s all about freeing yourself from sexual

(00:33) shame it’s crazy to me that like some people shame others for their sexuality and then others are like you know in groups where what like groups like what our guest today leads in is like um you know where they come together and celebrate their sexuality even around certain kinks or fetishes and things like bondage so i always wonder what it is that sets people on either path such polarizing paths too yeah it’s crazy and it’s definitely to do with you know like we always say the domestications that brought them to who

(01:03) they are today but yeah i mean for instance my background makes me have this like shame core specifically around sexuality especially because of the religious you know family i grew up in on my grandparents side too yeah oh so there’s just all kinds of different facets that can create that in a person and so i think it is really interesting i’m i’m interested to see what our guest has to say about her own upbringing because she’s so free you know in that nature um and i know there’s going to be a lot of

(01:36) important information that we get into today and i think for my own sex life i really want to work on intimacy especially in the bedroom so um i’m excited to see what our guest has to offer yeah me too let’s get her on our guest today spent over 20 years as a trial attorney and social justice lobbyist who owned her own law office she walked away at the height of her career to fulfill her mission to support healthy sexuality and relationship as an intimacy coach she is also a professionally certified surrogate partner a certified tantra

(02:13) practitioner a certified conscious uncoupling coach a yoga teacher and specializes in feminine dominance and passionate bonds she is an advisor at the school of consent and a wheel of consent workshop facilitator river organizes the sacred sexuality austin meetup in the east austin kinksters and hosts the uncaged love blog in the surrogate partner salon she promotes the evolution of humanity through healthy love sex and intimacy river whoring welcome to the magic hour i’m just going to take out yoga teacher

(02:44) it doesn’t fit it’s a little weird huh yeah like he’s a tantra practitioner a yoga teacher she specializes in bondage i don’t know should i maybe say on this on the milder side she’s a she happens to be a yoga teacher and on the not so mild side her long list of credentials looks like this yeah that’s surrogate partner yoga teacher um okay but then again they call all these or i hear justin and london call the yoga of sexuality yeah and the yoga of intimacy the yoga of instamacy that’s what i

(03:34) meant um so it is a yoga is that what she’s speaking to or she’s like a real yoga teacher oh that’s a good question um let me see also i’m gonna say she instead of remember that first time so that river roaring is the first time we see our name she said 8 p.m question mark on her email back so that’s your time right yeah your time we are ready for you now if you’d like to log on i wonder if um like because i’m

(04:39) ovulating i wonder if that’s the best time that i had founded this out you know because it’s my my number one emotion right now is anger and i i i rather feel anger than um devastation my anger is definitely first oh it is always no i mean just like this situation inspire no i mean it just inspires anger and later it might be like so angry yeah like annoyed frustrated angry and then some i’m i’m angry and disappointed and then i’ll like randomly sob and then i’ll be like get ahold of yourself

(05:19) and then i’m angry again but yeah the poor kids too they’re so attached to him like really really attached to him and they’re really attached to brody and i just didn’t think that there was any danger to saying we were moving in and like us being excited about that i didn’t think there was any danger like i felt extremely safe i wonder i know i wonder why paul celix said it wouldn’t blow up in my face and i wonder why the medicine said that we weren’t going to hurt each other my only guess is that all the teachers

(05:57) wanted me to feel like they didn’t want me to be scared they needed me to be open so that’s just the message that i got because it was the message i needed um oh we’re still recording fyi no it’s fine okay john’s seen worse yeah when i met john i was in a the relationship with the john saw that welt on my face oh yeah welch whatever he saw it in person well i remember walking in and he was like your face like he didn’t know what to think because there was just this huge yeah so this is mild

(06:45) i don’t know hi oh hey i’m so sorry i was stuck in the preview box hey jay how are you mine’s skipping a little bit okay there you are all right am i freezing for you what’s up everyone’s frozen oh i’m not okay it must be mercedes becca um i wish i could get your you’re frozen i could go to your you and i end up for that i’m committed to that but yes maybe that means something yeah yeah that’s actually that’s actually true oh thing in your teeth i’ll tell her that she’s frozen

(07:46) i think it’s so awesome i think i’m coming back oh there you are okay there you are good i wonder what happened was your your wi-fi low i have no idea what’s going on but i want to make sure it’s weird because it just happened right when you popped on river um oh it’s never happened before your lighting looks fine by the way yeah oh good i’m glad you feel that way good this is all i’ve got it’s like everything on yeah it looks good good i don’t think it’s like the best but mainly the podcast is

(08:22) audio right yeah this is just for promo use so it’ll be like little clips and we use stock footage sometimes too so mercedes you’re not frozen anymore okay good i just was texting chris to make sure that he’s not touching the router downstairs or anything because it was it’s never done that before it was like really yeah weird on my end um like you guys were like digitally talking it was like one word would take three minutes to come across it was weird oh yeah yeah okay so i look good on this end otherwise we are

(08:54) still recording so that should be fine okay hi how are you sorry sorry i was m.i.a there for a moment so we’ll read your um your bio and then we’ll start asking you questions okay let’s do it okay cool our guest today spent over 20 years as a trial attorney and social justice lobbyist who owned her own law office she walked away at the height of her career to fulfill her mission to support healthy sexuality and relationship as an intimacy coach she is also a professionally certified surrogate partner a certified tantra

(09:29) practitioner a certified conscious uncoupling coach on the milder side she’s a yoga teacher and on the not so milder side she specializes specializes in feminine dominance and passionate bonds she is an advisor at the school of consent and a wheel of consent workshop facilitator she organizes the sacred sexuality austin meetup and the east austin kinksters and hosts the uncaged love blog in a surrogate partner salon she promotes the evolution of humanity through healthy love sex and intimacy river warring welcome to the magic hour

(10:05) thank you i’m so happy to be here i’m really honored yeah we’re excited it’s so wonderful you guys are doing well thank you thank you our um for our guest um our previous uh guest or sorry for our listeners our previous guest peter craig who we’ve had on twice um he’s the one that really wanted us to have river on and and the more we looked her up the more we were like yeah we got to do it so we’re so excited here we are yeah so river why the switch from being a powerful lawyer at the texas capitol due

(10:39) to becoming an intimacy coach because that’s such a big switch it is a big switch you know i grew up without spirituality i i was grown up i was raised in a religion but i didn’t it didn’t make sense to me so i really was an atheist and i had one of those big fallout moments one of those black holes you know i was in my law career and things were pretty much going well for the career and for politics i was a super hardcore activist and all of a sudden it just felt like nothing had any meaning and i sat there

(11:19) for like a year in a space with blankness just like what i felt like everything about life was really stupid and boring and dumb and like nothing made nothing got me excited anymore i just felt like life was so meaningless and then after a year of sitting around doing almost nothing uh just waiting what i decided was i don’t want to do anything anymore that doesn’t have meaning and i’m not going to do anything else until it has meaning so all i would do is get up and go to work and come home and just sit in my living room until

(11:53) waiting for something to have meaning and it was a year of that before i literally was like well wait a minute at least my sexual fantasies at least interest me you know at least mildly and i and at least i get a little tingly feeling in my body when i have a sexual fantasy and then i i don’t know it all just came clear to me that my fantasies have always been kinky they’ve always been dominant submissive type themes and i typed in austin bdsm into the computer back there in 2006 or five and all this stuff came up and there was the

(12:34) whole kink community and it was suddenly like whoa i feel something in my body like i’ve got to follow this at least something is exciting me something is meaningful in some way even if it is my sexual fantasy so i went into that world and couldn’t believe how wonderful it was and how i had never spoken before about my fantasies to anyone wow but all of a sudden i was in an environment where they were nothing you know totally not judged for it they were mild if anything in that really oh yeah so it was like wow i’m just so

(13:14) relieved i felt like i could really be myself and then i started thinking i wonder what other subcultures or communities are here in austin you know how did i not know about these thousands of people getting together yeah i didn’t know until i wrote your bio really well now it’s like 40 or 50 000 people in austin holy moly in the kink world oh my god so that was before fetlife and so then at that point i started thinking well i’m going to find every subculture in austin there’s got to be more stuff going on

(13:46) and i did and uh one of those was the toltec path oh yeah and at that time heather ash amara yeah we’ve had her on also you’ve had heather ashland yeah twice we love her i didn’t see that she’s so dear to me i saw her last weekend uh and when i saw her for the first time my heart just opened yeah she has an effect oh and i just i spent five years with she and raven apprenticing and taking every course and workshop and everything they do yeah so i went to her last workshop in austin oh did you that’s so cool yeah yeah i

(14:23) was really deep in that community when they were here and so well i guess what i’m saying is that just it was my sexuality that started the excitement and then the inquiry into what else is there and i found ash really close to that early time and so then my spirituality and my sexuality started blossoming together you know really opening up at the same time and so after years of it was five years i think into my spiritual cleaning that spirit gave me the message and just like you’re here to be a sexual healer i

(14:59) can remember exactly where i was we were in ritual and toltec i was laying down on the floor and i remember sitting up like oh my god i know i know everything i know everything i know everything i need to do from now on and since that moment i really haven’t done anything but pursue this purpose and so it i knew you know i need to find a way to get the training i need i need to find a way to start a business a different business and then i’m going to need to find a way to close down this law practice and it’s

(15:30) all going to take a long time but that’s fine you know so actually it took a few more years from that decision point to get more training to start seeing clients and to close the business at the law practice but it was no competition you know it was no competition because i had realized that doing divorce and custody lawsuits at the courthouse was so destructive so harmful yeah and i just by that time i had been doing it over 20 years and i realized just realizing i don’t want any part of this anymore yeah and when i started as a

(16:08) lawyer i thought divorce was something that we just all had to do we wanted to end a marriage and that’s just the way to do it and i thought i was just serving in a kind of a needed capacity but by the end of it i realized no no there’s other ways to do this and this is just awful i can’t imagine a worse thing to do with a family who wants to transition than go to court hmm you know yeah what are the what are the alternates that you came upon after going through that four what are the alternates you came upon

(16:43) specifically i mean this is like a sideline to what we plan to talk to you about today but yeah to divorce a court and to family court and that type of thing what are some better options well a distant way away is in the netherlands they don’t even have any court or lawyers in their divorces they literally just and they don’t understand our system they’re like why would you hire someone and pay money to fight with your lover it does and when you think about it that doesn’t even make sense yeah and i

(17:14) remember looking at people my clients and thinking you used to sleep with him like why are you giving me all of your savings right now to try to kill him right now this is the last person you’ve won and this is the father of your children right uh so there’s other systems where they don’t even use court for splitting up in custody and then in america at least we have some things now like conscious uncoupling which is i went and got certified in that which is a an actual methodical process to take couples through breaking up in a way

(17:47) that brings everyone up to a higher level okay yeah wow you can go to court and you can just fill the paperwork out you don’t need a lawyer you know because once you agree with how things should be with your partner done it’s done it’s just paperwork it’s just a couple hundred dollars and a couple documents right yeah wow well you had to take the long way to get to that conclusion yeah i’m curious um mercedes uh was like divorce stuck out to her kink stuck out to me so i’m curious what like

(18:23) what’s an example of like maybe a mild kink and then like the one like an extreme kink okay that’s a great question i love talking about it kink to me is a um non-normative sexual excitement and to me that’s a really broad range and so one thing i don’t like is how kink gets so pigeonholed into just like kind of one look like with a certain kind of outfit and one kind of activity which involves a lot of pain a lightweight kink might be something like submitting or dominating or a power exchange that just has to do with let’s

(19:05) say dinner you know you can be at dinner and enter into a one-hour long power exchange and just have one person be the one who everything is going to be for for that hour and the other person if they want to agree to submit to what’s asked of them there you go you’re actually having a kink dynamic because you’re in power exchange is it i was gonna say is it always is kink always revolving or revolving around sexual polarity or that type of power struggle you know it’s funny because most kink involves a power exchange okay

(19:44) not all kink is sex necessarily the way i do it is but some people involve engage in kink in ways like for instance tying rope there are lots of people who play with rope and it may not end in a sexual episode okay but they got uh aroused during the rope play the more what did you where did you use jade um deeper drastic kink oh minor and more extreme more extreme kink is definitely what i would think of would be more edge play and when people say edge play and pink they’re actually usually talking about on the edge of your life

(20:26) like you could die yeah like if it was it’s more extreme could die yeah it’s more extreme goes into that category you want to be like very very careful very careful who your partner is yeah what’s going on and how you’re going to play with that so you have to feel really safe at first as a core or maybe you don’t i don’t know like maybe you like not the feeling of it being unsafe yeah i assume both ways yeah this is such a cool thing what’s and it’s kind of amazing until you try it it’s hard to

(21:00) imagine i what i found is that it’s amazing how many things that i can feel are real when i’m in a role play that’s what kind of amazes me so we can set up a safe environment and a safe container and with safe agreements and i know my partner’s going to be safe and we have all these really safe agreements with one another but within that safe container i can dive down into a role play that i’m not safe and it is amazing how much my body and my psyche can learn and go through the real seemingly real experience of being

(21:41) unsafe it’s interesting mercedes and i have gotten um a handful of emails over the years uh with job offers and some of them there is a guy i remember that emailed us once asking if we would beat him up like it was a turn on for him and with each bone we broke he’d give us a thousand dollars i don’t know if you remember this mercedes like a decade ago there’s some strange ones that have come through yeah i mean there’s the usual like will you pee on me this type of stuff it’s like the common stuff but

(22:07) that one always stuck out to me and i remember though the night i got this email i cried myself to sleep because i thought what happened to this poor man that he wants to get beat up to feel arousal and i was so and my roommates were like get over it let the man be turned on like leave him alone let him have his fetish you know his kink but um i i think at the i mean i was only like 26 at the time but i think at the time i kind of felt like because of sexual shame maybe that if you had kinks or um uh fetishes like that that um

(22:41) something bad must have happened to you basically yeah i mean for me i don’t play in a way that is there’s any permanent damage you know of any kind and with that guy perhaps he really meant it perhaps he was getting off on the role play of it you know himself going that extreme like that yeah yeah i see i um we were also curious how you got your interesting name yeah oh my interesting name comes from the dao okay and um are you guys familiar with the dao da ching yeah and all that and in high school i got so lucky and had a

(23:22) philosophy course in high school and got exposed to a lot of different ideas and i really loved the dow the most back then and i still really do as a spiritual which is follow nature and the dow is also known as the way and the way another synonym for that is the river okay so my name is river oh so your first name is not river by birth i figured river was your birth name and then you just added warring and roaring was a nickname i got in toltec circles okay how cool my legal last name is deliano okay yeah cool i like so it’s hard to say fast though

(24:05) river roaring river yeah especially for me i struggle with ours um so also uh your job descriptions are all very intriguing and but most listeners probably haven’t heard of some of them before could you explain what a surrogate partner does as well as a conscious uncoupling coach i’d love to conscious uncoupling coach is a little bit simpler in a way is that we literally guide people through a beautiful deep soul-searching process to uncouple from your partner in a way that allows you to drop the old patterns that we’re no longer serving

(24:46) you and come into a totally new way of looking at the whole relationship and yourself so that you can really get that confidence and that vision and intention for your future with or without the person a lot of people feel like conscious uncoupling is a breakup process which it kind of is tailored to that but i know a lot of people have consciously uncoupled and then gotten back together because what they did was they dropped all the old unhealthy patterns and then they realized they still wanted to be together mm-hmm so that was really cool

(25:20) the same partner is really where my heart is and i do that most that’s the thing i do the most one-on-one with people and a surrogate partner is a substitute partner and so the program was designed by masters and johnson back in the 50s but it’s been modernized quite a bit and it’s designed for people who are in sex therapy and they’re chatting with their sex therapist about their issues but for some reason they’re really not able to get out there and practice all the solutions with other you know with partners

(25:58) a lot of times they have intense social anxiety and a lot of times i have like super late life virgins who just have no experience and they feel frozen and unable to get out there and get a partner so with their therapist and them i step in as a substitute partner and i literally teach them all the skills of intimate partnership from communication to emotional um expression all the way through into sexual expression and take a person who was formerly unable to get into a partnership and hopefully turn out a person who is a

(26:40) wonderful lover and partner and can teach others how to be wonderful lovers and partners it’s really the most satisfying one-on-one work i do wow that’s pretty really touching to see i mostly work with men and it’s real that’s what i was wondering yeah i have had some women clients but it is mostly men who seek this out right now and i’ve seen such gorgeous transformations you know all the way from their posture changes their careers change and their career starts taking off and everything about them changes they have

(27:19) changed the way they dress the way they walk it’s just so beautiful to see so how does that work what do you what are some of the the techniques you use in that work is it about um you know stroking their ego to a certain degree and allowing them to feel finally safe around a female or to feel like they could approach someone to potentially have um you know be able to court somebody something like that just for the beginning stages what does it look like well i guess you may have heard about the wheel of consent which is another

(27:53) workshop i offer and i think peter talked about it i um so i take the clients through the wheel of consent first one-on-one and the wheel of consent is a way of learning about yourself and your body’s desire and how to listen to your body’s desire and follow that not your mind okay now most of us are used to thinking about sexual desire as something that is in our mind like oh when i think of sex i think of all these either porn scenes or i think of a certain look that i like i wonder why we’re conditioned that way

(28:31) where can we well our whole culture is built on the mind right so and it shows out sexuality and it certainly suppress the body and embodiment and sexuality all at once so it’s not a surprise that when we come and try to do sex we’re all caught up in our minds because that’s all we’re given and so unfortunately that’s not where sexuality lives so yeah a lot of people trying to connect with these like mental images of sexuality it’s not even where it lives anyway so there ends up being no

(29:04) connection at all so the wheel of consent allows a person to really find the desire that’s inside their own body you know a lot of the social anxiety and performance anxiety also that men feel is really based on a lot of monkey mind you know it’s really based on just a lot of worrying and a lot of thought going on about what they should be doing and what other people yeah that’s true with them and it’s what the whole external world is putting on them as pressure and so i let them get let go of all the external world and

(29:41) focus in on your own body find out what you love and want and then find really clear safe ways to express that and get that and when any human finds that in themselves any human they become very sexy you know and very confident yeah i could use this work on myself and so how does it work when it comes to the sexual acts how do you coach them in that or do you yeah yeah we sure do and the wheel of consent again it’s like a base to start from because in that we learn the four beautiful ways of touch that betty martin outlines

(30:24) and we learn to figure out who it’s for when we’re touching so what we can learn things by touching each other’s hands that actually completely makes sense in the bedroom when things are hot and heavy even in a multi-person orgy the same principles apply so one thing i like to point out is like a lot of times in our current culture the typical way say in austin texas you’ve got tons of one-night stands happening i’m sure there are like 100 the number one dating city in america yeah yeah everywhere and what’s

(31:04) typically going on is um let’s say man and woman the man gets together with the woman and they go back to someone’s home and suddenly both of them want to get out their best moves that they’ve ever learned right and show the other one of cool moves they’ve got and the man is actually contrary to popular belief usually really trying hard to figure out how to please the female and push her buttons and you know get her happy and the female is usually in service to the man trying to make sure that everything is

(31:44) cool there and so what you have is two people interacting with touch and nobody has their own desire in the mix and so you have two people trying to like please one another and therefore nobody’s desires being met at all and it causes a lot of a lot of conflict and friction and also a lot of awkwardness yeah fusion right because it’s awkward yeah so a couple of things we talk in the wheel of consent is number one the most important thing is knowing who is this for so let’s just say like jade if i’m going

(32:21) to enter into a touch with you who is it for we need to know that if it’s for me then i don’t want to hear from you other than your limit so anytime i hit a limit of yours i want to know that and in the wheel of consent the limit is known when anything in your body clinches up when you’re no longer giving from an open heart so if i were going to be touching jade it’d be like jay man i touch you for five minutes and whenever you start to clinch up or close down in any way and you’re no longer giving with an open heart will

(32:54) you let me know okay as long as we have that agreement i can have freedom to do what i really want to do now if i said jade now can i touch you for you and if she did say yes then what would i do what would you do yeah jade would have to tell you what most people think is like this is where i’ll get out all my cool moves and i’ll show the other person how i can do things to them that make them so excited because i’m doing it for them but in the wheel of consent what we say is actually you don’t have a [ __ ] idea what the

(33:34) other person wants until you ask them so if i said jay kind of touched you for you and she did say yes i said great what would you like so we rarely have those kind of pure interactions in the typical sex world right true that’s really true yeah yeah so we can learn that on hands and with clothes on but then when we get because when our when we get naked or we start touching genitals or we have more people involved then the intensity rises and it’s a lot harder to stay in our internal practice when the intensity

(34:09) rises and so we want to learn these principles in really safe places right you know i wonder if massages are a good way to practice because it’s almost like you have to tell them how much deep tissue you want and what part of your body needs it the most you know well that is one possible way to practice in a massage scenario you’re usually it’s even though i’m getting a misogynist for me i’m usually handing over a lot of the expertise to them because they’re training some technique right so

(34:38) i’m like it’s for me but do what you do right um but yeah so it takes a lot of work um on the person’s part that’s receiving as well because they’ve got to be able to voice all that for me that’s the scariest thing you’ve said so far is having to ask for what you want and that’s probably a big pcc in your work getting people to be comfortable with that is a major effort especially did you see it more in women than men that being an issue actually no it’s even it’s interesting how the culture works

(35:11) differently on the two genders but that is even in the wheel of consent one of the practices we do is we i put up on the board why don’t we ask for what we want just do it right now like what are some reasons just a few reasons that we don’t have what we want because we’re afraid that we won’t get it and then we’ll feel ashamed about asking in the first place we’ll feel rejected yeah not valued yeah any other shame maybe also there’s something for me i think um i’m worried i’ll seem selfish

(35:42) right like i’m there to serve i feel a pressure to be there for what i can give and not what i can take that’s a common reason or what if we ask for the thing and then it doesn’t give us the satisfaction we were hoping it does and now i don’t know what that means at the end of that sentence but yeah that’s another great common reason there are so many reasons and then we go through some of us just expect them to already know right that’s true yes and so then that’s what the next question is

(36:13) what do we do instead of asking we just don’t ask and then we just hope they figure it out exactly so then that might turn into pouting but it’s also i think why men we’ve said it before why men don’t ask us what we like because they feel a pressure to already know because we put that pressure on them like you should already know what i want what i need yeah exactly yeah toxic masculinity eggs we’re breeding it into the men so if we can set these scenarios up more then each person can practice finding

(36:43) their own desire and getting what they truly deeply want and um another thing i love that you said mercedes is that i don’t know of anything more vulnerable or scary than asking for what i want and especially when we get in the bedroom because if i go down into my truest deepest desires it might freak someone out yeah so i mean that is very scary and risky to give that other person what i what i want because now they’re really going to know me and see me they may run screaming they may judge me um if i’m in a long-term relationship i

(37:22) may risk the relationship um we recently recently recorded with a guest that brought up the gottman cards and they their sex questions and it’s a really um makes it even though it is kind of a sacred talk it kind of makes it a more casual way to talk about what turns you on um yeah so helpful tool for yeah having that discussion but for me i think too it’s about like like i’ve asked for things i wanted before and i’ve taken that vulnerable step and you know found a safe filling time to ask for those

(37:56) things and then ask for them and they don’t happen so then you feel this like floating rejection that every time you’re in the sick circumstance where it could be potent where i want it to happen and it’s not now it’s like do i have to ask again during sex or during the time when that would be where i want it to happen and it becomes now i’m like just always on the verge of rejection because it’s not happening so i’m feeling this floating rejection does that make sense what i’m saying here at all

(38:27) well what it seems like is you’ve asked it either the person either said no or ignored it or somehow didn’t give it to you and then it just feels like maybe you’re um it’s one of those like well i don’t want to do that again yeah no and it’s the conversation is always open-ended where it’s not like a hard no it’s not like a um there’s never a no it’s just doesn’t actually happen so that’s you know and i’m sure that happens guys probably listening have the same ideas you know

(39:00) they’ve got their own ideas of things they want that don’t end up happening and it’s not even i don’t like if i put myself in this flipped position and someone asked me hey i want to try this thing i want to do this thing and then we get into a circumstance where it could happen if they don’t prompt me then then i probably will stay in my comfort zones and like do the things that i’m interested in and but i i think if you do like you’re saying earlier if you set aside time for you and your partner to like do this

(39:28) trade of who’s gonna dictate what’s happening you know to to the person that’s getting the pleasure happening for them at the moment and then swap that so everybody gets a very equal amount of time that could be a good way to walk that into yeah i don’t know that’s so true even after all these years of what i’ve been doing i still sometimes set the timer with lovers just oh wow like that yeah just for games like that like let’s just do this for 20 minutes both ways just for fun and crazy

(39:56) stuff comes out yeah like because it’s now it’s like a game and you got to try something new and try something different you know whatever you’ve been thinking about but not really like conjuring the energy to really put it out there yet exactly so when you were mentioning that um when you first in 2005 2006 or whatever it was when you s you typed into google you know austin kink and you noticed that your kinks did not even hold a candle to anything else that was going on out there would you tell us

(40:30) what your kinks were at that time oh i have no problem with that there’s still i know that i was going to say well they’re still there they’ve added a lot on yeah um yeah no mine are my situation that i’ve fantasized about my entire i’ve literally never had a fantasy that wasn’t pinky to this day ever from the minute i can remember man i feel so plain jane you may be surprised if you look closer at yours i don’t know but they all involve ruby rose heard you mention her i know i’m gonna watch myself if i shouldn’t

(41:06) cuss on this no you’re fine you’re fine i’ll put a list on it don’t worry um oh yeah my i’ve always had a fantasy that i am submitting to an authority figure who you know and so and i do things for them out of curiosity and um and desire that i couldn’t otherwise express myself but they’re suggesting i do things that i really do want to do yeah um so it’s a kind of it’s i’ve never had a fantasy where i was cut up or hurt or beat or flogged or whipped not really not really involving pain at all i’ve learned to

(41:53) really enjoy some sensation play with pain a lot but um but my or mine are psychological my um desires have to do with a devotion and worship kind of atmosphere okay a lot of times and so if like even when i play sometimes someone be like well tie me up i’m like no you keep your hands there you know like you you you should i want you to want to do what i say and do it because you’re going to do it because you want to you know what i mean i don’t need to have to tie you yeah that’s very psychological not so physical

(42:38) i use a few toys but my more interesting place is psychological yeah i get that so i i wonder too that you know jay just said she feels like a plain jane but we all have different starting points you know and i wonder do you see any kind of pattern or psychology 2 the way that people come to you as clients maybe where you can see that their starting point was kind of almost predictable because they came from this background whereas someone who might be more you know extreme with their fetish or their kink came from a totally different

(43:16) upbringing domestication yeah it’s a good question you know to being this way now that’s the one yeah what i have seen is that um our kink fantasies are they’re they’re actually like symbols and our kink fantasies are kind of like nighttime dreams okay you know and you know how when you have a nighttime dream they can seem kind of confusing to reality but there may be many people who could help you interpret that toward different parts of your reality so in other words i have never seen a direct court just a line drawn between

(43:58) like you had this kind of childhood you have this kind of fantasy it’s more of a puzzle to start unwinding and inquiring into what the deeper themes are in the fantasies and how they might relate yeah the workshops that peter and i are doing right now erotic foundations one and two we’re going into the work of the erotic mind by jack morin the book and the wheel of consent and we and in that book jack morin he really has an intriguing idea which is that we can heal ourselves through our peak sexual experiences

(44:34) and that some of our fantasies are symbols of our most painful emotional challenges as children wow eroticized and when i think of for instance and so being able to do those is healing is what yeah like we’ve had this very difficult emotional challenge as a child and then not directly in a super linear way that’s really simple to understand but if we look at it long enough we can see how it kind of twisted into this like a nighttime dream way yeah of changing into eroticizing the opposite of that pain

(45:15) and in this sense we have control over it whereas we didn’t the other time yeah exactly so now like for instance i can’t enter into a situation where i’m dominated in real life and i agree to do it with a partner who i have all these safety measures around right and it may seem like i’m giving up my power but it can be an act of power to put myself in a vulnerable position through my own power and my own agreement and i know exactly when i can stop it when i say it stops and so i’m taking power over the

(45:52) vulnerable position that i may have used to fill as a child and just cried over it and collapsed yeah it makes total sense so so when you do that let’s say you’re working through by the way is this is there any better reason to give to work through your traumas besides like finding your kinks and then going after them um i like that as motivation yeah the more fun healing method i’m over here trying to tell people to journal there’s like that’s funny motivation behind that compared to your way of doing it river

(46:25) like um but i was wondering if as we use a tool like that to work through these um maybe traumas i want to call it i don’t know if that’s too extreme of a word sometimes maybe it’s not extreme enough but as we work through these places that are from our past and um hold some sort of uh turbulence for us do we less like does the kink that held that trauma or wanted you know our subconscious was trying to work through that trauma through does it begin to recede at all or is it in an always kink is it a perpetual kink

(47:08) that is a really beautiful question and through my own life experience and in also hearing from other people what i who’ve had the same kind of thing they say i went into this kink world like i said way back then and i acted that role out over and over in you know slightly different variations i acted that one out for years actually in different variations and uh and it was thrilling you know it was totally thrilling and then i believe it did start to dissipate a bit okay and the thrill of it and now that i’ve found the jack marin

(47:48) book i do believe that i can also remember i told you i found my spirituality at the same time so i was developing my spiritual life also at the same time and so i believe that both through opening and cleaning my energy with heather ash as well as living out this fantasy over and over i was healing on both sides and that it’s kind of because i stand right now in a different relationship to those old past wounds yeah that i now stand in a different relationship to that exact scene in kink and it will always be a home base for me

(48:24) right you know like there are certain things you can do that just get me turned on in one minute if it’s done well right and i’ve also it’s almost like it moved it it got a chance to happen over and over i lived it out i’ve explored it right and it’s like it opened a door to allow new things in for sure so then i went down the stage a whole new road of new fantasies came in you know yeah i get it yeah and so it’s just like a journey a constant journey to explore whoa i wonder why i’m having that desire

(48:56) now that is wild and i wonder what that ties back to that’s so cool yeah it’s really fascinating um it’s really fascinating it’s like it’s like reaching a you know a goal in a video game and then it unlocks a whole new world after that in a sense but it’s really cool that you can tie it to healing and i think even because a lot of the time intimacy is partnered you know and it involves another person that if you can find a way to know the person you’re with psyche be open enough to talk about the kink and

(49:31) figure out how they relate it’s probably a really cool place to hold the type of therapy that you’re doing i mean you’re doing this work essentially you’re breaking into the psyche by using sexuality and it’s really beautiful so i love it yeah now i’m going to become obsessed look at what’s happening right now your your original kink was your gateway drug and then once again i just can’t stop i guess um i want to talk to you about what exactly it means to be sex positive well now that word is for me

(50:06) simply that i believe our sexuality is a positive life force it’s really kind of that simple in today’s world the people in my circles who i’m around that’s a given okay it’s just like i know that but it doesn’t take far for me to find people who wouldn’t agree with that such as my mother right you know so there are i think it just is a division between people who see sex as scary and awful and a sin that’s not sex positivity and so simply saying sex positive is people who agree that it is a positive

(50:41) force and open to talking about it and how do you think that we are held back like through society shaming our sexuality specifically for men and women in different ways oh my gosh oh my gosh if it’s okay i would really love to talk about men on this one okay um and because i do not value men more than women but i do believe that women’s issues are currently now finally being discussed more and i’m glad we’ve had a microphone for a little while yeah yeah yeah well i’m glad and we’re not done

(51:22) but i do look over toward men now at this moment in time and i have a lot of empathy for their situation and so this is how i see our society harming men if you don’t mind me going on a little thing here as well yeah i’m going to give you the quick pieces and you can decide if you want to talk about anything i’m going to say a little more okay we would i just want to also just set the stage for this because i have no idea what you’re about to say but just the energy i’m feeling from what you’re about to say we on this

(51:53) podcast specifically uh you know jade and i have been models for a long part of our career so of course we’ve attracted a lot of eyes from men so they have been a big support system in our lives and finding a way to bridge the gap between what’s happening in the world right now with the feminist movement the metoo movement everything like that but also understanding that men are going through this transition with us and need to be supported in all of what’s happening there yeah really important part of the show so yeah

(52:23) and i didn’t mean like we’ve had like i didn’t mean that we didn’t deserve the mics that we have i just met like the whole me too movement we’ve gotten we’ve been able to speak our voice a lot in this last year and it’s done some good and some bad i’m really really glad that you know that that movement has happened but i do think that probably what you’re about to say we’re just we’re just projecting everything i’ll just let you start talking we’re looking over the edge

(52:50) before i say something wrong because yeah i’m totally anti-patriarchy but what that actually i believe patriarchy has harmed men and exactly as much as women it’s it’s actually harming everybody and so this is how i think we treat men and i’m going to talk about the united states of america because that’s the only country i really know um this is what we do first of all the day after they’re born we cut the most sensitive part of their genitals off for no reason and can we get probably a lot of people

(53:22) debating that but we will not we would not tolerate genital mutilation of females in the united states right and i have teaming i’m teaming up with morgan taylor to present a movie screening of american circumcision on him yeah i’m really passionate about that i i’ll help you promote that we’ve got to get real about what that does to a child traumatically pre-verbally when we and that is the most sensitive part of their entire bodies if you look at nerve ending count per square inch it that is insane okay and so we cut their

(54:00) sensitive part off and now today i heard a complaint men aren’t sensitive and i just i get really mad okay that’s number one that’s the starting of their life then after that we don’t apologize for that there’s never a time later where we’re like you know i’m sorry did you really want that let’s never acknowledged which just like what trauma does is when it’s unacknowledged it just stays there and builds and sits and festers and creates problems right but here’s my big one i have never heard

(54:35) anyone else talk about this but it’s just driving me crazy after that as soon as they can understand language we tell little boys don’t show your boner in public so do not have an erection 99 of your life so you can’t have it in school church really don’t do it at home if mom doesn’t want to see it don’t do it um even with a girlfriend until it’s just that magic time don’t let your body have its natural movement movement and motion and don’t do that and so what i don’t think we realize

(55:14) that when we hold their body down we hold their emotions and their thought processes down as well because a man is going to try to interpret that as i can’t feel aroused 99 of my life so like i can go to the grocery and be totally juiced up and which i do and i can live juicy you know i can go just be like love how the butterflies look and the wind feels on my skin and feel really turned on all day long but a guy 99 of his life does not have that and i am getting really burned up about that because then we turn to men and

(55:55) criticize them oh where’s your erection during this one percent of the time when you’re supposed to have it immediately pop up at attention right so i’m thinking like erectile dysfunction cultural dysfunction because we’re the ones telling them to have a very unnatural very unhealthy relationship to their erection which is not just their body but it also is part of their emotional life we criticize men for not having emotions we won’t let them and it just burns me up bone or shame burns me up yeah i literally have never

(56:36) heard any other human talk about it so i have two questions so i’m curious um because i understand the bone or shame part i completely do but um so for me i was molested growing up and so i i’ve um i don’t live in the fear but i’m super sensitive to my kids saying sexual things are doing sexual things because i don’t know where they learned that from did was was there a predator that said this to you so the other day my son asked if we could have a private parts party and it scared the crud out of me because i thought

(57:08) that sounds like something a predator would say who said that to you and so i’m trying to find the balance of not uh i don’t want him to not feel comfortable in sexual sayings or with his body parts but my initial reaction was who asked you to have that what do you think happens at that like to come to ask questions so i’m trying to find the balance you know to let him it’s hard i feel it’s a little bit hard when you come from a background that i do because you’re you just get so um startled by that

(57:40) because you want to protect your kids and make sure that nothing you know but you also want them to feel free in their sexuality and in their expression so um boner him having an erection doesn’t yeah you know i’m just like it’s nothing we don’t pay you know we don’t make a big deal about it but something like that i i have a hard time not making a big deal of because it scares me so and where had he found out about that that’s a pretty big word for a little kid he said he made it up and i asked well what

(58:09) do you do at private parties and he’s like we dance and watch what our privates do so i don’t know if he’s just creative but it’s it scared the heck out of me see why jade yeah i can see why and actually i’ve had women more than one many actually many women tell me that they don’t want to be around an erection for several reasons um a lot of women feel like if there’s an erection that’s a signal that they have to do something that is like a demand and i think gosh that’s not that’s sad

(58:43) but if we don’t start coming to terms with the erections we’re never going to get over these false concepts of what they mean like a guy if a guy has an erection he did not say you need to do something about it if he says you need to do something about it then he said you need to do something about it but just having the erection we need to get more comfortable with our natural body movements and i don’t see how we’re going to overcome either side of gender sexual issues without dealing with some of these

(59:14) things i don’t see how we expect men to uh perform after all that beating down right you know and then there are more examples like this woman had this beautiful video online where she was talking about how have you heard that phrase men always want sex no no it sounds like a phrase i figured but i’ve heard that so many times like men always want sex men always i i heard that they uh like a statistic that they think about it like every seven seconds or something like that yeah well for me i heard that phrase and really

(59:52) didn’t think much of it you know i just kind of moved on in life like oh i guess whatever i guess i do but this woman pointed out that is a very damaging phrase what would gender flip that would we accept people saying women always want sex and does that even allow them to to have consent or are they just always wanting it and doesn’t that even block the idea of them ever being raped because they could never be raped if they always wanted and so and also she was pointing out how a lot of times women will walk up and

(1:00:28) just feel all over men and just you know like oh i love your muscles oh my goodness your bald head it’s a bald well you always want sex you know i’m sure you love this right but that’s not fair and if we gender flip all of that that’s really a great culture i also wanted the other question i had was about circumcision um so i know that our culture believes it’s for sanitation purposes uh and that from what i from what i know yeah religious and sanitary that’s the argument i hear the most is sanitary

(1:01:00) it’s it’s sanitary it’s for so you don’t get infection yeah hygiene but i know that um it’s now considered cosmetic in most states which is amazing because that means maybe um we’re you know going in the right direction but um the argument i hear too is just that um well the the father circumcised and we don’t want him to feel different and i was um reading that by the time like for my kids are three and four by the time they’re in high school it’s really going to be 50 50 because of the

(1:01:33) cosmetic switch and so that’s that’s a huge relief but i was not aware when i gave birth to my son i was not aware and not as conscious as as i am now of the situation and all of i just didn’t have all the knowledge and um i just let his dad decide um but my son’s um circumcision was really traumatic he um the da his dad was supposed to go with him it wasn’t a good situation in the hospital he ended up didn’t end up going with him so that my son went and i had a very traumatic pregnancy a lot of

(1:02:09) anxiety and depression so i’m sure he already had a rough start to his emotional side of his life but they took him to get a circumcision they did it wrong um and they said that they’d be right back so much time went by and i had a c-section so i couldn’t even get up um and so they finally come in over an hour later when they said it would be like 20 minutes over an hour later they come in and they say um uh we’re not gonna be able to bring him back in here he’s still freaking out he’s still too worked up he’s only two

(1:02:42) days old and they’re like he’s still too worked up we’re gonna continue to try to calm him down and they they said they’re gonna have to redo it also um and so this to me was like the i was bawling because i just thought what a rough start to your life that like you’re taken out of your mother’s belly through an emergency c-section and then you’re snipped like they don’t numb them or anything like you’re just sniffed in the most painful place and so this has been something

(1:03:08) that i’ve beat up myself on for four years now it’s my biggest regret in parenting i cry every time i read about it and so i’m curious what for because so many i every time i post about it dozens of mothers are like me too i cry about this too i’m so sad what can we do not necessarily so that we can feel better but so that we can feel like we’re undoing that damage is there anything right now yeah talking about it i think mercedes is right i mean um that’s it is to raise the awareness for

(1:03:40) others and i really empathize with you jade like when my son gets hurt he it when he gets hurt he panics and i’m always like oh it’s ptsd from what i’ve done to you i’ve i removed a part of your body and i feel like i always have to apologize to him which i know that’s so confusing so i don’t but i just wondered if there was something we could do for them individually at all how aware you are and if if if i were in your shoes one thing i would consider is really just i know jade that you have done so much research on trauma

(1:04:14) and healing and to really be with your son in those moments because we can heal through trauma you know that right and so the your awareness to why he might be having the trauma and being there with him as you i’m sure you know many techniques for healing trauma you know being with a person calmly you know giving them your presence letting them know you’re there it’s safe so i think just as we would with anyone who has trauma i have trauma from the past you know just um they have trauma too and we need to

(1:04:52) work would be with them every second to heal them i can’t imagine what a great mother you must be oh i think as we would with every every child you know that every child is going to have traumas we need to be there with them hear them let them have those emotions that may be stuck in their bodies and then raise the awareness for other mothers and fathers because i’m it’s surprising how few people i think are really aware i know absolutely yeah luckily most of my friends kids are not circumcised so it is becoming a little

(1:05:24) bit more the norm maybe it’s just the group i’m around but i was also um i read something on your site about how circumcision also affects women sexually and i thought i don’t think i had never heard that and i don’t think many people have so could you share that if oh you know what i’m speaking of okay so important i knew that’s so important um it was fascinating to me too um so the uncircumcised penis is a piece of skin is over the tip of the penis and the penis was designed to have a mucous

(1:06:01) membrane on the tip which means that it would be just like the inside of our mouth or something it would have mucus and that covering of skin over it protects you know that sensitive mucous area and keeps it moist and in those and the reason it has the mucus and the covering over it is because those that’s the most sensitive part so it’s protected until it’s needed for something like sex and then the skin rolls back a bit and this very sensitive part comes out when that’s cut off then this mucous tip dries up

(1:06:39) and loses sensitivity and so the part that we usually see on the tip of a [ __ ] is this is that this nor the circumcised that’s dry skin was supposed to be much much more sensitive and covered and now now the part for the woman when the man is covered with the skin there and then when he inserts into her then the skin pulls back and the mucousy soft juicy part of him would enter her doesn’t that sound like kind of comfortable compared to right you know i mean i’m trying to not get turned on right now

(1:07:20) this gentle soft thing that comes inside you and then not only that pre-lubricated it’s lubricated and then the skin that’s there is designed to literally stroke the g-spot while the intercourse is happening in and out and so then women having the ejaculatory g-spot orgasms used to be a very common thing and now it’s like some kind of freak show yeah you don’t really hear a woman squirting anymore i feel like i never hear that and that’s what you on your side it says that was one of the things that

(1:07:57) causes a woman to squirt is that yeah yeah the skin is designed to allow that kind of orgasm and if you had a g-spot orgasm it’s a completely different experience than just the clitoris orgasm and that was supposed to be available to us and want to make us have sex so we’d have the babies yeah and um and now you have men being literally put down by women and others are saying like don’t just pound me you know don’t just come here because that hurts and you also hear women um like there was that

(1:08:33) movie bad moms where they made fun of an uncircumcised penis like we’re making fun of their natural state you know yeah and that would actually feel better for us and be more healthy for us and them because that mucous membrane also is very protective you know of many things so it’s just it would be a completely different experience and it’s really sad to me that because of all this circumcision the act of penis and vagina intercourse is actually nothing like what it was designed to even be anymore i wonder why

(1:09:08) so many men are so um firm on their stance of circumcision well if they’re already cut then they don’t want to say that the other way is better because now they feel inadequate that’s true it’s true and i actually feel pretty interested in in that question because i think that is holding back progress but i totally agree with you mercedes i was thinking like whoa what if i actually was a man who was cut that’s a lot to deal with yeah and having a son you don’t you know your son’s gonna

(1:09:39) question that and you’re gonna have to convince i mean it’s a whole thing that might you know if a guy sat with that they might realize it’s revolving around their ego that’s tied to their penis in some you know way i think a lot of it a lot of it has to do though with the way women decide to voice their opinions on what they prefer and and what our preferences come from are that idea of oh it’s not hygienic to have an uncircumcised penis or um it looks funny or you know all these things that come probably from our religious

(1:10:10) backgrounds and trickled down into now our culture that’s not really religious at this state in the game i wouldn’t say overall we’re kind of a mixed bag so yeah we need to be the ones saying like it’s great either way let’s leave it alone and let it be as healthy as possible always strive for healthy over anything else yeah intact the intact yes whole body we like it all yeah we like the whole natural body it’s beautiful oh man so i guess also just for mothers too that have circumcised sons and they

(1:10:46) are now aware um i guess just really being um really trying about it too yeah but also like really encouraging that sensitive side in your son yeah since that is something that they lost like maybe always just making that extra effort to encourage that sensitive side could be really healing for both the mother and the son exactly taking you know what you just named mercedes i might i might call it toxic femininity um yeah absolutely that’s what i call it yeah that’s the shaming of the man absolutely yeah and so i

(1:11:25) actually i think when that happens in a female i call it toxic masculinity in the female as well so like she’s essentially creating the toxic masculine and because masculinity is an energy that we’re just embodying in both whether whatever sex you’re born as you can embody both so when you’re being toxic in a rigid way you’re being toxic masculinity or you know you’re embodying toxic masculinity so it’s kind of the same either way i mean just guys aren’t the only ones who have toxic

(1:11:55) masculinity running through their body it’s all of us it’s a cultural thing men and women both so we’re all breeding it just turn this thing around girls and guys um but yeah dude i think that that’s an important note because i know how hard that’s been for you you know we’ve had this conversation a few times just us together and with other guests on the show around this idea of circumcision and how to reframe our brains around that um and maybe it’s too giving like maybe is there a good time

(1:12:28) you think to bring that up with your child later in life like if you did circumstances that’s a really good question yeah i don’t know fantastic question yeah i don’t really honestly feel totally qualified on that one with kids but yeah yeah i mean i planned on it teaching moment i would look for the tv teaching moment yeah you know what they say yes when instead of having that one big sex talk just constantly look for when they make a comment or an inquiry yeah when it comes up in media that’s true because it’s okay

(1:13:00) so many things come up in media and that those are great opportunities to be like hey sweetheart what did you think about that what did you notice about that you know even when there’s domestic violence you know what did you notice what did you think about what he said and she said yeah i didn’t like that either you know really just they they’re exposed all the time to these big adult ideas and i think it’s up to us to notice that and then go ahead and talk with them about it and explain a lot deeper what’s going on

(1:13:32) yeah instead of steer away from the question because we’re afraid to answer it that’s i mean i’m not a parent so i can’t even begin to you know understand but just in relationship with any person it’s like you know when those topics come up when you’re just like i don’t want to deal with it but you know you have to because it’s only going to get worse and bigger and cause a thing between you so all right ladies listening and and men if you’re a parent and you’re dealing with the situation with a son of

(1:14:01) yours we we got your back we’ll support you we’ll have the conversation with you if you need it all right so i’m going to switch gears a tad here um i know this is something else you specialize in river how can we design our dream love life oh i love that i love that yeah i am so into that and what i feel about that is that many of us walk out into the world seeking a partner seeking intimate relationship seeking things that we’ve been exposed to in the external world you know putting together the ideas of

(1:14:42) what we want based on movies friends parents other people churches other people’s ideas our friend groups porn and we go out into the world and we’re piecing together the rest of the world’s ideas and making that into something we think we want right and i love the opposite i’m a really dedicated to internal experience and inquiry and um and it’s amazing to me how much lives inside me you know and and other work so sometimes lately i’ve been thinking about how did you notice the cyber world

(1:15:24) is bigger than our real material world absolutely you know like i can go get lost in the rabbit hole of the online world and it’s actually far bigger yes and i come on forever yeah and it just goes forever well the cyber world’s bigger than the material world well i like to think that my imagination is bigger than all of it yeah so once i go into my imagination and let it rock it’s bigger than all of that stuff and it goes further and it goes into more bizarre and interesting and exciting places and i like to go into my own

(1:15:59) imagination and dream and find out what gives me tingles and what feels thrilling in my imagination even in the fantasy world going away off the chart of you know dream state like a purple dragon in the clouds or something just like let it go think of music that you sounds you would really that would make you tingle and shiver think of colors textures smells let your imagination go all the way out into other worlds and explore all these other worlds there are many practices i have for that and that’s where i feel is the most

(1:16:40) exciting place to find my desire and the most interesting thing about this for me is that the material world actually falls into place when we are clear about this energetic or imaginary dream desire and once i get a real clear vision on that and bring it a little bit down on into the earthly world form in my mind like well that could that could be like a human if they had these characteristics i don’t know it’s something about how the universe works i believe in the goddess uh as or like the force or universal consciousness whatever name

(1:17:21) you want to give it it provides on the material plane yes if we go up first into that plane and dance so every time that i have gone into that plane and danced in my dream life and thought what really just has me tingling all over almost tremoring to imagine that it may be possible you know that kind of dream like this makes me tremble just to think it could happen that’s how exciting it is bring it down into how that would manifest in the real world and wait and look for open doors and guess what this person usually walks right in the door

(1:18:01) absolutely it’s kind of amazing so i feel like we don’t do that enough yeah so then we get caught in the mundane world well we’re just not intentional enough then we’re just caught up with like the choices in front of us of the material world just like oh okay now i guess i just have like these ten choices or these choices on tender that’s letting the rest of the world shove stuff at us and that boring yeah and while i mingle through these 10 choices i’ll get 10 more you know 10 more matches from the other

(1:18:32) side yeah yeah coming in the back was the wrong choice of words for this but that whole like setting the stage and calling it in i think is a super powerful thing and i think it’s we do that once in a blue moon you know where we finally take the time like i’m saying we’re always talking about journaling on the show may seem i’m hurting beautiful but it’s but it works man you write it down that’s you know such a permanent way to put it out here like universe did you see what i wrote down

(1:19:04) and we’re all about like future self journaling and writing list and but once you do that you call it in it shows up at your doorstep then you start second guessing your worthiness and you become insecure mercedes you talking my life yeah i’m trying to go the next lesson because the next lesson yeah and so and that i think is the part you’re speaking to river where okay but stay in that fluid feminine you know calling it feminine not like only females can do this i’m talking about the feminine

(1:19:34) energy that yin state let’s call it where you are able to exist in this plane of thought is fluid and creative and allowing you to stay in this mode of calling stuff in without questioning your worthiness yeah you know and i think that’s what that’s like i’m trying to get there i’m not there i am trying to get there i i i think i struggle with that because i mercedes knows i’ve always struggled with the mindset of lack and i’m trying to transfer into the mindset of abundance in all areas um and it’s it’s

(1:20:09) all to do with worthiness but i wrote a list in the beginning of last year um what i’m available for and it was 18 traits that i wanted in a man um peter was actually i think one of the first people i showed it to um and mercedes but um and you said it out loud on your bio um yeah podcast yeah yeah so it’s both of you guys’s bio yeah so you heard me say then that it is what mercedes said when it shows up you kind of are like um am i allowed to have this like yeah it’s almost like you asked for

(1:20:42) it and then the universe gives it to you and you’re like oh i i don’t it’s looking for the imperfections yeah you sure you meet all these criteria i’m pretty sure i’m going to look into this one right here this yeah fishy to me it’s interesting that we do that yeah and so that’s all your old stuff right yeah yeah it is and then all your old stuff on this path absolutely and like you’re talking about your name and it being related to the dow and this flowing river and this you know idea of this place where creativity

(1:21:15) can flow and where it’s open and that is scary because it’s gray area you know it’s what we’re afraid of stepping into and so we try it out and dip our toe for a little bit but staying in the river and letting that stuff you know possibly pull us away with it is it’s a little it’s overwhelming sometimes it’s scary we’re afraid of going under you know i think of it as jedi training not everyone’s up for it but you’re going to play with the force yeah that’s right i like that if you’re

(1:21:48) able to walk through the door and see your old stuff and clean it as you go then you clean it oh peace river yeah in tultec what they what we talk about is clean we’re cleaning we’re constantly cleaning we have this energetic field and so when we see our old stuff it’s time to clean that and every time we clean our old stuff out of our energetic field we have so much more light right and so the jedi training is yeah to clean ourselves enough to then bring not only bring that in but receive it and incorporate into our lives you know and

(1:22:27) and rise up yeah to meet it feng shui this whole being so that there’s space for all the good stuff to come in and move out all the yucky stuff all right loving it loving it i got to work on that i got to let that integrate um cassandra on instagram one of our magic mobbers one of my favorites she asks how is decriminalizing sex work an important next step for our country ooh i love that one yeah i i never thought i’d see i honestly didn’t think i’d see the day when decriminalizing sex work would be a topic like it is now yeah

(1:23:10) it’s so hard for me to believe it’s so beautiful yeah and i am definitely a sex worker as a surrogate partner and um decriminalizing sex work is would allow us an opportunity to integrate our sexuality as a natural part of our lives instead of making it shameful dirty and awful number one you know would really it could help us remove it’s a necessary step to help us remove the stigma so that we’re not sex negative i mean if sec if d if criminalization of prostitution isn’t sex negative i don’t

(1:23:47) know what is right you know what i mean so that’s a necessary step to sex positivity is to bring this up into the light and say look they’re all workers they have they’re under all the same rules as all workers are all the osha rules apply all the same they have to get the business license all the same rules apply there’s not wild west there’s plenty of business rules and they still apply to them but we’re going to just acknowledge this is happening as a real thing and another thing that would allow is that

(1:24:19) a lot of people aren’t really getting out there and finding exactly what they want without paying for it and i think it’s a totally legitimate way to experiment and to learn and to grow and sometimes we pay for helpers and i don’t think there’s anything wrong with paying for a helper in that room to learn we pay for our driving lessons we pay for dance lessons and a lot of people would probably be able to learn more if it were not criminalized you know people like my mother are never going to do it

(1:24:52) just because it’s a crime right so i’m curious sex trafficking is something that i’m extremely um passionate about that’s it’s in texas it’s you know one of the top states for it um i mean i almost a day doesn’t go by that i think about it and i’m curious how that affects sex trafficking does it make it to where it it kind of doesn’t exist because this is no longer illegal or how does that my theory is that it will get rid of almost get rid of sex trafficking almost that’s what i thought

(1:25:26) because if you think about like when they when they legalize cigarettes who now is smuggling cigarettes there is no smuggling cigarettes happening into the united states we don’t have so it would stay illegal though for children so then do you think child sex trafficking would would become more rampant i don’t think it would be more rampant but only because they want um their money hungry you know yeah i mean one thing that it’s been interesting i used to work in drug policy a lot and some of the it’s interesting to see

(1:26:06) anthropological studies over time of the way humans are and i want to say on the drug side of things what they found is that like about 3 of all human populations all the way back in history always have been like drug addicts there’s like this tiny percentage that’s going to be hardcore drug addicts right that’s just what they’re drawn to and that’s how it is and my gut if you’re asking a question about child sexual exploitation my gut is that a very small percentage of humans have ever been into that and would never

(1:26:42) be into it yeah that’s true because in countries where it’s not illegal to do drugs that’s actually the countries with the less least drug addicts somehow yeah so but they still have this tiny percentage that is still a drug addict yeah like there’s just a group a tiny small part that’s going to be transgressive in these different ways but i don’t believe personally that child sexual exploitation exploitation is ever going to be like a popular thing to do or yeah or become like more popular

(1:27:14) i think it’s too obviously wrong and bad honestly yeah and i hardly ever use those words but that one i don’t think we’re gonna just know it being so common in texas it’s on my mind a bit um so i was hoping that those went hand in hand yeah i think they’re dare i think they’re exactly related because any time you and the same with alcohol as soon as that became legal we don’t we really don’t have whiskey smugglers right moonshiners that would be laughed at and it’s becoming that way with

(1:27:46) marijuana right you know yeah it definitely is so with that we don’t need the smuggling when once it’s all just fine and we just kind of laugh and scoff at anyone trying to smuggle yeah yeah so what do you feel about the world of pornography and um maybe some of this question can relate to sex working as well but i’m more interested in just the way that it is changed the culture of how we have sex and you know what that is looking like now and how do we reverse that or do that or what do we do what’s our next step

(1:28:25) yeah i love that one i have a dream and vision that some maybe 30 or 40 years from now we’re going to have really great porn and we’re going to be laughing our ass off at the current part we’ll be like okay that’s funny they used to fake it look how [ __ ] stupid this is who would even get off to it that’s my dream i’m holding it because our porn culture is just oh oh it’s so screwed up it’s ejaculation-centered patriarchal sex and that’s probably because of the size of the brain of so many of the guys

(1:29:08) producing it you know it’s like dude i don’t think they’re going off and dreaming and dreaming you know they’re not journaling no they’re not doing their journaling they’re stuck in these old ideas and they’re trying to sell stuff and i’m really tired of the ejaculation centered sex act now ejaculation is awesome i think orgasms are great for everybody all around but that has become a really sad harmful um script that people are all thinking they need to follow which is usually like make out maybe a

(1:29:50) little oral sex penis and vagina every time calculate it’s over every time i don’t really ever want to do that and maybe anal stuff all of which like the clitoris is barely being stimulated the girl is not being she’s i don’t know what she’s doing just screaming i’m not sure for what because we know that there’s no real sensation happening in that situation and it’s like if you try to as a woman most people listening right now are probably like what else is there well that’s that’s my question is what

(1:30:23) do where where do we go from here well we’re gonna it we i’d like to educate people and i’m working as hard as i can on that um about all the different other things available you know so and all the different other exciting and fun things that are far better than a experience that just lasts a really short time and then is over that is really boring so one thing in the wheel of consent where we find our own desire from within our bodies and we what we do is also wake up our hands we’re so used to using our hands as

(1:31:01) tools that’s so rude to them because they want pleasure we have more nerve endings here on our hand than anywhere else other than genital and lips they really are pleasure receptors and my hands will take pleasure from hair one of my favorite things is all the different kinds of hair you know because it’s like my head hair feels totally different than like eyebrows and eyelashes and then beard hair and chest hair feels different and leg hair feels different and i could get lost all day long and just like oh my god look at

(1:31:37) this arm look at this leg this hair because my pleasure sensors are not actually like what gives me pleasure to touch doesn’t matter as much as if it’s a genital or not on the other person so i think we can also learn through we can learn through waking up all of our own senses then we can learn on our own self-pleasure to touch all our body and to see what we like on all our body maybe we get out some feathers or maybe we get out some different kinds of stimulus it’s like oh by the way when i did that i could not

(1:32:13) believe that i could massage my own foot i was shocked it was just like i never thought of this but this is a heaven yeah this is totally pleasurable i don’t know if all if this is because you mentioned the hands i don’t know if this is common for all women but i i get like orgasmic sensations with a really deep foot massage that’s kind of what i’m talking about because it’s just like what the hell yeah and everyone is going to have a bunch of parts for instance one i don’t know why this is but very frequently if i put my

(1:32:50) hands on the two earlobes of the person i’m with i get just this electric shock starts just flowing through my body a lot you know i don’t know what but i’m always like oh my god may i touch your earlobes i’m gonna try that i always mess with people’s ear lobes you say you already do that yeah i mess with i don’t know why that’s like a thing i mess with their belly buttons you guys are awesome aren’t they fun you can do lots of stuff with that i just feel like the belly button’s such

(1:33:22) an ignored body part i do too we should just have some kind of revival yeah it first i like it it’s funny how sexy the shoulder is right actually there’s a lot of pleasure that way so get our whole body involved like that the orgasms are repeating that’s so true multiple they’re ripple through the whole body they go on and on for minutes if not longer they’re you know they’re one after another um sexuality also is waves you know we get waves of like high arousal then a little lower arousal then higher than

(1:34:02) lower higher lower and this ejaculatory script only lets us go up and down one time if we even go up um another thing about women’s anatomy is that we have erectile tissue and you know the real clitoris is this big oil i had no idea isn’t that amazing so i just found out it’s wound through our labia really yeah and so by by rubbing the labia that’s as exciting as stimulating the clitoris it really is feels great and i think a lot of people don’t realize is women have erectile tissue as much as men in their [ __ ]

(1:34:43) but it is in a different place it’s laid down it’s kind of like a banana split in a way it’s on it’s in our skin but a man who wants to really get a woman ready for penetration would get her erect which means to work with that whole tissue until it’s believed you know basically the vulva can really puff up mm-hmm you know if you felt that then you know once the vulva is really puffy which is an erect female then usually it’s also extremely juicy and by that time frequently the woman who has the vulva is like begging for

(1:35:22) entry yeah i’m so glad you’re describing this in such deep so yeah i i’m i was not aware of that mercedes actually like i think we have it on video her they’re kind of trying to explain it to me we talked about it on my episode oh yeah the 9 to 12 inch clitoris yeah yeah yeah the clitoris i’m also curious before we get off this topic um about i feel like a lot of people don’t know about ethical porn yeah that’s exciting there are a lot of filmmakers now making porn one thing ethical porn has meant is

(1:36:06) safer sex is used on porn yeah that’s one level of ethical porn and another whole level of porn is coming out that is just not following that script and a lot of female producers in porn are making their films then you have a lot more gender diversity in the films you have a lot of more interesting plots you have a lot more interesting sexual interactions happening and more creative interactions and more realistic yes so there’s plenty of that there’s good porn is starting to be made that’s what so

(1:36:41) but there will go ahead [Laughter] [Music] we’re excited we got questions we get a question so i’m a single mom of two toddlers and um life’s expensive and um it’s interesting i got an email the other day uh i guess i i guess it’s an agency that connects um people like not influencers but just people that i maybe have i guess enforce the right word but like people on instagram that have a lot of followers have a lot of fans quote unquote whatever but um the what they do is they connect them with

(1:37:23) like some other fans that would like have high dollar um payment for a video just for them and it’s like it was from like six thousand to ten thousand dollars but they prefer that you’re with a partner so like they want a guy to be in the video yeah be clear you you this is a we’ve had this we talked about this a little bit right jade this is what you’re talking about maybe about if so you’re the only one i’ve told yeah that there are like agencies out there that can basically excuse me there’s agencies out there that

(1:37:57) basically oh we did talk about it because what was weird is that i think the people who are buying it it’s because it’s like she made this for me yeah you know and verified that it’s okay the the person buying or the person asking for a video from you is asking for porn a porn video basically a a video of you having sex with a partner usually but it the video only goes to the person that is paying this no one else is allowed to see it or else with somebody there’s a you know some non-disclosure

(1:38:27) agreement there they sign away whatever their life if the video ever leaks something like this so what’s your q just i wanted the listener to know what we were talking about just that that exists too you know that like um there’s just so many different types of because that’s a form of porn in a way and to me that to me people may not uh listening may not agree but to me that’s a form of ethical porn in a way because the girl is doing it just for this one person client who doesn’t want to watch

(1:38:57) the porn that is being put out there for the reasons we mentioned and he also feels like he’s helping her out in her college or whatever she you know needs by paying her directly instead of some porn website you know that’s all consenting parties yeah and there’s an exchange that’s fair right yeah instead of someone being exploited you know yeah and i didn’t sign the contract but i i but i was i’ve all week i’ve been asking myself why i feel so many different feelings about it so

(1:39:32) since we had that conversation because it’s interesting it’s like on one hand you’re like yeah that’s a better way of going about porn and in general of course you have to have the dollar amount that if you want to see some specific person you know act out a lovemaking scene with their partner or whatever your scenario is i’m sure it can go into kink world and you can ask for more um intricate and exotic things but if all parties are consenting okay i’m on board with that piece but why am i

(1:40:00) not on board like i don’t and why is it so scary since they want it to be with your partner you get more money almost double if you’re with a partner and it’s not a solo act why is it so scary to ask your partner if he’s willing to do it with you yeah there’s a lot of interesting questions around that that’s the truth what was your question you were saying mercedes no i wasn’t i don’t even know if it was a question just a thought really of why am i you know what i haven’t got to the root

(1:40:27) of it we literally talked about this like two nights ago or something and that was it just came and came and went and so i haven’t thought about it too much more than here we are doing it live but um just why does it bother me or what is it you know is it shame based it where’s the root why do you feel like that’s not okay for me to do for me to do like i totally don’t have even judgment on someone who decides to do that it’s like but why am i not like oh i would do that i need ten thousand dollars but nope

(1:40:54) exactly i don’t know yeah for both of those questions both of you probably have a specific thought that’s coming through as an obstacle right for sure i got a journal probably tie straight back to old stuff maybe or it may be a really healthy uh impulse also that’s a really healthy current impulse for where you’re headed in your life and that doesn’t fit in with it yeah that was a pretty kinky request it is it kind of reminds me of cuck-holding it’s like far away yeah yeah exactly yeah like sitting in the far far corner

(1:41:31) pocket of the room i think it’s a pretty i think that’s a pretty high and cold dollar amount to have for that amount of work and i think that’s a problem yeah yeah but mercedes you were going to ask another question when we were like oh yeah i was i was gonna um ask about oh you said that i think you were speaking to like multi-orgasmic intimacy or sexual uh possibilities really that they come in waves and that this feeling and of sensation comes in waves and that porn you know we got brought to that thought

(1:42:10) because porn is currently not showing that to the world that piece of it to the world it’s about this patriarchy of reach ejaculation as quickly basically as possible you know with a few sideline things that happen like making out in and oral sex but then it’s pretty much penis and vagina sex or penis and anal sex ejaculate so my question was really around um the idea of edging which maybe you can we’ve had that described on the show before but i’d love for you to describe it in your own words and then also abstaining from

(1:42:46) ejaculation or if that even is a critical part of getting to the place where a man can have multiple orgasms and what the woman’s part of that pla plays in and where she you know you’ve kind of already described how she can figure out how to make herself um more susceptible to sensation and um we can go into that some too about like the actual physical dynamics or the physiological dynamic of it but where do you want to go with that um i love that topic too this is so fun um i am so intrigued and impressed with men

(1:43:22) who want to up their game and they’re in bed and to the point of wanting to be curious about semen retention practices and power building in that way um some people talk about retention in like well yeah i i retained my peanut on my semen for like an hour and i think that’s awesome that’s a really great movement in the direction yeah i was with a lover who would ejaculate every six weeks wow and we had sex multiple times a day and so that he limited it to six weeks every six weeks you mean okay every six weeks with the

(1:44:02) ton of sex and that’s power building so that goes back to the dallas tradition and the somewhat of tantra of building power what a lot of men don’t understand is that your most wonderful g cells in your entire body come out in this in the ejaculate in what so they’re releasing their power that’s all the power because in the jing or the ejaculate is your body thinks it might make a baby so it’s pulling your very best cells out it’s actually even tapping into spinal fluid and pulling those best cells out

(1:44:42) and putting it out to make this beautiful child and so that’s why men feel so tired right after ejaculating we work a little differently our egg is our power and it moves out every 30 days and don’t we feel tired when it moves out so we have our own cycle but it’s different their cycle is with the ejaculate so if they don’t ejaculate then um then the man needs to learn how to circulate his energy through his body and um and there’s a real specific ways to do that and it’s not a huge secret

(1:45:20) there are books on this right and it’s it takes discipline so it’s just like it’s retraining your body just as you would train for football or baseball or any other thing you don’t just walk out there and you know how to do it you can’t just walk on the court and be an nba player you practice every day so it’s a retraining of how the neural connections work in the body and the cells work and it takes daily practice what does daily practice look like self-pleasuring it’s not the worst practice in the world it’s

(1:45:52) called cultivating your sexual energy so you’re working with the um arousal and the feelings of arousal and then how to take that high aroused energy and circulate it back through the body and gain power and so being with a man who knows how to do this he can have sex for hours and then he is still at the end powerful he’s not asleep he’s not tired he’s not you know he’s just powerful just like we are we can have sex for hours and we can be high at the end of that and so are they and they build power and

(1:46:30) i’ve seen men do this and they build power in all areas of their life and they start walking down earth like kings of the jungle you can see the difference and i also want to draw the distinction between that and what i have now seen more of is certain men of certain ages the gene that comes out and the energy loss is a lot tougher on men as they age and that’s documented in great detail in the dao so by the time a man reaches in the dao by the time iran meets reaches say 70 years old he’s basically the dao would

(1:47:05) say like okay from now on do not ejaculate again wow when you’re in your 20s once every so and so often in your 30s a little bit less 40s less because you’re going to need that energy and what i want to distinguish is i think we’ve all seen men who look really tired and really drained and you might talk to them and find out they’re wanking off to porn like three times a day yeah right and they’re jing and you can see it they’re drawn they’re usually pasty they’re tired looking they’re older

(1:47:42) looking than they need to be because they’re just shooting all their energy straight out and wasting it and now that porn is so easy it’s half some guys are doing this three four five times a day and it’s like hi that’s fascinating just to clarify entire health is going down yeah but i’ve never thought of it that way i thought of it the first way but i never thought about it the opposite when they are doing it so much um to clarify though when a man doesn’t ejaculate he still can train himself to orgasm and

(1:48:19) but a lot of men when i try to explain this to them they’re like no there’s no way you can’t or like they feel like it’s one in the same they can’t separate it oh yeah thank you because ejaculation and orgasm in a man are two different things and most for it’s so weird i most men disagree never separated them right how can they how can they well one book i like to i i recommend a couple of books but one of the main one is the multi-orgasmic yes by montauk chia and his friend i can’t

(1:48:53) remember the name montauk chia is the main master who brought this to the western world i am considering going to study with him in new york this year personally um he but but the thing about montauk and his books are that they’re very hard to read he wrote like really dense they like science books they’re really tough but in in the multi-orgasmic man he teamed up with this guy who helped him write more plain english book and in that book are the practices that like i said it’s practice it’s like daily practices to

(1:49:27) work with your breathing and you need to learn how to circulate your energy with or without sexual arousal just how to circulate it because then you can put your energy into those channels so it’s like literally a discipline and a practice yeah in our meetup we’ve had a panel in the past we’ve had several meetups about this we’ve had a panel of men who retain to just answer questions and talk to other men about it and we’ve had one where we had a demonstration of the um cultivation practice that was my ex

(1:49:59) so he actually in front you know in front of the crowd demonstrated the whole cultivation practice wow so it’s a yoga it really is like a yoga of the [ __ ] yeah you actually are doing a lot of things you’re like stretching the muscles yeah eating like all you’re doing a lot of stretches and stuff and getting it limber and strong and also you know all these things happen it’s really a beautiful thing to witness a man step into his power though yeah and just just in it most happening just the eye opening to the fact that

(1:50:36) your body can do so much more than you ever would have said it couldn’t do you know and we’re missing out yeah by the lack of knowledge and most men i don’t think um majority of them i’ve talked to don’t know that they can have multiple orgasms yeah so that’s the difference between so every time i’m with a man and he says something about i had an orgasm i always always always i’m like oh you mean ejaculation no i just want to separate it clarify those words because i think i think you

(1:51:06) mean ejaculation yeah of course that’s what i mean like oh they are separate so every single time in speech i hear that i’m just like oh i think you mean ejaculation that’s separate um just so they get a little like possible inkling that there’s something else because with a man who is trained he can interact in sex rise his energy up have waves after wave after wave of orgasm through his body his body contorts like ours does basically it goes it can go as long as ours do we can go a long long

(1:51:41) time and then that these are the waves we ride then down a bit then we may and that’s why i’ve told clients they’re like i i’m like this is how you have sex all night long yeah don’t have sex all night long by going like this right for 12 hours yeah the woman wouldn’t even want that like that and they’re like really i’m like yes just that would net i would be like get off me what are you doing the way we have sex all night long or for hours or all afternoon is because we have these waves yeah but then we have

(1:52:18) these big arousal moments and these huge tremoring full body orgasms and then we slowly move down and then we’re just caressing maybe and talking a bit but then there’s going to be this thing that there’s like oh i feel this wave again oh yeah me too or we’re both ready because we haven’t lost our jing so it just keeps going wave then we just catch the next wave the next wave and that’s how hours go by yeah because you’re living in that moment or in that night or whatever on a different type of

(1:52:48) energy that you’re cultivating between the two of you yeah it’s really beautiful um it’s beautiful and i think most people are like i don’t have that kind of time it’s like i was listening to uh i don’t think so until you experience the multiple orgasms right a little time in your schedule yeah i was listening to a guest that we’re having on uh coming up in a couple weeks here um justin patrick pierce who’s london angel winter’s husband both of them were on the show i was listening

(1:53:14) to and um justin was talking about how when he was really starting that practice of training himself that he could create enough energy in him that he was so basically lit from this energy that he was cultivating through the practice that he would only sleep three hours a night oh my god i mean he’s like a new father now and that’s good he’s not doing that right now but um yeah and it was really beautiful and actually on that podcast i wanted to bring up that podcast i’ll give it a shout out was called neuron fire by i

(1:53:47) believe the platypus institute in any case very it was all about how neurons work in our brains how we can retrain every part of our lives to essentially rewire our our neurons so that we can hopefully you know live to our highest potential and this the host of the show was talking specifically to london and justin about um what we’re talking about here which is the the the sexual energy um or what men give away whenever they orgasm often and that it takes your life force out of you and they brought up a study on that podcast the host did about

(1:54:32) a laboratory that was studying worms i think maybe earthworms even or um not sure the exact type of worm but basically they took half of the worms and they caused them to orgasm several times a day for however many days the study was and the other half they they made them um abstain from orgasming for that time and only did it periodically once every you know is less often and the ones that didn’t orgasm as often lived several days further than the ones that were orgasming more often so that whoa a little that’s science proof of that

(1:55:09) and for some reason we all think that the more orgasm being the healthier you are because it’s like a release and you’re well that really is being stressed i’m all about the motion you know of it like the active portion of it and the energy building but yeah yeah again and women can cultivate sexual energy as well through practices with our ovaries and practices we can do with our breast massage and different things and um with the man i was with who was cultivating heavily for a while we were considering having a child we did not

(1:55:41) and we’re not together now but in that time we were like well we’re both gonna cultivate for a long time build up for that one best egg and that you know we’re gonna and that’s how some people do it you know and that’s how in the ancient times dallas have done like when you decide to have a child why not cultivate and really rise this energy up and to have the highest vibrating egg hit the highest vibrating sperm and have a beautiful holy child yes i actually have that as a question for justin

(1:56:13) uh coming up because he’s a new dad and i’m sure him in london had this massive i mean that’s all they do is is basically intimacy and sex training with people so i’m sure they have a good story of how they decided to cultivate that egg and all that work though i’m looking forward to that that’s gonna be interesting yeah i’m curious if there’s something women could do um to help make it easier for us to have multiple orgasms um you know for women gosh you know back on the on the women’s side of things

(1:56:47) we’re we have a lot of issues as well that society and culture has uh rudely domesticated us away from our own pleasure and such as it took me forever to find any anatomy book that had the g-spot in it actually i haven’t found it yet wow they are that’s missing and for a long time the [ __ ] was missing in anatomy books wow wow and so it’s just literally skipped over um that could go on about that one i mean also i also personally i’ve practiced a form of kundalini um tantra that involves the root chakra being my g-spot

(1:57:30) and i firmly believe that that is the root because it’s a nuclear powerhouse and i feel it in my body and the lineage i study directly points that in diagrams like this is your root chakra and the reason i’m saying this is that’s interesting the reason i’m saying it is because i’ve gone to so many tantra classes and chakra classes in this united states where they say the second one is your sexuality and they never even tell me my g-spot’s involved in the chakras which i get really mad about

(1:58:02) because i’m like this is just [ __ ] female suppression like don’t tell me my root chakra is like somewhere down in my pelvic area you’re just hiding the fact of my power center it’s my g and i can learn to do tons of things with that to set it on fire and you’re not letting me which is where our grounding is too yeah there’s a that’s where our powerhouse is and so it’s just one example of women not even getting the information of our power in our sexual life and then so but i think that for women

(1:58:36) number one there’s two it’s just kind of like with this toltec process on one hand you want to light up your sexual energy and find out where your nuclear powerhouse is inside your own body and learn about your own body’s sexual desires and unique sexual expression that it wants to have and while you do that you’re going to hit all your old stuff right so there’s going to be all the shame that you were domesticated into are they’re all going to pop up one at a time if you had trauma and sexual i

(1:59:11) don’t even know if i’ve ever met a woman who hasn’t had some kind of sexual trauma you know i mean like i lost my virginity when i was 14 and not until recently did i really look at that and go my god 14 year olds are tiny they’re just like little kids you know that wasn’t i never thought of it as that unhealthy but looking back it’s like that that’s there wasn’t anything healthy about that right it wasn’t wait it happened yeah so we all carry real screwed up stuff from the past with

(1:59:43) our sexuality so as we find our true nature we’re gonna hit all the old gunk one at a time and do we have the jedi training to be able to face that gunk and move through that gun and clean it so that this whole thing can blossom into the beautiful light we were meant to be yeah we call that seek the pain for positive gain when we step into the uncomfortable stuff to get to the good stuff on the other side uh before we move on because i just can’t stop coming up with questions for you because you’re so damn interesting

(2:00:18) awesome i wanted to know if you think that getting in touch how much you think that getting in touch with our root chakra for that matter or getting in touch with our own personal ability to feel sensation and be open both physiologically and and you know mentally psychologically affects our ability as women especially to be come pregnant to become pregnant oh gosh you know fertility infertility has never been as high as it is now i mean it’s just so high i think i heard that one in four couples is infertile

(2:00:58) that doesn’t mean just the woman is wow that’s a lot and i’ve also heard from like elon musk is one of my boyfriends just imaginary unfortunately on stage with jack ma who is the founder of alibaba in china is one of the biggest businesses there and basically they both agreed we’re headed to a huge population collapse like a lot of people are worried that we have too many people in the earth but it’s not going to be too long from now when we’re not going to have that many people on earth

(2:01:28) and infertility is one of those reasons wow and i personally believe that this cultivation is a very big and important part of it very big and for me if i before if a woman came to me and said i’m not fertile before i would let her go to have pharmaceuticals you know and different kind of medical interventions i would check in on that sexual energy cultivation and check in if there isn’t a natural way to open up the potential there yeah and maybe even both on on women and the side of men because of the way that they’re interacting with

(2:02:06) their woman and making a safe place for her to feel unable to open you know and able to accept the sperm to where it needs to go and yeah all the mental stuff i mean like just like we’ve been talking about this entire episode there’s so much tied to what we’re thinking and our root traumas that block us from physiologically [ __ ] we have no idea that we’re not allowing ourselves to experience and i think pregnancy can be along those lines i’m no doctor but no but i’ve heard too many stories of women

(2:02:38) who were trying and trying and then they had an energetic clearing of some kind and immediately got pregnant yes but it’s just a comment wow yeah i have heard that a lot too so we have another question from the magic mop but i feel we’ve already answered it so um just if you want to add anything um for this listener jackie asks what are some ways to learn intimacy pleasure and body awareness skills well my favorite way is the wheel of consent it is just this magic formula the the creator of the program is dr betty

(2:03:15) martin she lives in seattle she teaches in europe and the u.s more in europe lately and she her book is finally at the editors so finally there will be an actual book on this in the next this year sometime beautiful and she’s also trained certified facilitators to facilitate through the official wheel of consent process um i’m the only one in texas trained right now but i’m having workshops um several this year on the weekends so you go spend one weekend and you get if you look at my website people who’ve

(2:03:52) already taken the workshop have written reviews of it and they’re very interesting you know i i would say before you even listen to me describe it just go read what they’ve said almost everyone has changed their life because when you change your perception of your own desire your body’s capability and your ability to ask for know what you want trust it value it ask for it get it in a safe way it will affect your whole life absolutely just the confidence of knowing that you have a process to follow that will get you results one way

(2:04:30) or another is so invaluable this is the most amazing results-getting process and um i’ve learned it i like it when my new lovers will learn it they will not all do it but i’m like you know i’d like it if you did because we have this language yeah and then we have this vocabulary because right now i’m trying to explain things to you that are taking a long time right but if you just go do this and then so with the workshop i have a i’m building a we’re building a community called the wheel heads and only people who’ve been

(2:05:08) through the workshop are then invited into this community where we’re going to be getting together this year to practice with others who know it so we can just keep our skills sharp with others who know it because with another person who i so i will say this like i’m teaching the wheel of consent workshops and building a community of people who’ve taken the workshop that’s one group of people the wheel heads and then peter and i are teaching these workshops about erotic experience and um can you guys hear me yeah you’re

(2:05:38) frozen but i can hear you so you can go ahead should be fine no i can’t hear you you